To think Dsis is overeacting after SS hit niece?

Ultimately, the person to blame for this boy's issues is an adult female.

And violence against children (of which women are the main perpetrators) will never end as long as people keep making excuses for the poor struggling single mums.

We should be consistent with this rather than excusing women whilst claiming it's no defence for men. A young boy with an undeveloped frontal lobe has more excuse than a fully grown adult woman.

I didn't say that, why not try reading what I actually said. Nowhere did I say physical aggression was okay and you are being very spiteful about someone who has suffered trauma not "trauma".

Oh my God. Take a day off.

1. Literally no one is saying the 15 year old can ‘do what he wants’.
2. Neither aggression nor violence was mentioned when they were in the arcade. The OP said he felt angry and went for a walk.
3. Belittling a child’s experience of years of physical and emotional abuse by putting trauma in inverted commas and calling him a ‘poor little lamb’ is pretty grim, even on an anonymous forum. Are you also one of the posters who thinks the niece’s behaviour is ‘normal’? If so, I’m sensing a pattern.

But the 15yr old can do what he wants? Including physical violence and aggression. 2 episodes here in 2 days?
Because of "trauma". Thats why violence against women will never end. Because its never the poor little lambs fault. They were always driven to it, had a hard life.
Jeezus.

Because her mother has already described this boy as a tantrumming toddler

So the daughter pursuing him and calling him a cry baby just shows what kind of role model she has

Really? So you would smack your child in the face if they accidntally/on purpose spilt something?
And of course we only have OP version of events.

Well you seem to be making up your own version of events, regardless of what the OP said. No-one smacked anyone in the face in the OP's version.

Im so very glad that the majority of people on here dont understand how children with trauma can act. My mum died when I was 6 and my brother 8, he became a very angry child, where as I went the other way and became quiet. I remember my brother losing his temper and punching things. As with the OP he was told he was wrong and told off and apologised. I still as an adult spend a lot of time alone, my brother has calmed a lot.

Um... no because I'm not 15. And of course we only have one version of events but that's always the case on MN.
I don't understand why anyone thinks a child of 10 is allowed to destroy something, not apologise and keep teasing the person they've upset. Maybe it explains why there are so many kids who think they can do whatever they want though.
I never said the 15 year old should be able to hit her but if she hadn't behaved so badly it wouldn't have happened.

Really? So you would smack your child in the face if they accidntally/on purpose spilt something?
And of course we only have OP version of events. Which paints the younger smaller child as the villain to excuse/explain her child's behaviour.
This thread is gob smacking.

A 10 year old should be mature and aware enough not to destroy something and if it was an accident they should be mature enough to say sorry instead of continuing to wind the person up.
It doesn't mean it was okay to hit her but I can understand why he was so wound up it happened. I wonder if this 10 year old goes around destroying things at school and then bullies the child afterwards. If she does there is an issue if she doesn't then she knows better.

So we expect a 10 yr old girl to be mature and aware enough not to tease an older child with difficulties. But we don't expect the 15 yr old boy to be aware enough not to hit a younger girl. Righto. We cannot see the hypocritical mismatch here? This is not a learning disabled 15yr old. No wonder society (women) is so fucked.

I think it depends, if a 10 year old does this all the time, then maybe there's something more to it. However, occasional unpleasant behaviour such as name calling, pestering and even a one off incident (albeit really quite mean if it was on purpose) of destroying special property can be developmentally normal. This is particularly true if out of routine, e.g. on holiday. Even "typical" 10 year olds can do some quite horrible things, they are much, much further behind in their social understanding even than a 12 or 13 year old.

I don't believe it is in any way acceptable for a 15 year old boy to hit a 10 year old girl. Almost no 15 year old I have ever worked with would think that was OK either (in mainstream, prus or SEMH schools).

Her behaviour was not developmentally normal and I’m really surprised by how many people seem to think it was. As a previous poster has said, it is acknowledged that the step son has difficulties with emotional regulation and possibly impulse control, which is expected given the adversity he has experienced. He is getting help, both from his family and from professionals. He is well supported at school and has a good group of friends who look out for him. Nobody seems to be either acknowledging or supporting the niece with her difficulties; from what is described she appears to have poor social and emotional development, a lack of empathy, poor impulse control and struggles to follow spoken instructions even when given multiple times. She also isn’t able to accept ‘no’ or respect/understand common social boundaries.

There's a big difference between "do whatever the hell you want" and not expecting to get hit for doing unpleasant but fairly developmentally normal (if infrequent) 10 year old things.

So if you're a girl you can do whatever the hell you want. She was told to stop and then was being incredibly nasty to him with what she said. She should apologise for ruining his drawing and saying he was a baby etc.
No he shouldn't have hit her but if she hadn't been such a brat it wouldn't have happened. I do agree he probably does need therapy as he's been through a horrible time.
I wouldn't punish him by coming home. Your sister can go home and take her brat with her. If she wants to call the police let her, they won't do anything.

I’ve literally just said I’d feel the same if it was younger children, so believe what you want.

Sorry but I don’t believe that for a second and you keep saying you aren’t adultifying whilst carrying on to do so. But yes, we disagree; let’s leave it at that.

we’ll have to agree to disagree there.

lots of 15 year old boys (probably the majority, actually) vulnerable or not, neuro diverse or not, know not to physically harm girls (or anyone) 5 years their junior.

I’d feel the same way if it was a 12 year old and an 8 year old.

I’d feel the same if the sexes were reversed.

Exactly he’s 15. You should be able to take into account him being bigger than her AND that he himself is 15, and a vulnerable one at that, so won’t have mastered controlling how he reacts to being wound up at that age.

I haven’t adultified him.

He’s 15, he’s not an adult.

but he is an older, bigger, stronger child.

that’s enough of an issue for me.

So you are in line with most other posters with adultifying him. Why even pretend you were any different?

She was called more than a brat.

I don’t think OPs a reliable narrator.

it turned it to a hit/shove. It was just hit in the opening post

I disagree that 10 year old has been described more harshly than the 15 year old. Yes, she's been called a brat, but he's been equated to a wife beater.

I think it comes down to some posters viewing deliberate cruelty as nastier behaviour than lashing out due to frustration and other posters seeing the lashing out as worse. And obviously our opinions are all coloured by our personal backgrounds.

I do think it's important to remember that he pushed her shoulder, he didn't punch her. That does make a difference to me in how I view him. His instinct appears to be to get her out of his way, not to cause her actual physical harm.

I am not insane. I have been to school with people like her that once they've found out a person's weakness will then relentlessly go after them for pleasure. My blood ran cold reading about what she did.

He shouldn't have hit her but he's got the support of multiple adults who are aware of his problems and are trying to help him grow and learn. No one seems to be trying to help the 10 year old become a better person here.