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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

367 replies

Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 12:21

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

OP posts:
CooperCopperCapper · 13/08/2026 12:48

Would you have blamed yourself if he’d flunked his exams OP?!

Whosthetabbynow · 13/08/2026 12:48

I couldn’t imagine being this vain let alone posting about it. No parent in the history of my family has ever bigged themself up and basked in the glory of the achievement of a child. We parent in the background.

Original poster
Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 12:48

Thundertoast · 13/08/2026 12:46

Same here, and my relative couches it as OP has with 'is a lot down to me' and it makes them look like an absolute dick.

Show quote history

Nobody knows how I feel apart from MN, his dad, and my mom. His dad (so my DH) is grateful for all the extra support.

OP posts:
Thundertoast · 13/08/2026 12:46

BumblebeesandPaperbags · 13/08/2026 12:43

You can feel a silent happy glow thst you have made a positive influence in his life but keep it silent.

I have a relative who always claimed her children’s successes as hers and their failures as entirely their own. It’s not a good look.

Same here, and my relative couches it as OP has with 'is a lot down to me' and it makes them look like an absolute dick.

SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut · 13/08/2026 12:45

It’s him. It’s his glory. He did the graft.

You might have presented the concept of striving for more but he had the self belief, the work ethic and the effort to get there.

If you try to grab some of it then that’s pitiful of you.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 13/08/2026 12:44

Probably not a good idea to talk about checking his coursework...

ExtraOnions · 13/08/2026 12:44

What’s wrong with going into Social Care? Plenty of “Russel Group University” alumni are working in crappy jobs, or no jobs at all.

Find something you love, and do that .. otherwise you are just another person with a shedload of debt

BumblebeesandPaperbags · 13/08/2026 12:43

You can feel a silent happy glow thst you have made a positive influence in his life but keep it silent.

I have a relative who always claimed her children’s successes as hers and their failures as entirely their own. It’s not a good look.

Original poster
Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 12:42

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 13/08/2026 12:39

Nothing wrong with feeling proud of yourself but I probably wouldn’t go around telling people incase it looks as though you’re trying to make his achievement about you. I do agree with you though that your support may have had a lot to do with it.

Yes, of course I won’t!

but I’m the one who sat with him to write and revise his personal statement.

I’m the one who sat with him doing mock interviews.

plus, I also sat with him checking a lot of his course work too. One of his A levels is on what I have my MSc in.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 13/08/2026 12:42

This is weird to me , my childs achievement is them not me or their father it is not about you its odd thinking

GaaNeen · 13/08/2026 12:41

Yes, you deserve to feel proud of your input and how it has helped -
But keep it all inside …
to voice this would be raining on his parade
and
appear sour -
don’t do it !

Thestealer · 13/08/2026 12:40

Really?

Get over yourself.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 13/08/2026 12:39

Nothing wrong with feeling proud of yourself but I probably wouldn’t go around telling people incase it looks as though you’re trying to make his achievement about you. I do agree with you though that your support may have had a lot to do with it.

SunshineSpice · 13/08/2026 12:39

Ick

rubyslippers · 13/08/2026 12:37

Unless you sat the exams and did the revision this is his achievement
let him enjoy HIS moment

you can feel proud

Minnie798 · 13/08/2026 12:36

Yanbu because of course 'parental' type input can hugely influence outcomes for teens. But keep it to yourself 🤣, it's his day.

toastofthetown · 13/08/2026 12:36

Why do you need to muscle and demand a share of your stepson’s achievement? Surely the reward for you is seeing him flourish.

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