Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think him sending me 1k every month isn’t a solution to making this fair?

327 replies

Seeetwap · 15/08/2026 22:34

Ex is a consultant in the nhs. He earns around 110k. Probably will earn more in future.

He is supposed to send 950 a month based on his salary (thereabouts) but he sends 1,200. He chose a job literally hours away from us after we broke up when dd was 1.

He sees dd once every couple of weeks, sometimes more if he pays for a hotel and stays nearby for some extra days. He’s good with dd when with her but obviously doesn’t do A THING in relation to DD’s care.

I also have a full time job. I work in a competitive industry and I’m struggling so much trying to keep up with everything. I’ve told him that choosing a job so far away and just throwing extra money over isn’t a solution. He point blank refuses to look for another job.

I know I can’t make him do that or make him be in Dd’s life in a fuller way. I also know I can use the money for extra childcare etc. I do know this. But the reality is it doesn’t help much as I’m still doing school runs and bedtimes and taking her to parties etc. The burden of it all on me feels so immense and I often just cry at the end of an evening.

AIBU to feel money doesn’t make up for this in the way he thinks it does? He feels that i ‘get more’ so should shut up and be happy. I am so unhappy and frustrated.

OP posts:
Minasama · 15/08/2026 22:37

I think the problem here is that your choice is between money and a bit of contact or no money and a bit of contact - the option you want of him doing half is presumably not on the cards unless he wants it to be?

cestlavielife · 15/08/2026 22:36

You cannot make him do more or move closer.
Use the money as needed.

Swipe left for the next trending thread