AIBU for feeling devastated about my graduate daughter's pregnancy?

I had my first baby at 22. The child that derailed my career was the last one I had at 44!

To add to this I work in a different local authority to the one I live in and my commute is 20 mins door to door.
Not sure how we got onto this point but I always enjoy telling people about my short commute!

I don’t think you need to be as worried as you are. She’s got her degree, that won’t change. She is married to a man she’s been with a long time who has a solid job that won’t get taken by AI in the future (I agree with PP that trade careers are now said to be one other best to go into). I had my son early twenties, admittedly I’d been in my career 2 years at that point but nonetheless I am so pleased I had him young rather than wait till late 30s like my friends. I was able to return to work whilst still young and forge a solid career and now our son is in his teens and my husband and I are not juggling babies in our 40s with higher-pressure job roles like our friends are because they had kids later (ie further into their careers).

I can’t believe some of the snobbery embedded in some of these responses, OP. Congratulations to your daughter! This absolutely is not the end of the world. She can have the baby, be the mum she wants to be, then start her teacher training when she’s ready. There are plenty of opportunities in teaching to progress, if being a main scale teacher doesn’t pay enough/challenge her enough, but equally, it still offers a decent living (plus pension and holidays) if she just wants to stay in the classroom, especially if you live in an affordable part of the country. I had my kids late in life (37 -41) and I can say, hand on heart, that if I’d met the right person I would have loved to have had them earlier, had time at home with them and then focused on my career. I actually think there are huge advantages to doing it that way. You are rightfully proud of her achievements - and you’ll be equally proud of what a great mum she is and of your lovely grandchild once he or she is here.

I can understand that you wouldn't have chosen that for her; however, it sounds as if she has her screwed on the right way. She sounds very mature for her age and sensible.

Yes, I've seen this with many female teachers - and I know several music teachers who fall into this category.

I shouldn't admit this, but - what the heck...

A relative in Cowdenbeath sold their ex-Coal Board house for much more than expected - the highest offer was a good whack more than anyone else was prepared to pay.

We couldn't understand how they got that price. Then all became clear - the buyer was from England and thought they'd got a bargain.

Similar happened to someone I knew through marriage: they were selling a house in "Kinker" - Kincardine o' Neill, as opposed to the one in Fife.

Now, that's an area where prices were pushed up by the oil industry at one point. They still got a better than expected price because the buyer turned out to be a retiree from England. (The house only had one owner at the point of sale.)

She can do her teacher training later, and having children younger might even mean that she is able to progress her career further as the child/ren will be more independent

You can tell I'm feeling a bit crabbit, can't you?😁

It's the same round about Cowdenbeath and Kelty - the new builds are being bought by folk from Edinburgh or parts of England.

You'll find that as well as ex-council houses, locals often buy ex Coal Board houses (often bungalows) and build on at the back.

A 2 bed ex-council house across from the public park in Cowdenbeath has a box room being used as a 3rd bedroom. Move in condition, close to Foulford Primary School and the local high school - going for 135k.

I know - as if we are all making it up @WearyAuldWumman
🤣

To what @user1476613140 said, I'll add that when you're working as a teacher it's often possible to live outside your catchment but still to have a very short commute.

I do know some teachers who have an hour's commute, but that's quite unusual for Scotland. I know many people who live[d] outside their catchment but could get to work in 10 minutes.

Even if someone was a peripatetic music instructor, they didn't have a lot of travelling to do in the same local authority. I knew one chap who started out as a tradesman, retrained as a maths teacher and finally worked as a peripatetic music instructor, moving between a couple of schools a day at most.

I knew music teachers who worked part-time between two schools in the authority and their commutes were relatively brief as well.

Agreed. My 4 bed end terraced property was £94k 16 years ago. Today in my street they're going for £165k+. Not bad for ex local authority housing stock. We have done it all up to our own taste over the years by saving up around a busy family life raising four DC. Four large double bedrooms upstairs, one master bedroom downstairs, family bathroom (upstairs), wet room (downstairs), large kitchen with space to feed six. I am sure OP's son in law can refurbish property cheaply to make a beautiful family home from ex local authority housing stock often with huge back gardens aswell as huge bedrooms. With loads and loads of cupboards (absolutely love all of mine!).

Yup.

This one in my area needs a bit of work, but it has good bones.

Ex Glenrothes Corporation, 3 bed. Decent area. Good transport links. 105k.

Always always it's people who are not native to Glenrothes or Markinch who are buying all these up. I have similar properties near me all getting sold by two income families often not originally from these parts. Many locals are completely priced out of the local market. So ex local authority is the only affordable option for many.

Not everyone is interested in sitting at a desk crunching numbers. Horses for courses. Teaching, I agree, is a good career choice for the OP's DD. She'll get a good pension which is nothing to be sniffed at.

I'm with you OP as I live also in a part of Scotland where it's cheap to buy a family home on one income. Our first mortgage years ago was based only on one income and we have been mortgage free for years. Life is for living. We live modestly and enjoy our family life. I am sure your DD and her DH will also do the same. Buying ex local authority property will mean she can take her time rejoining the workforce once she's had your DGC.

I was a bit taken back by that comment too. I've got an MSc but am skint due to medical circumstances yet a relative with minimal education beyond gcse is running a business that's got a million pound turnover.

OP., it may not be ideal in you eyes but things happen for a reason that relative I talk off was born to very you parents. Just support them in anyway you want to. They'll make it work a joiner is a skilled and can command huge fees.

@FunPartyIdeas It’s only teachers who think banking is less stress! High st banking does not pay well and other areas of banking are very results driven and not amazing pay for many either. No nice long holidays either! Teaching has a great career structure and plenty going for it. Don’t believe for 1 second that highly paid banking roles are stress free and not long hours. Dream on. Plus the competition to get them is immense - unlike teaching.

If you really want to pay over the odds for a house round here, then you need to go for a new build.

This one is close to me: £305k for a 4 bed house with two bathrooms, detached, own garage.

Markinch is a village just outside Glenrothes. The village is popular with commuters since it has a railway stop, convenient for Edinburgh and Dundee.

The same development has 3 bed detached houses for sale at 253k. That's very expensive for the area.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/91372893#/?channel=RES_NEW

Also, on a teacher salary plus a joiners salary your daughter's family will be able to live a very comfortable life in most areas of Scotland. There's a class teacher at my kids school who is married to a plumber in the live in the most expensive part of town and she gets a new BMW SUV every couple of years. You're getting advice from people who live in a completely different economy where achieving that level of comfort requires a private sector role that takes up all your time and risks sucking the life out of you.

There are so many positives in this story. I'll add the positive that the way the world is going (especially with global warming), if you're going to have a baby, then the earlier the better. Life is getting harder, not easier.

I don't know where OP is in Scotland, but here's an example of a perfectly nice 3-bed house, an hour from Edinburgh, on at £145K (offers over). And I've found a 2-bed house in Blairgowrie (nice town in lovely countryside) on at £90K.

3 bedroom end of terrace house for sale in Cheviot Road, Kirkcaldy, KY2

I get the impression that teaching is not as highly pressured in Scotland as it is in England. It's not an easy job, but I have a number of friends who teach in primary and secondary here for 20+ years and not one of them has talked of leaving the profession. It's also becoming fairly common for midlife mums in my circle to retrain to teach (I know three who have done that). And with music skills your daughter will always be able to make good money doing private tutoring if she decided teaching in schools is not for her.

You sound like a snob.
People have different lives to you.
150k is a common house price in Scotland. I bought my 4 bed for 195k. And 35k is a perfectly acceptable salary, especially at 21/22 and in the public service (yes he’s a joiner but is working for the local council. In a few years with more experience he’ll be able to work for himself and potentially get a better rate)

Wow! Such entitlement.
£35K at age 21 is a fantastic salary and yes - actually in some parts of the country you can still buy a property for less than £100K.
We are not all middle class mumsnetters.

OP you should be very proud of your daughter and her husband. The country needs more of them and well done you for helping your daughter to achieve all she has.