Have you ever known the woman to leave the family home and leave the kids behind? (title edited by MNHQ at request of the OP)

What doesn't leave you?? Asking as a person brought up by their Dad

That my birth mum didn't want the relationship I have with my daughter with me.

See it's never bothered me so it's a personal thing, not the case for everyone

So sorry

Thank you. I let my kids know that their mum loves them very much so they will never feel like I do.

I know everyone is different but I never called anyone mum and I love being called it !

You make sure that you take the children with you, if you have nowhere to go you go to a women's refuge.

Do try bothering reading the thread. As has been pointed out, what do you do if the children refuse to leave?

Things just aren't as simple as your black and white world view. God help you if you ever get into a really sticky situation.

Yeah happened with friend of mine at school.
Mum left them with their father who was alcoholic when friend was 4, sister 2 and older brother 6.
Bought herself a cushty 3 bed house, never had them stay overnight or weekends. Just used to pop round to theirs Tuesday nights and they would go to hers for lunch every Sunday.
Ita baffling because normally when parents split and kids live with the mum, they still go to their dads to stay weekends, but their mum didnt even do that.

of course i dare judge - i have every right to - who the fuck leaves kids being beaten and takes themselves off? if you can leave you can take them with you

My friends mum did when we were about 15. Hasn't spoken to her since.

Try reading the thread carefully.

You and your attitude are a great help to the abusers.

I did, and it’s haunted me since.

My ex was a nasty piece of work, to me. Our boys he idolised. I always felt like an outsider, it was them versus me.

Things came to a head one day and he told me if I didn’t like it I could leave. I said I was taking the boys and he refused. In the end he changed the locks to the house so I couldn’t take them.

He then proceeded to brainwash them, he’d started when we were together. I think because I left I brought shame to his family and he was embarrassed because status was everything to him. So he had to make out it was my fault, and make the boys hate me as much as he did. I almost felt used, I gave him the three sons he wanted and then I wasn’t needed. I do wonder what would’ve happened if we’d had girls.

Anyway presents were returned unopened, letters returned ripped up. I was told to leave the school grounds because he’d said stuff to the school, and I no longer received school emails.

In the end, for my sanity and mental health I had to admit defeat. I wasn’t getting anywhere and it was eating me up. I wish I hadn’t in a way, but my ex was determined to make sure I paid for leaving.

I’m now married again, with twins who are the age my youngest son was when I left. It’s brought things back in a way because soon they will be older than their brother was when I knew him.

I hope one day they will get in touch. I think about contacting them on Facebook but I’ve had enough rejection from them to last a lifetime.

@StupidCupid50 that's such a heartbreaking situation. I hope you can find peace with your new family. xxx

My mum did. Total shit show. Not sure anyone really recovered from it tbh - even 30 odd years later. We’ve never had the relationship we should have had.

To be honest, I think it would have been much easier for a woman to get away with this.

"The bastard walked out and left me with three kids" wouldn't really be questioned.

Things have changed so much since the 1990's and it would be much harder to claim somebody has disappeared now than before. Previously, your only methods of contract were landline phones and mail. If you didn't have a forwarding address or new phone number, you simply had no way of contacting them. WhatsApp, email, social media, etc, have changed all that.

Yes, I was mostly meaning older cases rather than anything happening right now, as we were discussing what had happened in the past. I agree it would be much harder now for anyone to disappear without any investigation being launched.

But it does still happen, wasn't there a case of an elderly couple going missing? Their daughter lived in the house and told everyone that they have retired somewhere up north when in reality she and her boyfriend had killed them and buried them in the garden? I guess a lot depends on how many people would miss them, and in the case of mothers of young children I would suppose that a fair few questions would be asked.

The world was a different place before social media though.

Our neighbour took the dog and left three children with her husband.

Same here we were 8 and 6. I wish there was groups we could go to and speak to others who’ve been through the same because it would have helped me so much. My dad went on to have kids with a woman who was abusive and then my dad joined in so really wasn’t a great time. I should see a therapist but I don’t think I’d come out any better.

A good friend of mine left her daughter with her ex husband when they split up. The house was local authority and they never got round to changing the names on the tenancy, so when they split up, she had to move out. Their daughter was supposed to stay with Dad until Mum got herself sorted with a house. She had all her stuff at Dads, her friends were local and was settled into the local school.

Mum struggled to get a house close enough so that her DS could still go to the same school, be near her friends and clubs etc. She wasn’t happy about it, but it was best for her daughter to stay at Dads house. He was also semi retired and could do all the school runs, where as my friend worked full time. She paid a good amount of maintenance and split things like clothes, uniforms and clubs.

She had her daughter 3 weekends in every 4 and saw her in the week. They went out for tea, she took her to clubs etc.

Her daughter is in her 30’s now and they have a brilliantly close relationship.

Sure, bur If you choose to have a child, a person that had no choice in the matter, surely you have to accept that they're your responsibility for life?

I just can't think of a decent reason that would excuse it or lead to no judgement

Off the top of my head I can think of several. A child my mum used to child-mind, and his siblings, lived with his dad because his mum had left them. My cousin’s husband’s first wife left him with two kids (and also never saw the kids again). Another relative had a child with an American woman who went back to America, and she sees their child in person maybe once a year. And my colleague’s mum left the family home when she was about 10.

Also, an ex of mine married a woman who essentially left her children for him. She was a single mum and just decided she’d go and have a new life with him and just dropped the kids off with their dad one day and moved into my ex’s house without them. So the kids not only lost their mum but also their actual home and most of their possessions overnight. Amazingly my ex didn’t see this as a red flag. Their marriage lasted 11 months.

It’s the same for dads though?

In most cases the mother is the primary carer and would upset the dc a lot more than if the df left and l am excusing the father just stating a fact.

Obviously. I judge anyone that leaves their children. Male or female.

My Mother did.