9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

The whole family spending an hour Saturday morning sharing chores is good practice. Everyone pulls their weight and learns both cleaning skills and the value of not making a mess in the first place.

We used to do joint laundry sorting- everyone standing round the sock pile looking for pairs and taking their own. We’d chat about this and that. Then I realised it was easier if everyone did their own washing- no more sorting needed.

My Mum taught primary school reception for years …at the end of the day they all had a tidy up ..say 2 pieces of rubbish into the recycling each etc..I always wondered about the children who just stood around..trying to look busy but doing nothing..this thread might explain it…not lazy just bewildered?

I agree with the parents and think it’s a good thing that they let him play after doing jobs around the house

Well we do that, and also the same with homework. It gets done before playing. Then they can play to their hearts content!

I wish I’d done this with mine. They are so lazy. They just about empty the dishwasher. The oldest will put the vacuum cleaner around if I ask. The youngest strops spectacularly and makes it sound like I’ve asked him to pull his toe nails off. This has not been helped by their narc father telling them he pays to tidy and clean up after them and they are not to do it.

9 is definitely old enough!!
I doubt he’s cleaning whilst his parents watch tv. I expect he has to pair his clean socks up or tidy his bedroom! Both are fine and I think a good idea at 9. I make my son do these tasks and he is 4 😂 am I very mean???

I’ve said on here many times that my children do absolutely no chores other than to put their rubbish in the bin and bring cups/plates from a room if they take them into it. I don’t expect them to wash the dishes or empty the bin. Me and their dad do that. Childhood is short and they will have a lifetime of doing chores

Mine have always done chores and know play/down time comes after homework and chores (knowing is not the same as doing but hoping it’s a message that sticks in life later)
As teens, they do their own laundry, tidy and clean their rooms and help out with other cleaning tasks, are cooking a meal a week during the holidays. They’ve learned to notice things too like put the biscuits in the tin and throw the wrapper if they open a pack or put eggs in the right place if they open a box.

This 100%

I'm on the fence. I'd say mine never helped with housework, but from dot, there was tidy-up time after tea/before baths and they had to help put their toys away, clear up any mess they'd made playing. They knew they had to put their dirties in the right linen basket and started making their beds from about 10/11, unloading the dishy on return from school and wiping the bog seat/squirting a bit of bleach. Putting their dirties into the dishwasher and wiping up spills and crumbs.

But, actual cleaning, no. Not hoovering, cleaning bathrooms/kitchens/mopping/paintwork, etc.

I was brought up similarly, in an immaculate house where my mother had a cleaner, as I always have.

Both DC are grown up and run clean, tidy households. I think of you are brought up clean and tidy, you replicate it. DH's SILs are grubby and slovenly but so was their mother. It doesn't always follow because DH is very neat and tidy although didn't understand much about washing bedding and towels and cleaning basins when we met but only because he was never taught.

Sounds like great parenting and a very healthy family and relationship dynamic to me!

My kids so much more “housework” (we have a cleaning lady weekly, so really it’s chores and errands) during the summer holidays. Firstly, it keeps them busy. Secondly, it teaches them stuff including what it takes to keep a home running smoothly. Thirdly, they appreciate that just because some types of work aren’t paid doesn’t mean they’re not work. Fourthly, by the time they leave home I want them doing this sort of stuff out of habit/second nature so that they can focus on academics and career and socialising. Finally, I’m not their skivvy.

They started around 8/9yo with things like putting their dishes in the dishwasher, wiping down the table, sorting the laundry, changing towels, putting clothes away. Then they started making breakfast for themselves and leaving the kitchen as they found it, dropping off the dry cleaning, going to buy milk, taking the recycling out and changing the kitchen bin, vacuuming at the end of the day. I’ll add ironing and proper meal cooking soon enough. Actual cleaning of bathrooms and dusting and floor mopping I will have to stand over them one day and teach them. Just haven’t done it yet because I hate that stuff myself!

Yes, I think it’s great it sounded like the dad was involved too - all of them sharing the load. Sounds like a brilliant example they’re setting imo!

It is all very sensible and practical. Good parenting.
But I did get a picture in my mind of a Dickensian waif scrubbing floors.
Ridiculous and illogical I know.

About 2 years old.
Seriously.
They can be trained to put dirty clothes in a laundry basket and put a used plastic cup in the sink from that age.
You start with micro-tasks when they are toddlers, and build up from there.

I think you've hit the nail on the head there OP.
Kids learn by modeling the adults around them.
This wee boy sees his Dad pulling his weight and doing his share to keep the household ticking along in an orderly fashion so he's doing the same.
It will hopefully make him into an independent adult who won't need his life partner to think for him.

He will do well in life, he understands that rewards have to be earned

Love to hear this …great life skills

I actually have found the opposite to be true, in fact - if you get them involved when they’re young and want to be involved, it’s fun for them and then becomes a habit. But if you say no, I’ll just do it because you’re too small (my DSis was like this - “I’ll make you a sandwich, it’s quicker/easier etc) then you end up going past the point where they want to, and then you’re trying to get a grumpy pre-teen/teen to do “chores” and it’s a whole different dynamic.

My 11yr old has been helping with stuff for years. Of course I do most of it but she’ll make food, empty and fill the dishwasher, clear away, hoover etc. I can’t see why on earth a child wouldn’t contribute to a house - it doesn’t make them any less of a child!

I get that, but IMO, no 9 year old really needs to be doing chores that keep them away from their friends.

Lol, how long do you think finishing his chores is going to take that it could be considered 'being kept away from his friends'?

The drama on this thread from some people 😁

My 17 year old is only required to feed the cats

Congratulations on your man-baby, you must be so proud. Does he not notice you're infantalising him, or does he just not care?

Then I’d suggest this is why you think it’s sad. Someone making you do the dishes isn’t the same as everyone cleaning together. My DC are 7 and 9 and they have had housework increasing since very young. They are expected to tidy up after themselves, put their clothes into separate laundry baskets, hoover the dining area (because they are the ones that get food on the floor), sometimes they hoover the front room because they ask to! They put their clean laundry away too.

One day a week, we all clean up together - tidying, then hoovering, changing the beds etc. The DC enjoy it. We all get to spend the rest of the day in a lovely tidy house and we know we’ve all contributed.

It’s a great idea.

I saw a post on fb the other day from a mother of an 18 year old who’s about to go to uni and can do nothing for herself - mum was saying she’s been trying to teach her some domestic skills but she is lazy and disinterested, so she’s worried her housemates will hate her. I commented that it might be a bit late to be teaching her, and she said “no, I’ve been trying since she was 16!”

No, it’s never too early to get them involved in the running of the house, and it teaches them valuable skills/hopefully makes them less entitled and lazy.