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Original poster

9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

260 replies

NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:04

Dd usually plays with a few children from our neighbourhood at the weekend. She’s just been to call at her best friends house. He said he can come, but only when he’s finished doing the housework (mum, dad and him seem to be cleaning)
Do you do this with your Dc, it seemed a bit sad for him or is it in fact good to start children early?
How much tidying/chores etc do your children do, of a similar age?
I ask Dd to tidy up after she’s had toys out and to tidy her room. Sometimes she does it without issue, other times arguments/complaining.

Where do you stand on this?

OP posts:
tulipsjulips · 15/08/2026 12:31

I grew up doing housework from a very young age and remember how much I hated it. Consequently my children did absolutely nothing in the house other than tidy their rooms occasionally. They are both fully functioning adults with clean and tidy homes (as is mine).

ohwhatthehelly · 15/08/2026 12:31

Bit smug saying ‘let kids be kids’ Hmm they can be kids and still take part in a good house sort out! My kids do on the rare occasion wither me or DH takes it upon ourselves to have a bit clean or sort! They don’t complain, well they might a bit but that’s life! They spend most of their summer hols playing and chilling as it should be, but life doesn’t just ‘happen’ magically and it’s never too early to learn there isn’t a magical tidying and cleaning fairy.

My parents didn’t believe in chores for kids and I was that student at uni who was blissfully unaware of the need to wash up, couldn’t cook a thing, didn’t know how to clean a bathroom, I don’t think I ever washed my bath towel.

It’s hardly child abuse to include them cheerfully in the running of the house, especially in the holidays when there’s plenty of time to play!

I never frame it as punitive and they don’t get rewards for tidying their rooms / doing various jobs (usually loading or unloading dishwasher, loading washing machine or hanging laundry etc or maybe hoovering or sweeping) and I don’t believe in rewards and punishments style parenting. It’s just what we all do, at least that’s how I try to frame it and just get my teeth if my grumpy teen boy complains! Don’t make a battleground of it but it’s a non negotiable.

dottiedodah · 15/08/2026 12:31

Sounds fine to me.He is helping his parents ,not scrubbing the floors while mums having a cuppa! I think its a good thing that he realises what goes into making and keeping a tidy home

peonysinthesunshine · 15/08/2026 12:30

Sounds like great parents tbh

Original poster
NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:30

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 15/08/2026 12:26

You think doing chores interferes with letting kids be kids?

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Not necessarily, it’s just after a week at school and homework (ordinarily, obviously not at the moment) they probably need some fun and downtime

OP posts:
Original poster
NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:28

LadyLooo · 15/08/2026 12:21

So what's the difference?

Is that not sad that he has to finish her housework before she goes out to play? Or is it only sad for other kids? 😳

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Bit of a difference between her room which rakes ten mins max and the other jobs around the house

OP posts:
Timeforachange26 · 15/08/2026 12:27

NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:22

This is true. What age did you start with them though? i’m not sure when is a good age?

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Well my daughter has her 18 month old putting toys in a box and clothes she gives him to take an put in washing machine. Oh his favourite is to wash coffee table, thinks that's great fun. Obviously I e of the parents does it properly after

8 year olds job is to unload dishwasher ( everyone puts their own washing up in) and keep room tidy. Also hoovers the front room rug ( along wth toddler helping with toy hoover)

CurlyKoalie · 15/08/2026 12:27

It's not sad
It's teaching him about priorities. At 9 years old he's not a baby anymore so "play" should now come second to making a contribution to the running of the whole household. I think it's excellent parenting and good preparation for adults life where, let's face it, we all have to do boring, mundane things for the greater good before we can go off and enjoy ourselves.

Friendlygingercat · 15/08/2026 12:26

Kids that age have to carry water and work in the fields in some developing countries. Its good training for adulthood and builds responsibility.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 15/08/2026 12:26

NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:19

Yes, same, I’m wondering whether to start with a few other chores or just let kids be kids until she’s a bit older

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You think doing chores interferes with letting kids be kids?

LadyLooo · 15/08/2026 12:25

NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:22

This is true. What age did you start with them though? i’m not sure when is a good age?

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The good age will depend entirely upon the child and their capabilities.

But sadly it often boils down to low expectations by parents, so they end up as helpless teenagers who don't know how to separate colours and work a washing machine 🙄

Original poster
NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:22

MaryIngallsRibbons · 15/08/2026 12:19

I expect my similar aged children to help with these kinds of jobs. Why shouldn’t they? They help make the mess and it prepares them for real life.

I don’t plan on being the MN poster who starts a thread about their child asking how to use a washing machine 2 years after leaving for uni.

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This is true. What age did you start with them though? i’m not sure when is a good age?

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LadyLooo · 15/08/2026 12:21

NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:16

No, she finishes it

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So what's the difference?

Is that not sad that he has to finish her housework before she goes out to play? Or is it only sad for other kids? 😳

WindsorGreatPark · 15/08/2026 12:21

Not seeing a problem here. Great to learn that the housework gets done quicker if everyone mucks in and does their share.

Original poster
NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:20

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 15/08/2026 12:16

Sounds great to me! Chances are he won't become a layabout man-child husband because he'll actually have some idea of teamwork, and the effort that it actually takes to maintain a home.

This is true!

OP posts:
Original poster
NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:19

Totaldramallama · 15/08/2026 12:16

My DD couldn't go out to play this morning until she had tidied her room. Though she doesn't really get involved with the wider housework

Yes, same, I’m wondering whether to start with a few other chores or just let kids be kids until she’s a bit older

OP posts:
Davros · 15/08/2026 12:19

Nah, let the poor sod go and play. I never did housework growing up and neither have my kids. Everyone worked out how to do it and even share housework without a big stick waiting for them

MaryIngallsRibbons · 15/08/2026 12:19

NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:14

No he’s doing the housework with them. Dusting, taking rubbish out, cleaning windows etc.

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I expect my similar aged children to help with these kinds of jobs. Why shouldn’t they? They help make the mess and it prepares them for real life.

I don’t plan on being the MN poster who starts a thread about their child asking how to use a washing machine 2 years after leaving for uni.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 15/08/2026 12:18

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 15/08/2026 12:16

Sounds great to me! Chances are he won't become a layabout man-child husband because he'll actually have some idea of teamwork, and the effort that it actually takes to maintain a home.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Original poster
NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:18

LilyOfTheValley25 · 15/08/2026 12:10

Why on earth would you think this wad problematic (except that he's not available to entertain your dc)?

Calm down. I was just asking what others do, no need to be nasty in response? I don’t need him to entertain my Dd, it’s ok

OP posts:
Totaldramallama · 15/08/2026 12:16

My DD couldn't go out to play this morning until she had tidied her room. Though she doesn't really get involved with the wider housework

Original poster
NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:16

LadyLooo · 15/08/2026 12:12

"I ask Dd to tidy up after she’s had toys out and to tidy her room. Sometimes she does it without issue, other times arguments/complaining."

And you'd let her down tools in the middle of tidying her room to go and play?

No, she finishes it

OP posts:
SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 15/08/2026 12:16

Sounds great to me! Chances are he won't become a layabout man-child husband because he'll actually have some idea of teamwork, and the effort that it actually takes to maintain a home.

Timeforachange26 · 15/08/2026 12:16

NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:14

No he’s doing the housework with them. Dusting, taking rubbish out, cleaning windows etc.

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Still chores. You make it sound they he's slaving away and the parents are sitting on their arse. He lives in the house , why shouldn't he share the chores

Original poster
NotsureifIwantsummertobeoverornot · 15/08/2026 12:14

LordEmsworth · 15/08/2026 12:07

Is he scrubbing the bathroom floor and climbing up ladders to clean all the windows? Or actually just tidying his room?

Why on earth are you sad about a 9 year old learning to tidy up after himself?

No he’s doing the housework with them. Dusting, taking rubbish out, cleaning windows etc.

OP posts: