9 year old can’t come to play until he’s done the housework

My mam done it all and the house was spotless as a result I learned absolutely nothing and have had to learn as I go , the same with cooking .

My DD used to help with a bit of dusting at that age. Apart from that it was just really tidying her room and making sure she put dishes in the sink and sorted out school bag etc. She’s got ADHD so just keeping on top of her own room and keeping on top of not spilling mess into communal areas has been enough to try to get her to do. She’s 16 now and probably does less than she should. Pretty much still the same as before as well as washing up own dishes, taking out the bins (not her job per se but when asked) and remembering to mop up the water after a shower and clean the sink after the mess she makes brushing her teeth. No actual “cleaning” as such apart from in her own room.

I"ve said as much in my posts, that they are kids for such a short time. I totally agree that they should be learning to do jobs when they're young.
My comments are aimed at those parents who absolutely refuse to let theirs out to play when their friends call, until they've done their jobs.
Mine had to do their jobs but I was also flexible with it. If they had a job to do but they unexpectedly got a better offer from their friends I'd let them out on the proviso the jobs are done when they come back.
They are now fully functioning, capable adults.
God, if I've got jobs to do and a friend calls, most of the time I'm out the door and the jobs can wait!

Unless he was wedged up a chimney with a set of brushes it’s called good parenting.

I never understand the people who say 'they're kids for such a short time, let them enjoy it' when it comes to normal housework.

They're emptying the dishwasher not putting a shift in down the mine.

As someone who's mother didn't let them do anything for them selves, all fun and games when you're young. Not so fun when you're 22, living alone and never used a washing machine 😂 my children have chores,I do not want them to be clueless like I was. It's good to know how the real world works before you are forced in to it

My 8 year olds household jobs are;
Empty the dishwasher
lay the table on the days he doesn’t “cook”
do 1/2 the recycling (take it outside to the big bins)
put his clothes away in his bedroom.
My 12 year old;
cooks A meal for 4 of us 2 nights a week
clears the table on the days he doesn’t cook
reloads the dishwasher every night
do the other 1/2 recycling
folding and sorting his clothes from his brothers, putting his clothes away upstairs
clean the children’s bathroom 1 day a week
strip his and his brothers beds
do 1 load of laundry per week (including drying)

It’s all about independence. Everything is done under mine or DHs supervision, but my oldest cooks a lovely spag bol, can bake salmon and does a really nice cheese and pineapple tart thing. They also appreciate the things that “Mummy” does for them, as well as helping to keep the house tidy, and clear up their own messes.
I don’t want to raise useless boys that need fully retraining in order to live with someone. It took a lot out of me when I saw my male flatmate at uni try to hoover up sick. Honestly, I wondered if he had been raised by wolves. So I don’t want my boys to live away from me the first time and not be able to do anything for themselves or have to google “how to change a light bulb” or “how to get stains out of white clothes” because that stuff should be taught by mum and dad!

My two year old cries to empty the dishwasher with me and my 5 year old absolutely loves cleaning, to the point where she will ask if she can clean. I’m not some sort of slave driver, honestly 🤣
But we have always encouraged age appropriate chores and included them in what we are doing, they love to help.

Really wish I'd started it at that age with mine!

This is how I was with my dc. They are both now adult dc & do the chores in their own houses and run their own lives. They even have jobs to which they turn up on time. Being allowed to play out with their friends and doing their household jobs at a time more convenient to them was not detrimental to them.
Take a chill pill and let your dc enjoy their friends. You'll soon be on here upset that your dc are feeling left out!

My 8 year old just straightens 3 pairs of shoes by the door (no indoor shoes in this house) and makes his bed. He does absolutley nothing else. I think its important to teach kids to contribute to the home with small tasks. My kids will hopefully have a family of their own one day or live i dependantly and I want to make sure they know how to look after a home. I think you are being unreasonable to think kids shouldnt be taught basic household tasks when its actually quite important.

Meh. I know it’ll be controversial on uptight Mumsnet but I would FAR rather my child was outside playing than doing chores. They are children for such a short time. There is plenty enough time to teach these things. Give them a few jobs sure, but not so much that it interferes with the more important work if being a child .

My DC had chores from about 8 year old nothing extreme but every Saturday morning they had to strip their beds and tidy their rooms they could then go out to play whilst I would do the actual cleaning and hoovering and remaking their beds as time went on the chores were increased slightly and now they are young adults they have that skill set and a routine it may not necessarily be a Saturday morning but they do it weekly (both boys)

Good for them for not bringing up a boy who will grow up into a useless man who does nothing around the house. You should have applauded them … let’s hope your daughter marries someone like him!

Im OK with that.
We used to say if we all do it now we can all get out soon.

Definitely this.

My son and daughter had to do housework when they were in primary school. Before that they had to tidy their rooms. When in secondary school they had to put their washing in the basket or it wouldn’t be done. That would mean wearing used PE clothes or uniform. At 13/14 they had to iron their own clothes and help with the housework. I worked as a nurse and did 12hr shifts. When I was tired I would call them to make dinner for us all.
They didn’t whinge and moan they got on with it. They are both self sufficient adults now and my son does his own ironing still because nobody can ‘iron as good as him’ 🤣

You don’t know the full circs. If he was told at 9am he had to tidy before he went out and it’s not yet done is that still sad?

my 5yo tidies after himself and is starting to help with table, dishwasher, washing etc. I don’t intend to raise boys who rely on someone else for this stuff, he lives in the house so does age appropriate things with support

All my kids by 9, emptied bedroom bins. Sorted washing into piles, put it away. Changed and made their own beds. Empty dishwasher. Dust. Clean windows etc. I don't have to tell them to tidy their toys or bedrooms that's just the norm to put stuff away when the game is finished. We often put loud music on and blitz the house together. Never had a complaint from them. They're often super proud and want Me to take photos etc if they've done something really well. Being tidy won't suddenly click in for them at 18 it starts as soon as they're old enough to make a mess

Absolutely this. Op you're assuming this child doesn't enjoy it. Mine will argue over who gets to hoover spray and steam clean. They genuinely see some of the gadgets very fun. They use the polish as if it's spray paint and write their names! We have music on or all chat when we are doing it together. Mine get to decide shall we have another room lay out that could work better for games or for movie nights. It's all about being valued as part of a team. Mine get a real sense of confidence and achievement from it.

Mine also have a mix of autism and adhd. That means for us executive functioning takes a lot longer. There's so many skills being learnt. Time management, priorities. Taking breaks managing frustrations overwhelm breaking things down to smaller jobs. This skills are so vital in so many areas of life. It's also a lot easier to start younger before you've got hormones/expectations/entitlement in the mix.

Wow. In my childhood, it was the norm for children to do a large part of the housework, gardening, farm work. At 9, my cousins were expected to be at the cowshed before 6 am to get the cows in and start the milking, and at 4 pm for the same. My brother mowed the half-acre of lawn at that age. I cooked dinner Tuesdays and Thursdays, including peeling potatoes, cut up raw liver for the cats every day, fed the chickens, and every Saturday, I weeded the vegetable garden for 3-4 hours. At 12, I was responsible for cleaning 2 bathrooms every Saturday, hoovering a 3000 sq ft house, doing more gardening on the weekends and I ironed my DF's work shirts and my school uniform on Sunday night. We never had time to go out on weekends because of homework and housework. Kids learned young ... and I hated it. But I knew how to garden, grow veg and make compost, clean a house, cook and iron at a very early age, so was capable when I left home. Before you ask...my mother was a lazy cow who preferred playing golf to being a mother.

I don't really care, certainly wouldn't expect that at nine, they are older teens and just naturally want to help. I think kindness and empathy were traits I was hoping they would acquire with my encouragement.

From no age, really! My 4yo had to cook with me this week, 9yo helped me change out a tap, and 6yo was de-icing the freezer. I expect it, but they don't mind it. They like discovering how things work.

If they just get one with it, nothing takes more than one hour. That leaves 10+ hours to be outside and play.

If they are cleaning together as a family, I don’t see anything wrong with that?

That sounds great particularly if he gets to do it with his parents. Family time can be working together to achieve a nice place to live.