9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

It was 12 when the OP posted. I wonder what time it was when this boy was cleaning. He might have been an extra half hour, got some lunch and then gone out to play. I can’t see the problem. As OP said, they were all cleaning. It’s not like it’s likely to take all day because he was doing it alone.

What's wrong with that?

I think it's too young for too many chores - mine are late teens and pretty good at cleaning, cooking etc but not because I made them do it aged 9. They usually do these things without asking now because they value having a clean house and nice food to eat.

I have also seen this backfire completely - my lifelong best friend was required to do lots of chores from a very young age and in adulthood completely went the other way - I know because we shared a flat for several years! Just remember that sometimes the way you bring them up can have the opposite effect!

My mum didn't expect us to do anything growing up- until we were teenagers and she's was working full time and needed help. By that point, it was too late.

Yes this was my colleague.

Every day during the school holidays she'd come home to a shit tip and washing up piled high, whilst her teenagers would glance up and ask what's for dinner.

A complete contrast to those of us who'd return home to a clean house and the dinner already started.

It's not even just about teaching the skills from an early age, it's also about instilling a non self-entitled mindset and a bit of thought for others.

My mum didn't expect us to do anything growing up- until we were teenagers and she's was working full time and needed help. By that point, it was too late.

Our dc have had chores, in some way, since they were small. Dh and I have always worked ft, so everyone has to pitch in. Now they're teens they:
Tidy own rooms and change own beds
Sort own washing into colours
Animal management
Hoover
Complete the odd list if they're off school and there are things to be done
Don't argue if asked to do a job

They know we all have to pull together. However, if someone ever called for them mid job, I didn't make them stay doing it.

I think making them do chores makes them have more respect for what you have to do.

I'd think nothing of this. Completely normal to teach children to contribute to cleaning the home young. It's an important life skill that parents need to teach.

Sounds absolutely fine. I think my DS was a little older when he started helping with jobs but it's the right approach, helping to start build their own independence for when they eventually have their own place and appreciating that it isn't the cleaning fairy that magically tidies up.

One less future thread on MN about a lazy slob DH too!

For goodness sake he just said he'll be playing a bit later that's all.

It'd be all the same if he had a dental appointment to go to, or if his gran had popped in to say hello.

i never did that with my children. Never gave them any chores. why? Becuase running a house shouldn’t be a chore. It’s our home. Not a place of work.

What I did was make it clear from very early age that we all live together and we all have a responsibility for keeping things clean and tidy. If dishwasher is full, empty it. Learn to cook and prepare the odd meal. Keep rooms tidy. Nothing should formal job just day to day life.

I wouldn’t not go out if the hoovering wasn’t done and therefore would never have prevented my child from going out if it wasn’t done. I wouldn’t ever have wanted my child to feel resentful and being at home.

anyway worked for us. Kids aren’t perfect but they can clean up after themselves and keep the place clean. One child is an amazing chef- far far better than me, the other can hunter gather a ready meal at Tescos should they need to.

If I ask them to do things they generally get done. We never argue about it and they don’t have any issue helping out when asked. But we just don’t make a big deal out it.

I wish id been given more variety of chores as a child rather then just tidy your room and wash up as i was seriously lacking in cooking and cleaning skills when I moved out

Yup. So many on here complaining about useless husbands who don’t understand the mental load. Letting them do nothing as kids/teens is how they are created!

Good on his parents, raising a boy to do chores and understand what it takes to run a clean, comfortable home.

My DS also had age appropriate things to do. At this age he was actually more interested in cooking so we went with that and now he’s feeding his flat mates at Uni 😄

Yes, our chore lists were always longer in summer too.

I am totally with you and agree.

My best friend never came out on a Saturday until late for the same reason. I always used to feel sorry for her because the rest of us had been out playing on our bikes etc for hours by the time she joined us. Must have been proper shit for her.

I am all for teaching kids life skills but for me, 9 is too young, and it should be all about having fun with no responsibilities at that age.

They are wise to have a child help hopefully one less man child as an adult.

All children should do appropriate chores from the age at which they are physically able to do them.

To be fair it is drama to the child who has to do chores when he sees his friends having fun outside. I was one who had to babysit my siblings, cook and clean and had too many adult worries from a young age. My teenagers only have to focus on school and tidying their rooms. With all the homework they get I want them to enjoy their free time.

It has got to the stage in my life now where I need a set of hands or two as me and my husband cannot keep on top of everything by ourselves and our full time jobs without the two older two pitching in. They are 9 and 11 and them doing even small jobs take some of the burden off us. So they get jobs and moan about it most of the time but I do not care because when I was their age, I helped out far more and got far less in terms of material items and experiences. My husband and I were slaving over the cooking, laundry, housework while our children looked on and suddenly we were like 'what have we been doing when the kids can muck in'. Studies show that giving children aprropriate responsibility from a young age has positive benefits across the board.

Our children cannot have screen time unless certain criteria are fulfilled. They need to do something helpful, something active and/or something creative before being allowed anywhere near a device.

Sometimes I cannot be bothered with the fight or training them to do a job properly and just want to donit myself because its easier but I cant because the alternative is very wrong.

Sounds entirely reasonble to me. Growing up, my brother and I were expected to do the dishes a couple of nights a week, and hoover the house on weekends. We were also responsible for cleaning out rabbit and hamster hutches.

My DS is 9 and he has to tidy his room which includes putting his clothes and clean bedding away. He unloads the dishwasher but doesn’t load it. He lays the table and does water for everyone before dinner and puts away toys he gets out in the rest of the house. So he could easily do his daily jobs within 10 minutes. He will also hoover the lounge on occasion and both children like using the spray to wipe down walls, skirting etc but I can’t afford for them to do it all the time as I’d need shared in the spray!

So sad. Made me think about Cosette in the Miserables... and that was two centuries ago. I am so sorry your parents were abusive dickheads.💐

Dunno but I already posted that my best friend at school, at this age, was never allowed out to play until she had helped with the housework on a Saturday and by the time she got out it was always late afternoon. The rest of us had been playing out for ages.

How is having a difference of opinion over a child doing, or not doing chores, classed as drama FFS? 😂

as soon as they can hold a duster

Unless their using him as slave labour I think it’s a good thing, shows him responsibility and that he can go and do good stuff when he’s finished.

Well you might have hated it but it taught you how to wash dishes

You dont have to enjoy every single thing you do as a child. Our job as parents is not to always take things away from children that they dislike, thats not realistic.

what happens in childhood doesn't determine the entire course of your life.

It very very often does.

How many times do you see people saying they have issues with food for example due to their childhoods?

Or people who are avid readers because it started in early childhood and continued?

I actually know adults with awful teeth that they're still not in a regular habit of brushing because they never had a routine instilled during childhood.

Good and bad habits very often start in childhood and continue for life.