9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

Does your 17 year old do their own washing, make their own bed, cook simple meals for themselves and friends and family and clean up after themselves, know how to clean a bath/ shower/toilet, know which day the bin men come, keep communal areas free of their personal clutter?

if you answered no to any of those you have frankly failed as a parent. Those are simple life skills that everyone needs to be able to do. You are doing your 17 year old no favours by not teaching them how to take responsibility for their environment, their personal belongings and their cleanliness.

Is it ever too young?
My DD is 4 and from a very young age (because it's the only way to get anything done) she has "helped". She now has a great grasp of jobs first, Fun after.
I don't make her do anything wild but she is fantastic with a feather duster to be honest 🤣🤣

Yes, the difference is they're raising a responsible and well adjusted child by the sound of it.

It's sad that you think this is sad.

Sensible parenting. At 9, my mum wouldn't let me go out to play with a friend who called round because I had to peel the vegetables. My mum was sensible too.

Every family does things the way that works for them. It’s not sad at all that a 9 year old contributes to helping tidy the house with his parents.

Respect to the parents, because I'm certain that jobs like cleaning windows and taking out the bin would have taken a fair amount of supervision the first few times to get a decent result - I think I would have been guilty of "it's just quicker to do it myself". But teaching beyond "pick up your own toys" - these are real life skills.

In twenty years time his partner will be thankful that he has learned to clean, tidy and pull his weight in keeping a living space habitable.

Mine had daily and weekly chores from a young age but I'd be lying if I said it was much work or was done without an argument. They would argue that's it's work when mostly it was undoing a mess that they created in the first instance. From about 10 it extended to general family duties. A weekly job included vacuuming the stairs. We have a hand held light cleaner with a suitable attachment so it would literally take 4 or 5 minutes and I'd always set it up for them. Sock matching was an easy weekly one, I believe kids can do this from about 3 because a lot of their pre school activities involve matching. Of course they will make a million mistakes but that's ok. Since youngest is 12 cleaning the bathroom is on the rota, usually done badly with an argument but it's their bathroom and I should not have to go there. Daily tasks were things like emptying the dishwasher first thing and refilling and putting away the breakfast stuff. Sweeping the kitchen area and wiping the table after dinner. That's one task each for 3 children so each only taking a few minutes and all contributing to the daily household. Everyone has to help putting away groceries after a shop or putting their dirty plates in the dishwasher. I have other paid bits for the holidays like a cleaning the front door or outside window sills, all small jobs. I write a list and have a small payment beside it and they can choose which one they do. The laziest one gets the least appealing jobs. I still have to supervise and nag and occasionally after days I have to say no one leaves the house or plays or has screen time today until this is done. Only one of 3 actually does it without causing drama. I do so much else, their contributions are tiny overall but if I don't push them on this I am no more than a slave to them and they will grow up entitled and useless.

@NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot yup I expect my 3 kids (age 10 to 15) to help with housework. It's a team effort.

Once it is done they can go out. If they leave me to do it on my own it will take ages so its in their best interest to help!

My kids have helped since they were 3!!!

My MIL (who I get on very well with) once told me that I was using my children as “slave labour” because they were helping me do some pre Christmas cleaning and tidying.

My D.C. are adults now, my children’s standard of housekeeping is far far better than her child’s so I’m pretty happy with my decision making in that area.

When he has done that they send him up the chimney

No, I don’t think kids should be doing loads of household chores at such a young age. Starting them when they’re older teens makes more sense to me.

They won’t become magically house proud adults just because they learnt to clean a toilet at 8yrs old!

My 17yr old is only required to feed the cats at tea time every day. Otherwise, we might ask for help with the odd task such as lawn mowing or fetching the bins in.

Yes it's very good to start them early and set expectations that everyone in the household contributes to chores in proportion to their capacity - young/frail/disabled members may do a lower share but if all have reasonably equal capacity then all should contribute equally. A typical 9 year old might have lower capacity due to a lower skill level, but the remedy there is more practice!

My DC started helping with household chores from the age of 6 or 7. Not going out to play/putting the TV on/other nice thing, until chores are done, is perfectly reasonable.

Why would you want to raise an entitled feeble parasite who thinks the world owes them a servant to deal with the crap that is generated from ordinary day-to-day living? Why would any parent want to fulfil that role for their own child rather than helping them to be capable and self-reliant?

And they can have that after they do some chores. Which is the case with this little boy.

I’m genuinely surprised that your reaction to a 9 year old doing chores on a Saturday morning is that it’s sad. It’s perfectly normal and how one ends up with capable, well rounded adults. Is your plan to wait till your DD is 16 and suddenly expect her to do stuff?

My DSs are grown ups now. They each had to do jobs as they grew up. It’s part of our job as parents to teach them these things. As adults my DSs pull their weight at home.

We see endless posts on here regarding men who think they don’t have to do much around the house. Go figure.

Chores is part of kids being kids. Being a kid is preparation for being an adult.

My dc have always enjoyed doing chores with us when they were small. Now they are grown up they do them by themselves, but are still grateful if we chip in (as we are when they help with ours)

It's not hardship if everyone is doing it together. If the parents were watching TV with a can of beer while the dc scrubbed the banisters, I'd feel differently about it.

If he was just helping his parents with the housework then that’s fine. If he’s expected to clean the house by himself while his parents still around doing nothing that’s sad, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what was happening.

From birth! 😄

Just find age appropriate tasks for them to do. They start by helping until they are capable of doing things themselves.

When they’re little - making their beds and tidying their rooms, setting the table, unpacking dishwasher. As they get older (certainly by 9) dusting, cleaning the mirrors, putting away the washing.

I have a teen and a tween now and as well as all the above they will put on a load of washing, hang it out and put it away. Clean the windows, vacuum, empty the bins, cook a meal. Older one does the bathrooms, younger mows the lawn.

Obviously not all of this every week - I’m not complete a slave driver! The point is that they can and they understand that although they don’t enjoy it (who does?!) it needs to be done and it’s only fair that they help out.

In our family we have ‘power hour’ once a week when we divide the chores, crank up music and get the housework done.
It’s flexible when we do it but no, the kids can’t go off and do things during it.
but it’s an hour a week.

Of course it's good for children to learn to take responsibility for their environment, and to defer satisfaction until they have done what is necessary. That boy's parents are hopefully raising a man who will make a good life partner some day.

Nothing wrong with teaching kids to keep their possessions tidy. He'll make a great husband in years to come 🥰