To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

Then this should be enough for you. Please stop telling everyone. I get that you have a masters and he is the first one in his family to go to uni, but it's his achievement.

She didn't do the work so that's on her.
He did the work so that's on you?

What is wrong with social care?

Encouragement and knowing someone has faith in you can do along way…. But don’t take credit for someone else’s hard work.

Self pride & all that…..no recommendation.

I don’t think any biological parent would be praised for wanting to take credit for their child’s work.

It is beyond bizarre to feel “proud of yourself” for a child’s achievements.

It’s then even more bizarre to claim that your DD’s academic failures aren’t your fault.

You can’t be responsible for success but not culpable for failure 😂🤷‍♀️

I think it’s lovely when a step-parent gets involved in a positive way.

I just cannot comprehend seeing a teen succeeding in their exams/university goals and thinking “he’s only achieved that because of me”.

As the OP herself has admitted, you can’t support a child that doesn’t want to put the work in themselves. Her DSS is the one that’s done all the revision, attended college, completed the work, and sat the exams - but OP thinks she is responsible for his success? Christ.

If she’d come on here and explained her DSS’ success and trajectory, she’d have received lots of complimentary comments about how kind she was to be so supportive. But to want actual credit for being responsible?! Absolutely not.

Raised by a narcissistic mother myself, and I have to agree.

Taking the credit for your step sons achievements, and telling us your daughter could have done better.

It doesn't sound great.

I guess the real question is what do you expect from others? I think it’s perfectly fine for you to be quietly proud of yourself and pat yourself on the back for having made a difference for your son and helped him realize his potential. But I don’t think you should expect or want any public recognition of your contribution. You should remain in the shadows and let him enjoy the spotlight of achievement. So if you’re expecting somebody to come up to you, for example, and “say well done you!” then I think perhaps you’re expectations are unrealistic.

No sorry completely down to him. He could have decided to ignore anything you said...but he didn't l.

I think you should be proud of yourself! But please don't say it out loud to anyone but your besties! It's not a good look!

Yes of course you have made a massive difference in his life. It's a great gift you have given him. A leg up for sure. I think it's fine to acknowledge your achievement in his achievement. Just keep it to yourself in real life. Good job 👍

Congratulations to you both! I do think a positive influence makes a huge difference!

If you were his biological Mum you’d be being praised to the hilt. Stepparents are demonised on every MN thread. Well done for helping your stepson do so well and I hope he smashes life at uni.

Incredible! I am in awe! Hope that goes well 😍

And yet his “real” parents didn’t…

You may not believe in the term "step" in regards to family members, but the fact that you have mentioned a couple of times in previous posts that you have established boundaries in your household for the non-biological children shows that he is your step son. That's not to say you don't have a (possibly important) role in his life.

With regards to whose achievement his results are, they're his results and his achievement. You can think what you want. BUT this should be an inside thought. You've mentioned it to at least two people in your life and thousands of strangers on here. Next time you have a thought like this, keep it to yourself. Maybe get yourself a self-congratulatory cupcake and enjoy a private moment of self indulgence.

See everyone? SHE - the Stepmother- put the effort in, she believed in him and she modelled something more than his own blood family did.

sometimes people come into our lives and they help our kids see further.

my own DH has definitely inspired my DS to want more for himself, to work hard and attain his own self worth.

my PT has just told me what to do for the last couple of years, I’ve lifted all the weights, I’ve squatted all the squats. I am extremely fit, toned and strong. Is he proud? Pleased with what he’s coached me to achieve? Damned right! Has he done any of my exercises with me? No. Until this month where he’s also training in the class with us, and I definitely kept up with him and pushed him as he pushed me.

This lad’s lecturers at college will have put in effort and helped him dream bigger too.

but a step mother? Being a positive influence in a young lads life? That’s just too much for the frankly pathetic first wives club lot here.

well done @Stayinganontoday its great see when the effort you’ve made pays off for the one you’re trying to help. You’ve coached him to get there, you’ve been there and you’ve used your experience and education to help him want more from life.

so yeah love, be proud of him and pleased with yourself for being a part of his journey.

I think when your step son is older, he will look back and recognise the help you have given. Your relationship strengthened which is the biggest thing to celebrate. You should be proud of that and of course his achievements. Have you thought about more study? Maybe a PHD? Maybe this has sparked a desire in you to be celebrating further academic achievement?

Where’s his mum? Why isn’t she doing the grunt work?

You supported him during his revision and exams, you're allowed to be proud but it's making you sound a bit of a dick swanning about saying he's passed all thanks to you. Surely his dad supported him too. I have a son who's awaiting his GCSE results next week and I sure as hell won't go around telling everyone it's thanks to me if he passes because he's the one who slogged over those exams not me. Whilst I've always been his only present and supportive parent it's not down to me how well he does, he's done all the work himself. The way you've written this post reads like you want the family to all shower you with thanks for him doing well

I can’t believe that someone is SO vain they’d genuinely write this post 🤣

I’m cringing for you OP!

Big congratulations to your stepson for HIS achievement.

Good point CopperCC 👍

I mean you clearly helped but you didn’t do the work - he did!

Yes you can feel happy that he did so well and proud of your positive input but keep that feeling you contributed in your head.

We all feel proud when our children achieve well, and of course parental help and attitude makes a huge difference in any child’s life, but we should never steal their thunder