9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

Mine did age-appropriate chores from a very young age. In the long run it's much easier to start as toddlers while it is still a game and they're enthusiastic about it. I can't say any of them loved it as older children and teens. But it is less of a thing than if you start fairly suddenly when they're older or a teen because, understandably, then their reaction is more likely to be a version of WTF.

Wish I done it with mine...reaping that lack of parenting now!

We do a sunday clean. Everyone has to do their bit. Takes about two hours.

Just because they are cleaning nd tidying doesn't make them any less kids.

My mother would make me finish homework before I could play, but not chores. That didn't make me not to know how to run a household or budget as an adult. I do the same with my daughter. She knows what to do around the home. But if she has an opportunity to play with her friends, I let her play. She's not going to have this stage in life ever again.

Excellent! This gives him a good chance of growing into being an independent, capable, functional adult.

My siblings and I had to do these sorts of chores at that age, and our children have been brought up the same. Of course all members of the household have to do their part in the house and it's very sensible to teach children this from a young age. It's certainly not 'sad', I think you should get your dc more involved in household chores OP.

The boy's family are all working together as a team, he's learning how to clean and look after a house, and he understands the importance of dealing with responsibilities first and then having free time to play - that's good parenting!

I’d have thought I’d got away lightly if I had to do a bit of dusting before going out to play. Instead I had to recite ALL my times tables, correctly, before I could go out. Sometimes whilst my friends were waiting on the doorstep for me! 😆

I think if they're old enough to take toys out of a box they're old enough to put them back in the box when they've finished and take it from there.

I can only presume his parents are raising a young man who will be able to live independently, or make a great partner for someone one day.
If only the millions of parents that have gone before them taught their little cherubs how to push a hoover round, and clean a toilet, I’m sure many of the women on here who seem to be married to children, would be absolutely thriving.

Whether it’s reasonable depends a bit on how often he’s having to do housework. If every day he’s not allowed out until he’s done a long list of chores then yes, I’d say that’s a bit unreasonable. On the other hand if every Saturday parents set aside an hour or so in the morning for everybody to sort the house and he’s involved in that then that’s less unreasonable. It also depends a bit on what exactly they are making him do, sending him upstairs on his own to deep clean the bathroom in silence for an hour seems a lot for a nine-year-old. On the other hand, putting some music on and having him do tasks like unload the dishwasher or use a feather duster whilst his parents do jobs like empty the bins and mop the floor, all the whilst chatting to each other and trying to make it an enjoyable activity, seems completely fine.

I think that's good OP

Reading this as we all tidy up, 4yo and 7yo included. They know that movie night tonight depends on their rooms being tidy and them
having helped helped clean up the other rooms so they are hard at work! We’ve been out cycling all morning so it’s not like we haven’t done anything fun.

Keeping house clean and tidy is all of our responsibilities, it’s a family effort. They are perfectly capable of pitching in and it’s important they learn to contribute as early as possible IMO.

They’re both pretending to be tidying superheroes so I don’t think they’re that hard done by!

There's definitely a balance to be had, I never had to do anything around the house as a child, never learnt to cook or use a washing machine (and no I didn't have any inclination to learn it myself) when I moved out I was an absolute mess, couldn't do anything really. It took me years to learn things and get into a good routine, I can't help but think if I'd learnt these things over years when I was a child it would have made my adult life a whole lot easier.

I quite often (maybe once every 2 months or so) have a "housework day" and every child gets two or three jobs to do such as hoovering, mopping, cleaning windows, sorting laundry etc. I wouldn't let them suddenly leave halfway through to go and play out. In fact I'd say it's a great incentive to crack on and get it done. Everyone lives in this house so everyone contributes to it's upkeep

Children have always had to work in families until probably the last 30 years.

This results in entitled children who have no idea what it takes to keep a house and family clean, fed and supplied. Imagine you ask a child of 9 to help and you come up against a hard no. What do you do at that point? What about at 12? Or 14? The expectation has been set that they are indulged. It’s worse for boys who are often not expected to help at all while their sisters are toiling.

Then think about 2 and 3 year olds who really want to help mummy or daddy. Why not get them to help at that age, with tasks that are age-appropriate and particularly about them? Hanging their clean clothes, putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket, helping clean up their mess? By the time they are 9 they are doing all of that and more. They’ve learned they have to take responsibility for their mess and their possessions.

Let them be children and play all the time? Then you wonder why you’re washing all the sports kits and uniforms, cooking all the meals and mopping the floors while they sit on their phones and become resentful at being asked to share in the labour of the family.

Apparently my 11 year old had to put on the duvet covers of the 4 other boys he shared a room with on residential a few months ago.
They had got themselves in a right pickle, he couldn’t quite believe they were so hopeless 😂

My children had to tidy their room but nothing else. They studied hard and I felt they were already working too many hours with school and studying combined. Luckily all that studying paid off and they can both afford cleaners. Of course I showed them how to clean and operate household appliances but it not something that you need to keep practicing. When one of my children was in hospital, the other one surprised us by cleaning the house from top to bottom. They had done everything. I thought I had walked in to a different home!

I was about six.

If you had tickets to the theatre or a friend rings you up and asks you if you want to go grab a drink are you saying you wouldn’t go until you had done all the hoovering? I work my household jobs around my plans and not the other way around.

I think it’s good for kids to learn that play and leisure comes after tasks whether that is homework, music practice or chores.

I have recently been driven a bit crazy by by own primary aged children leaving stuff dumped wherever they go and have instilled some new rules about taking plates back to the kitchen and them sweeping up after themselves if they spill crumbs etc. That is a work in progress tbh but I want them to be capable adults. On Residentials at 9 my daughter was expected to be able to strip and make a duvet. We had to give that a good go at home before relalising that she was perfectly capable (although I have to admit I’ve reverted to doing it again). She’s also been keen to learn more cooking skills. She’s pretty good with supervision and I’d hope by the time she’s a teen, she’d be capable of making a family meal once a week.

Christ, life is bleak enough without sending kids up the chimneys too soon.

My mum did this with me and my sister not my brother he was the youngest.

We had to get up every day and tidy up the living room and kitchen, hoover and polish take out the bins and tidy the bathroom. Did this from such a young age. My mum was an amputee.

If was a good routine tbh!
Can't say its made me a tidy person though. 😂

My 11 year olds friend came to call for him the other day and I had no qualms telling him he couldn’t come out until he had sorted his bedroom ie tidied, hoovered, brought down his rubbish, washing and dusted it…
I had been nagging about it for a week!
My Son thought it was totally embarrassing but spurred him on to make a start, his friend went away and came back within in 20 mins having decided he would give him a hand so they could get out quicker (not exactly what I had in mind 🙈)
When I was helping him remake his bed with clean sheets/duvet cover he started moaning he couldn’t do it… I explained to him that no one is born knowing how to put on a fitted sheet and that it takes practice.
I asked him what he would do when he’s left home and I’m not around to help, he laughingly announced he’d get his wife to do it, knowing that that would start me with the lecture about how he wasn’t going to be a useless lump of a man.
All mine have been assigned chores since they were about 8, both my 11 and 13 year old know how to operate the washing machine, cook a basic meal following a recipe and operate a hoover.
If they had started helping to do something they wouldn’t be able to go until we had finished so I can see why your DD friend was kept in.

DSiL trained DGD to put her own nappy in the bin aged 1! He would change her nappy, tie it up in a nappy bag, give it to her and tell her to put it in the bin - which she did. Both the DGC help out at home much more than either of mine ever did - I think it is a good thing - although 'helping' with the washing up when they were younger did used to result in quite a bit of water on the floor!

I would completely understand that. If you are made to do them at a certain time when you have the chance to see your mates and you can’t go out before they are done, you start to see them as a punishment and not just part of day to day life. Even the phrase ‘chore’ has negative connotations. I can totally understand someone who was made to stay in to do them sees them as something negative and so won’t do them when older. I would never have made my child stay indoors to do house jobs if they had a chance to socialise and make friends. The jobs will be there when they get back.