To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

wow - you’ve been in his life a few years, claim him as your son and you are taking all the credit for his academic achievements despite being unable to use apostrophes
I’m surprised you lowered your standards to be with your DH with him being so stupid and such an incompetent parent - thank god for you - the walking red flag

You should be proud, but on the inside. A big part of the discussion around why white working-class boys are falling behind is what happens at home. It’s obviously not the only factor, but it is an important one that nobody wants to talk about that part. Love is not enough.

Of course you should be proud. You can't ever underestimate the impact of interested, engaged, supportive and loving parents.

you Should be proud indeed but on the inside if you say anything it might take away from his feelings of accomplishment a very stepmom behaviour if he was yours you would just feel proud no matter how big of a part you played in his success .

This.

He will know. There's no way he will not know. You can barely contain your self congratulations on here, there's no way in real life you can detach to the extent that he doesn't know.
But the important part of all your posts is how dismissive you are about your daughter and your attitude to her. I wonder why she has such a disconnection from your need to live vicariously through children's academic achievements. I would suggest she sussed you out years ago.

I hope this is not real. Narcissism right there. Most people do not pat themselves on the back for helping/cheering on. He did the exams. Nothing wrong with social care either.

You sound a lot like my mum OP. All my achievements were hers, or because of her, or down to her etc etc. Only they weren’t, they were mine.

Yes definitely make it about yourself.

He might not be thanking you when he has 60k debt and is struggling academically because your 'help' in your Msc subject and writting his personal statement masked his real abilities or motivation for what he wanted to do. If he really wanted to do something other that what he has now been 'supported' in doing, he will probablyend up doing it anyway.
You are way too invested in this as an achievement reflected on you.

My daughter is looking at getting a pmace at a Russell group uni. I've encouraged her all the way, and very proud of her. But its HER hard work thats got her there. Not mine.

But how is not doing well due to the child but doing well is due to you?

You might have inspired or motivated him but he put in the graft.

Celebrate your own success and dont take his

Whatever. Their mum is still their mum and I think it shows horribly narcissistic tendencies to try and use words to minimise her role.

I see *step" as a positive word not something that needs to be pretended away. Step relationships can bring all kinds of positives. Pretending they are something else is when it becomes harmful.

Well done OP. By coming into his life you’ve opened up what is possible and enabled him to aspire to achieve. You should be rightly proud. He, of course, has knuckled down and done the graft but it might not have been in his mindset if you’d not been there. Ignore the posters who are denigrating you 😞.
It’s why role models are so important in all sorts of walks of life to demonstrate that people ‘like you’ can do x,y or z.

Yep. Make it all about you OP.

But you done no more then help a child you have a realtionship with with things you are interested in. If you had a niece or nephew i would expect you would give advice on your field if they showed interest. Its what adults do to help people they care about. They dont take credit for it. You dont sound proud of your dd in the same way as she didnt follow your rules. DSS wanted to do well and did thats down to him even if he failed you should be proud if he tried.

I think this is the crux of the issue. You wouldn't generally see yourself in this role with his DC and given all you have done for him, ( which is of course great and very admirable), you now feel that you should be taking pride in helping with something that most bio mothers don't see as worthy of taking pride in.

He's not "technically" your step son. He is your step son
It's great what you did. But you are still.his stepmother and his mother is his mother.

We each bring different things to a child's life. And yes you can feel proud that you helped him when you didn't have to. But he couldn't have got there without working hard himself.

But don't try and minimise his mother's role in his life by implying that his "step" relationship to you is a mere technicality. I am a mother and a step mother and I find these linguistic attempts to minimise the mothers role really odd.

Good grief. What you're describing is called parenting. I help my kids with application forms, CVs, personal statements etc if they need it. It's pretty normal.

Do you seriously think you’re the first and only parent to have done this?!

🥇 here’s your medal

This is a weird take on your Dstepson doing well. It is normal to support, encourage and help our children or stepchildren in their life endeavours. He sat the exams though so honestly, all the glory is his.

Nobody has an obligation, it’s just being a decent person to take an interest and support children who live in the same household, surely? And you’ve done that, which is great, but you seem to think you’re quite special for not being an ignorant stepmother. It’s quite unusual.