To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

The fact he lost it the night before at the arcade over something as innocuous as a claw game, makes me wonder how badly behaved this 10 year old actually was. Especially as the version is coming from someone very sympathetic to the hitter

I think some of you would be very surprised at how hard it is to get expelled from school. I don't think it would happen for pushing someone, unless there was injury as a result.
I think he'd be put into isolation, or suspended for a period of time. For children whose behaviour means they really shouldn't be in mainstream, there is the PRU.

He didn't rape someone though. He gave a pita kid a shove. He didn't physically harm her - you'd think he punched her in the face, from some of the posts on here.

I'd 100% agree with all the posters baying for blood if he'd actually punched her or caused any kind of injury, but that's not what happened.
He tried to get away, she kept coming at him and he pushed her on the shoulder. He shouldn't have, no one thinks otherwise. At the same time, the girl should be held accountable for her own part in this. It's not right to put it all on him and nothing on her. I think even the best of kids would struggle not to lash out in the face of that level of provocation.
But he's being equated with wife beaters snd rapists on this thread - it's a total overreaction, particularly when no one is ignoring his issues and he is receiving help to get them under control. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Im suprised the SS didnt explain to her DC not to antagonise your SS . It seems she doesnt like him much ( maybe because he takes up your time) I think 11yr knew fully well she was pushing him to his limit , then to follow him calling him a cry baby ...looks like a bully in the making ....hes part of your family and of course there should be conditions on how not to wind him up especially by membets of your family ..seems like neice and sister are not nice .......horrid to say put him in a home!

I think we can be fairly confident that this would not have been a single incident.

The OP makes clear that school has seen enough concerning instances from this boy that he spends most of his time away from his peers in the SEN unit.

If he’d hit a year 7 at school, at his age, with a back drop that he does… he’d have been expelled. And the school would no doubt heave a huge sigh of relief

You do for destroying property and name calling, all unprovoked.

Can you expel a pupil for a single incident which was provoked?
I certainly know of older pupils who weren't.

She needs to apologise for spilling water on his picture when he refused to allow her to see it she ruined his drawing and that’s not a nice thing to do to someone. He told her no she needed to accept his answer not take his sketch book. She needs a lesson in respecting peoples boundaries and property.

I think it’s a bit bizarre to refer to them as a man and a woman and to compare this to a domestic violence relationship.
He should not have hit her and his father and OP need to speak to him privately and talk to him about being close to becoming an adult man and the realities of child protection and criminal records and the importance of not using your strength against someone weaker.
I don’t think they should humiliate him in front of OP’s sister who is, in my opinion, overreacting by saying he should be in care.
He is still a child and a child with problems. He can still do a lot of growing up in the next few years and the way OP’s sister is reacting would likely result in things deteriorating rather than improving.
There are degrees of violence and he hasn’t punched her in the face, flattened her or injured her.
I would take it very seriously with him though but not reject him. I can’t see the evidence for saying that he’s a risk to OPs younger children at this point but I would be very vigilant.
I don’t think OP is going to change the way her sister sees this and it’s probably best not to see her when he’s present.
How the sister handles this with her daughter is up to her but I wouldn’t be demanding apologies. If OP and her sister interfere in how they each handle their children they are going to seriously fall out.

Your sister also had a part in this, she called your stepson a toddler. What else has she said in your nieces hearing? A 10 year old calling a 15 year old a cry baby? That's come from somewhere else - your sister.

@Inthefridgenow
intentionally provoking somebody (aka „winding them up“, especially if done to provoke a reaction) actually is taken into account in quite a few jurisdictions.

it may lead to milder sentencing (for the person who was „provoked“) and somebody who intentionally tried to to provoke a reaction may have their right to self-defence limited.

but more importantly: He isn’t her husband. She isn’t his wife. They’re not even adults. You’re comparing apples with oranges…

I cannot reply to the previous poster as their post was deleted (not reported by me before I get accused of that). It is never ok to hit and that is recognised in law. But it depends what you mean by 'winding up'. Coercive control is recognised in UK law and what you call 'winding up' may be considered domestic abuse by courts.

The age of legal responsibility in the UK and Wales is 10.

I mean I think this whole ‘he’s a violent, abusive criminal who should be reported to the police’ stuff is disproportionate and unhelpful, but if you’re going to go there it could be argued that she committed a ‘public order’ offence.

I don’t think violence is ever OK and I don’t think she ‘deserved it’ but like another poster said, it really does feel like some people on here are being deliberately binary and obtuse.

This is getting ridiculous now.

Should a 15YO be hitting? No, it is seriously wrong and OP and the SS know that and are working to change the behaviour.

Should a 10YO girl be name calling, goading, potentially throwing water over someones belongings (pretty big coincidence IMO if it was an accident) and ignoring adults? No and the parents need to acknowledge and correct the behaviour.

If my child behaves in a way I don't like, I acknowledge the behaviour. We shouldn't need 20 pages debating if this is an acceptable way for a child about to start secondary school to behave.

Just to be clear, are you intending to insult this poster by suggesting they might be disabled?

Can we also note that the ‘damaging of property’ was a water spill that happened then ‘she caused him to shout at her’ Sounds to me like he startled her, but it wouldn’t suit OPs narrative to label it as an accident

Adults behave in with lots of ways that children should be picked up on. I do believe it is wrong to swear at people in an aggressive manner unprovoked, you are free to disagree with me. I think if someone regularly abuses people unprovoked and damages their property, the police and possible adult social care would become involved because it is not acceptable normal adult behaviour.

Comparing apples and oranges.

if the boy had told the 10 year old girl to ‘piss off’ or similar, this thread wouldn’t be as long as it is. I think the vast majority could could brush that off as him losing his cool.

If you don't think a woman should be punished for swearing, then you can't insist a primary school child apologise for calling a 15yo a cry baby. He was being a cry baby to be fair. Throwing tantrums over arcade games.
Yes there's reasons but that isn't the 10yos problem or responsibility to manage.
Ultimately it's OP who has failed both kids by sitting there and not doing anything.

I do wonder what he must be like at school. Surely children his own age will tease him occasionally. I can't imagine this is the first assault by him.

No. Absolutely not. But should women be allowed to verbally abuse other people?

The girl was provoking an argument, as kids do...so if things ended there she would deserve a punishment

He is a nasty little git. No way should any 15 year old, male, female hit a 10 year old.

Angry or not he has no excuse to hit out...words are enough to stop a 10 year old.

Op I really can't believe you're minimalising this

If a woman swears at a man is he allowed to punch her? And if he does punch her do you think the police will say she caused it and make her apologise too?