9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

Maybe she wants them to stay at home forever. I know two men in their 40s (one almost 50s) like this. One of them moved out for a short time, but always brought his laundry home and ate meals back at his parents. He’s back living there again now.

Too many fathers send lazy, incompetent men into the world so good on this dad for setting a great example to his son.

I feel like you. I want my children to enjoy their childhood. Chores are not rocket science that take long time to learn so no need to start early. Having said that, it's easy for me as a sahm to not ask anything of my children but my cousin who is a single parent of 3 and who works full time actually needs their help with chores while I don't. So it really depends on the situation. But making my kids do chores "just to teach them" - no - I want them to do their homework and enjoy their youth (I didn't have that opportunity myself).

so at what age do they learn to keep house?

Totally normal to have to do your chores before you go out to play.
Mine have to do their rooms, clean out their pets, load/unload the dishwasher, hang out laundry and put it away.

I am so sorry you were abused.
😪

It's not necessarily cause and effect, though.

I did zero chores as a kid, but got a summer job at 14 and was perfectly well able to look after my rental property as an adult. You can pick it up as you go along - what happens in childhood doesn't determine the entire course of your life.

That’s what I said? Get them started young.

What makes you think there is any similarity bw what the OP describes and your situation as a child @BebbanburgIsMine ?

I wish I could do it, but I never could - I am such a drip. My dc walked all over me. But I admired the parents who could do it.

I was aged about 4 when I used to help my dad with jobs. Its one of my earliest and happiest memories. I probably helped with stuff before that but I don't remember it.

Age appropriate chores are fine, but if they are sending him up the chimney call social services!

Good.

I think it's fine. My oldest two are a lot older than 9 but yeah they always had chores to do because they need to know how to live independently. Started with tidying their room, then washing and drying up, then cleaning the kitchen sides and then doing the washing
My eldest has refused to move in with her boyfriend until he learns to do housework. She's taught him to use the washing machine and dishwasher so far and he's started cooking but it's a joke he's got to 21 without being able to do basic housework.

There was a thread recently about what age kids should start chores.

Personally I encouraged them from toddlerhood. They enjoyed jobs like unloading the dishwasher (obviously no glass or knives!) , helping with transferring laundry from basket to machine.

My kids are adults know but they would not have accepted starting chores as a teen- especially doing chores while younger siblings didn’t. I’m not saying that they never complained but they knew the theory of stuff like changing duvet covers long before they were expected to do their own.

People create mess and I think that kids are ill
usually accept clearing up their own. They might not do a good job at stuff like wiping a spill but they get better and hopefully became more conscious of stuff like throwing away rubbish.

Teaching children - especially boys - that the housework doesn't do itself is a brilliant idea. YABVU @NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot Good for this lad's parents for instilling these good ways in him.

This was my life from the age of 8.

I had to clean the entire house, top to bottom, including changing all bedding, cleaning the bathroom and toilet.

I had to clean the oven, take all the metal rings off the cooker and scrub them, take every tin and jar out of the cupboards and wash them, then clean the cupboards themselves. I also had to hang out all the washing and take it back in..

I did absolutely everything in the house, except cook, and that was another thing, my mother would make my favourite meals of steak pie or beef stew. When she was feeling particularly nasty I wasn’t allowed to stop and eat til all the chores were done. I wasn’t allowed to stop and eat anything she’d cook at other times, instead I was only allowed to fry a cheap burger with a packet of crisps, or have a poached egg on toast. She’d keep up a running commentary telling me I was lazy, useless, she’d work the laziness out of me, etc.

She left me with so issues and I hate the old cow. There’s nothing wrong with kids helping out, or tidying their rooms, but using them as slaves is something else entirely.

Chores are incredibly important and you are not doing your children a kindness if they don’t have them, you are doing them a disservice.

Chores can and should be started as early as 18 months - 2 years old. And no, they shouldn’t be rewarded for them either, that sends an awful message; intrinsic motivation is invaluable.

We are a family, we’re a team. We all pull together and muck in to make the house a nice place for us all to live.

If it was helping out for an hour or less I think it’s fine, anything beyond that is just unnecessary imo.

Growing up, we each had weekly chores. We usually did them on a Sarurday morning. I didnt feel hard done by having to do it. As an adult, I always spend a Saturday morning doing a quick clean.

My kids are 4 and 2. They help loading and unloading the dishwasher, 4 year old absolutely loves wiping things down or polishing, they tidy up their stuff.

Im struggling to see the perspective of the people who say their kids do no chores but then go on to list that they keep their beds made, rooms clean, clean up after dinner, dirty clothes in the basket... surely they are chores too? And they have to be done by someone!

No 💐

My MIL took this approach with her DC, because her childhood was hard and tough and she wanted to spare them and let them enjoy their childhoods. She tries to do it with my DC too and I put my foot down and overruled her. I don’t want them ending up like DH!

@ThatCosy Used to love doing the windows when I was a kid. Scrunched up newspaper leaving print on your hands. Not so much fun as an adult but I use boring cloths now 😂

My DSis and I as pre-teens/early teens started to do the dishes on a regular basis. The arguments we both heard from friends and their siblings or giving their mum attitude about who was going to unload the dishwasher made us cringe. It’s fairly common though if that makes you feel better!