9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

My primary aged children are expected to put plates, cups etc in the dishwasher, make their beds in the morning, put dirty clothes in the wash basket and empty rubbish out of their school bags each day. On the weekends they get bigger jobs like weeding the garden, hanging out washing, sweeping the kitchen floor. The 7 year old knows how to use the toaster, cooker, dishwasher and washing machine but I supervise her doing it and she’s knows she’s not to mess with anything hot without an adult there.

It’s not a work house by any means but I do expect them to some things to learn to play their part and not treat us like servants.

At 9 my boys swept the kitchen floor, put their laundry in the machine - whites, darks or colours as asked, kept their room tidy including vacuuming and made their own breakfast.

By 12 they cooked meals and baked, used the washing machine correctly, took their turn cleaning the bathroom, put out the rubbish and unloaded the dishwasher.

At 20 and 17 they both work, 20 year old full time and is moving into his own flat - he knows how to do everything he needs to including paying bills.

I get that, but IMO, no 9 year old really needs to be doing chores that keep them away from their friends.

There is plenty of time when they are a bit older, to teach them responsibility, and get them to help around the house. But personally I wouldn't at this age. I would let them fully enjoy being kids without the ballache of household chores.

If raised correctly, they will have their whole adult lives ahead of them doing chores. I would hold off for a little longer before introducing them (and I did with my own)

Hmm I give my 7 year old the odd chore and will likely add to that as she gets older but I’m a bit more relaxed and would probably let her out to play if she were asked, without finishing them. Maybe I’m a soft touch!

This has been my experience. Mortified at how useless my two are as a result of my parenting. Its a harder, more conflict-filled, process now that I am enforcing housework.

I should add that as teenagers they were responsible for cleaning their own rooms because I refused to have to tidy before cleaning!

So much assumption from the OP that the lad doesn't enjoy these chores with his family.

I used to love a family clean up when I was a kid, and always wanted to scrape the squeegee around the window.

And of course for all we know he may be looking forward to a treat for doing a good job.

My 9 year old twins have jobs to do. Mainly putting their laundry away, tidying their bedrooms, feeding the dogs and loading the dishwaher. They can then earn money doing other chores which are optional. Today DS scooped up the leaves in the courtyard and behind the garage, DD wiped the skirting boards. They have managed to play most of the morning and now have the whole afternoon free.

IME people who dont start their children on housework from ages 7/8/9 etc have a heck of a job getting them to do it in their teens.

Unless he is being forced to clean the house alone with a toothbrush while his parents are knocking back beer and watching the telly, Roald Dahl- esque, then yes it’s totally fine that he is helping and learning skills - one of which is that fun stuff like going to play with a friend has to wait until the chores are done.

I’d be taking a leaf out of their book, myself.

I’ve learnt from from my mistakes. I didn’t expect my eldest 2 to do anything beyond tidying their room. It backfired big time! They are both quite inept as adults (both over 20) and their rooms were digsusting and so with the younger one I am giving chores, not regularly but I make sure I talk about everyone benefitting from a tidy and clean house and I like them to see the cleaning so they know what to do. It’s a bit like cooking, someone needs to teach you to a certain extent.

We did not make ours do chores because being a child is the only time in your life you don’t have to. This was our choice for our children, I’m not saying it’s a universal choice that’s right for everybody.

However, they were expected to pitch in if asked because that’s part of being a family. So they did learn all the skills when it was needed.

The only exception was that in Y13 they were taught to cook supper once a week for the family. As they became more confident I stepped by. This included picking a recipe, cooking and washing up - the whole process bar shopping because we menu planned for the week (they’d have to ensure they asked for the right ingredients).

I can honestly say they are all perfectly capable adults and it worked for us.

There seem to be plenty of lazy men around who don't do any housework, probably because mummy was running around clearing up after them. Their future w/p then end up on MN complaining about them being lazy and how their mil still does everything for her boy who reverts back to being 10 again in mummy's company and won't back his wife up when mummy slags his wife off for the fear of upset mummy.

At this age, let kids be kids, and go out and play with their friends.

No-one's stopping him from being a kid.

No-one's stopping him from going out to play with his friends.

The whole family does 45 mins on a Sunday (youngest is 9). Keeps things bearable with just laundry, kitchen and maybe a pick up/hoover in the week. Big jobs like windows i do myself but I don't work full time. If I didn't I think the kids should help.

It's definitely a good idea to do tasks alongside your children to reduce nagging and resentment.

My child is four and of course she helps sometimes it might be more of an opposite but she thinks she's helping and it's getting that into her from an early age. We won't be doing chores for cash I tell her we all live in this house and benefit from it being nice and she accepts it.

Flipping great, all parents should do this.
Hopefully this young boy will grow up as a gentleman who knows how to look after himself as well as not expect any future partner to do it all.

Grew up with a mum that would rope us into helping, age 9 is not too young, not at all.

I never had to do this when I was little. I really REALLY wish I had, and formed a good habit, as I don't have any instinct to clean or tidy. I sort of don't know how to clean. I can wipe things up obviously, and wash dishes, but I have no concept of what needs doing around a house, or what sort of schedule to have, how often is expected etc. I have just been diagnosed as ADHD, and having been made to form the habit as a child I might have at least counteracted some of my now lack of order.

They won’t become magically house proud adults just because they learnt to clean a toilet at 8yrs old!

Maybe his parent's aim isn't to turn him into a 'magically house proud adult'?

Just one that appreciates he should pull his weight.

Unlike far too many MNetters husbands.

Mine are adults now but we used to write a list of the tasks that needed doing and everyone got to pick 1 or 2 tasks.

Then everyone mucked in and the housework was done pretty quickly. Some grumbling but no real pushback as it was clear and fair to all.

Given mum and dad are also doing housework it seems like they are following a similar model. Great team work and showing how everyone can do their bit.

Not at this age I didn't and my parents didn't make me. Although my best friend was never allowed out until she had done all her chores and sometimes it was late afternoon before she made it out to play with the rest of us.

At this age, let kids be kids, and go out and play with their friends.

When I became a teen my Mum used to give both my DB and I chores to help with which we had to do before anything else. Both of us just did them, most of the time without argument, although I do recall one time my Mum chasing my brother down the garden with his football boots after he refused to clean them himself 😂

When my own girls hit the teen years they were asked to help more , mostly keeping their rooms tidy, emptying their bins, clearing up the bathroom after themselves and they were asked to take it in turns to wash up/dry up after tea (no dishwasher) Occasionally we would ask them to empty the recycling etc. We were lucky in that they both just chipped in and helped out without too much of an issue and no sulking and pushing back.

There is a time to teach them responsibility and how to do chores but 9 is a bit too young IMO.

Im 56. We had the same. Now all 5 of us have an idea about what is needed to run a house. We knew we had stuff to do. We got it done