To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

Provocation is actually a partial defence to murder.

If you are charged with assault the court definitely look at behaviour beforehand. Provocation isn't a complete defence but that excuses a physical assault, but the history, words, and actions between the parties before the incident are vital pieces of evidence examined during a trial and may heavily influence sentencing even if found guilty.

What are you talking about?
There being raised to walk away, have self respect and leave an abusive relationship. Bit to quietly take abuse.

You seem to be saying that we have 2 choices when raising boys - raise them to thump a woman who is abusive or quietly remain in the relationship. What are you on about?

We teach our boys that violence is never ever the answer. But walking away, ending a friendship or relationship or not getting involved with certain groups is the way to handle it. We are not teaching them that if they cannot hit back then they must accept any and all behaviour from a woman. Your post is just stupid.

The thing is I was parented properly as a child so I wouldn’t need to behave or react like that as an adult, nor would I deliberately attack someone either.

seems like the OP is trying to help her stepson get to that point - and you (and others) are determined to vilify him and excuse the behaviour of the niece who will grow up to feel her behaviour is ok. That’s the issue.

also you do realise in situations (often where women have been provoked and abused and have lashed out fatally at their spouse, the court does take this into account. It’s not the male / female issue you’re trying to paint it out to be.

He shouldn’t have hit her.

but he knows that.

He used the strategies taught and walked away and she followed him and was taunting him.

If he hadn’t have hit her would she have followed him into his room? Around the resort? When would she have stopped?

I think anyone would have trouble not reacting physically to remove someone who is taunting them and a hormonal 15yo boy who doesn’t have any biological failing whir life will struggle more.

I think the holiday needs to end. Let your sister do what she wants as the authorities will look at the bigger picture and not just 15yo boy Vs 10yo girl.

Keep him in therapy and keep working on him learning strategies to cope because hitting isn't the answer and he may find himself trapped by someone following and taunting him again and he needs to be able to manage this.

@PapaSteel
Why didn’t you get up, walk over and physically intervene by moving the artwork and telling your SS to go to another room, whilst making eye contact with your niece and telling her that no means no and she needs to leave him and his drawings alone for now. Why didn’t you get involved?

It sounds like you ineffectually sat off at the side just saying “stop please.”

You know he is a danger, you need to be standing there and intervening.

it beggars belief that this needs saying, but a 15 year old is significantly older and more mature than a 10 year old, and also above the age of criminal responsibility

Imagine your son is in a relationship with an abusive woman who taunts him, destroys his things and calls him a cry baby when he tries to get away from her abuse. He doesn't tell anyone, he just quietly suffers in silence because he's been taught that girls can do what they want, all the responsibility is on men to control their temper and it's only violence that matters, verbal and emotional abuse is acceptable.

He hit her. He’s 15. Your sister isn’t overreacting FFS.

More excuses.

I wondered how long until the "it's okay because I didn't punch you I just hit you" came along. I hope he doesn't have a girlfriend.

Are you for real? Boys are far stronger than girls. My dd used to play mixed sex rugby. That’s only considered safe for under 11s. Weight for height, boys have far more lean muscle mass than girls. Genetics.

The average 15 year old boy could cause serious damage to a grown woman, let alone a 10 year old. And your dss is only a couple of inches below average height.

As for your dn, she sounds like a brat, but you can’t excuse your dss at all.

Tell you what, next time someone is nasty to you - be that in the street, at work or whatever - give them a - what was it - oh a “good smack” and see if the police accept their “nastiness” as an excuse not to prosecute you.

Do keep us posted as to how that goes.

Assuming that he hasn't actually really hurt her, I think she had it coming tbh. He was minding his own business and she repeatedly got in his face. He walked away and she followed him, continuing to taunt him and ignoring the instructions of the adult who was in charge. I think she experienced FAFO and that's not a terrible lesson to learn.

He's a boy, not a man, so shouldn't he judged or punished as one. He's also a kid with anger issues who was continuously provoked. He reacted in the expected way.
The real failures here are you and your sister. You, because you ought to have stopped feeding the baby and dealt with the situation before it turned into this complete shit show. If you cannot control a NT 10 year old child's behaviour, you've no business looking after one! Even if you had to forcibly remove her from getting in your ss face, then that's what you needed to do. Seems to me you were too woolly and he became increasingly frustrated and lashed out. He has strategies to deal with his emotions, but got no back up from the adult in charge.
Your sister is at fault because she has raised a brat and won't see that in failing to impose discipline and respect, she has put her 10 year old in this position, where she gets in people's faces and says inflammatory things.

I wouldn't make him apologise unless sister makes 10 year old own her own part in how this played out. But you do need to get his issues under control and not holiday with your sister - she doesn't view this child as family. I do also agree that he mustn't be left unsupervised because he's struggling to stay on top of his feelings.

15 is also a child….are you alright or just cherry picking to suit yourself?

She was nasty. she’s also…10. A child.

You think hitting and violence is acceptable. I don’t, under any circumstances. If that makes me a bully by your twisted rationale, then fine.

Are you often so binary? Do you think bringing up children to be spiteful bullies and telling them they don’t have to apologise is ok? What about if adults do that too? Is that then ok?

I agree

Jesus. Really? What a waste of police resources. And we have to pay for that. All
because she is unable to parent her ten year old.

Niece is not equally in the wrong. Being annoying is not the same as being violent. You are minimising.

I think that both children need help managing their behaviour. He should not have hit her and I am not excusing that, but your sister needs to teach her child about other people's boundaries.

Do you think violence in general is OK, or only against children?

You do realise that in parts of the UK giving a child a “good smack” is a criminal offence?

She’s not over reacting. She could call the police if she wanted to and report him for assault.

She was definitely bullying him.

It's not SS's fault he is much stronger and consequently cannot use that strength without it beginning a big deal.

I think it's best for your SS if you no longer spend time with this family.

No, he should not have hit her.
However, I also don’t agree with poster’s here downplaying the 10yo’s behaviour. She’s not just a brat, she’s a spiteful bully.

Oh I’m sorry. It’s just you said victim blaming in regards to a ten year old who was being particularly nasty and bullying so that’s where I made the assumption from.

Excellent post.