Baby's first birthday to ask for no boxed gifts?

I don't attend parties when the host asks for cash.

🤮

I think it sounds a bit crass and grabby (I'm really sorry, I'm just writing this in case it helps canvas general opinion). I'd be very comfortable with something like, we've got lots of toys but want to build a book collection for when Jeremy is older. We'd love you to share your favourite childhood book with us (secondhand is also great) with a message from you written inside.

Gently, please don't personalise these things. It makes everything so wasteful. Passing things on to later kids to play with they don't want it as it has their siblings name on, it's harder to sell or charity shop because how likely is it to find another kid of that name who wants it?

Or if you mean something like the little silver photo frames with the engraved name on it- these things are still stored at the bottom of a wardrobe, I never had time or space to work out what to do with it. We had a special Steiff keepsake bear gifted for our son but you can't choose this for kids- the one he bonded with and wore down cuddling every night was a cheap little Beanie Boo dog.😂

Ignore her. That’s grabby.

I have heard the “no boxed gifts”. I think it’s offensive and vulgar. I’ve also been asked for charity donations and for one favorite book. Both of these are acceptable ways to solve the “we’ve got everything” problem. Obviously it doesn't solve the “Give me money” problem…..

Crikey £50 is a lot! Your SIL is being cheeky there. Only the grandparents spend that much on my kids (sometimes more) - siblings and siblings in law and friends spend more like £10-15 on a nice outfit or a toy.

"Boxed gifts" is not a common term, I think people will be confused by it!

But I do think gift guidance is useful and completely understand someone saying no toys. The influx of stuff into your home when you have a new baby or your child has a birthday is so overwhelming, and often it's things you really don't need or didn't want your child to have!

Why should people be grateful for shite they don’t want cluttering up their house though

I literally charity shopped several of daughters 5th bday presents - some of which is likely up just end up in landfill

They’d get the gift I was willing to give and like it. I hate the whole telling people what gifts to buy! Be grateful for anything.

i cant stand receieving a load of presents for my kids - i hate the environmental impact of loads of stuff - i buy a lot of clothes second hand and we use the library instead of needing insane amounts of books in the house

the flat is small so we don't have the space for loads so we are very careful to have a one in one out policy!

i do always say please no gifts! but people dont listen anyway

i wouldnt expect cash!

My parents would help pay for bigger ticket items like a bike / zoo pass / swim lessons / tickets to shows as presents

asking for cash though i wouldnt be impressed with that and wouldnt want to give any

Also sorry op but I would hate to receive a personalised gift from someone - like i would just see it as clutter tbh and likely wouldnt keep it - unless it was actually somehting useful!!

“No boxed gifts” is code for we want cash.
If she wants books or clothes or nothing at all she needs to phrase it differently.

I think it’s completely reasonable to ask for no boxed toys, especially if you already have everything you need. You could suggest alternatives like books, clothes, contribution towards an experience, or even just asking people to come and celebrate rather than bring a gift. I’d just keep the wording friendly so nobody feels pressured.

I think there is nothing wrong if someone asks you what to get for your child to say oh we’re super limited on space so if you insist on giving something just wack a fiver in a card and it’ll go in their savings account but honestly we don’t expect anything at all. This way there is no expectation on how much people will give but it also politely explains you’re limited with space.

This may be controversial but I think giving a voucher instead of money if that’s what they have asked for is a bit annoying. They could have £100 worth of vouchers for all different places where they can’t get your niece anything of any significance but if everyone who gave those vouchers gave her cash that could go in savings/ buy an annual membership to a zoo that kind of thing.

While your brother is cheeky and rude demanding a certain amount, you implying you can’t trust your sister in law to not spend the money on herself is also incredibly rude and maybe the reason you have a strained relationship with her? If they normally spend £20 on your children just get a lovely 1st birthday card and put £20 in it and maybe a little cheap book so you’ve wrapped something physically. Don’t get her a useless voucher or tat.

That’s exactly what it means.
So utterly crass, op.

There are personalized books that are cute.

Also Jamie Oliver’s Little Food Library is lovely. Pancakes, pasta, cookies and pizza are in the series. My grandkids are both under two and they have loved them for about 6 months.

I've never come across this for a baby's birthday, usually only for weddings - which makes sense (to some folks) as you might want to recoup some of the money spent on the wedding, and otherwise you would end up with ten toasters. Seems crass for a baby's birthday as you wouldn't be spending that much on the party and part of the charm is the personalised gifts/thought.

She will spend the voucher on herself

You know her, do you?

Well, it isn't "madness" if that's the standard in your social group or family.

Wasn't it Maggie Thatcher who famously bought her DGS a toy drum kit - I bet she was the MIL from hell!

Oh a friend of mine asked for people to bring something to add to a time capsule to open when her daughter was 18. It was such a great gift! Some people weren’t around any more, one person gave her a designer bag that would be worth more when she got it, bits of jewellery that weren’t available anymore, newspapers, magazines etc.

I wish I’d done that!

World aid gifts are a nice idea, with a
message such as I know you are well loved and have a blessed life with everything you
you need. You have brought so much happiness to our family so for your first birthday we thought we could help you spread that happiness to others. Our children have been gifted these before. Also adopt an animal maybe?

Has your brother explained what they intend to,do with all the money their child gets given?

In a situation like this I’d give a UICEF inspired gift, for example books for 10 children £20, they have other gifts too. That way other children benefit who don’t have much.

The mother is entitled, controlling , grabby and rude.
I would take a book.

There is nothing wrong with asking for a voucher or money instead but setting a minimum amount is outrageous.

I would bring a boxed gift.

But why don't you say, "Hang on, why are you expecting us to spend £50 when you only spend about £20?"