To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

I’ve done everything I possibly can to help my son get into his chosen career. He did really, really badly in his mocks in June so can’t apply now. Possibly if he ups his game and gets better actual results he could apply with his actual grades in hand. If not he will have to think of something else.

So I think you can help them as much as you possibly can and it does make a difference but ultimately it’s down to them.

Nice dodging of the actual question there OP 🙄

He did the work.

My mum turned to me at my graduation and said ‘we did it’, in front of all my friends and their families who had been congratulating them. The comment felt so off to me and one of my friends said their parents had actually mentioned it to them later in the day. I’d lived away and worked to support myself so she hadn’t even financially supported me! Nearly 20 years on it still annoys me to think about it, although it is part of a general pattern of everything being about her.

Think you're getting a hard time here, OP. It's absolutely fine to feel proud of yourself for the support you gave him. Presumably you are posting on here precisely because you wouldn't dream of focusing on this IRL. Well done to him and to you.

Parenting can be hard and often thankless work. If we can't pat ourselves on the back occasionally, what is the world coming to?

No, his achievement is his. You just helped a bit. The same way that teachers and coaches and mentors help kids all the time and don't take sole credit. The kid can acknowledge their support of course, but for you to make it all about yourself is really gross.

Well yes, I'm sure you played a role and that's great. But there's no need to go on about it either. What is the "issue" here exactly? Are you feeling that you should be getting some acknowledgement from your family and friends that you are not getting? Have you claimed some credit and someone else contradicted you? Have you been told to be quiet in front of your DS?

You did what any parent would do. I did this for my son but wouldn't dream of taking credit for results. It's just part of what we do as mums.

Let HIM enjoy HIS success. He is going to need all the self confidence he can muster - not thinking YOU did it all for him.

Sit down, be humble.

I think you are absolutely right, OP. Research shows that every child needs a trusted, significant adult in their life who takes notice of them, listens to them and encourages them. That can be a teacher, a grandparent, parent or, indeed, a step parent. Unfortunately, many children do not have this and they do not therefore achieve the potential that they could otherwise have achieved. It’s so important for child development.

So yes, a lot of this is down to you and your DSS is very lucky. It’s definitely something to be very proud about. But I would keep a bit quiet about it because, for the moment, it’s his day and his achievement.

Well done you (I mean that). Some kids do need encouraging to see what their true potentially can be and you provided that.

Seen worse. What about the mums who post on their child's birthday about how giving birth was their achievement (Big Bang's Leonard having to give his mum a present on his birthday isn't only a bad sitcom joke), and how it was the worst day of their life yet they're expected to celebrate.

OP, yes, parent/step-parent etc involvement can make a big difference, but I'd be careful about sharing this post with anyone in real life.

I think it’s the way it’s worded.

I think it’s great that parents are supportive and help their kids. But the OPs OP feels a bit off somehow.

OP I think you should be proud of him and it’s good to reflect that your support was effective. It sounds like maybe he didn’t have the support before? But it was him who actually did the work and say the exams.

But I think that’s where it should end. When my kids do well I don’t take the glory and pay myself on the back - I congratulate them. Good parenting includes being supportive during education and times of study.

was he grateful when you helped or do you think he though you were pushy? There’s a balance between supportive and overbearing.

based on the tone of the post I would also worry about your reactions to him had he failed or not done as well. Would you have been as supportive and accepted your part?

It's a bit narcissistic to try and take credit for someone else's achievements.

You sound obnoxious. Perfectly possible to be proud of him without thinking it’s ’down to you’. You’ve known him for, what, 20% of his life? So 80% of the parenting was done by others, and all of his genes come from elsewhere.

Well done for not being a shitty step mum, don’t turn into one now.

As long as you keep that to yourself you can think/feel whatever you want. Just don’t voice it or people will think you have main character or narc tendencies and want to make his achievements about you. No doubt you did positively encourage him but that’s not for you to broadcast. Don’t rain on his parade.

😂😂😂

This is parenting though - my especially older two have need huge amount of support - later turned out I was right they had ND/SEN.

At time there was lots of cristism for doing it then later everyone forgets it or dimissed it or it's viewed negatively. Took huge amount of effort research and finding money for and frankly stopped me getting back to work as early as I wanted.

That what you do - I suppose it's less expected of a step parent standing up and putting that level of effort in - so perhaps it feels more foreign but ultimatley it is their acheivements and you have to be proud of that.

I'm with you OP - I think you should be proud!

There are enough posters on MN who clearly regard their step-children as no more than a nuisance - anyone who has succeeded in building a positive relationship should be congratulated.

What do you think would happen if the horses were to be let loose to run around a course without jockeys?

That's the fate of hundreds of thousands of teenagers every year. Lacking parents who have an interest or the ability to support them, and lacking schools with the ability or interest in spotting potential and encouraging it, the result is kids leaving for dead end jobs after GCSEs.

Schools need to step up.

I’m sure several of the adults in his life supported him to reach this point in his development. Much of which would have been before you “bonded” with him.

Why do you feel the need for your part in his life to be validated as the key driver above all others? Just be proud of the lad for his achievement.

What silliness.

I think it's normal to feel proud and feel you helped in some way.

When my eldest got straight As mil said he got his brains from my bil ( her favourite son) the fact I have a degree was glossed over.

Now bil kid has not done so great I can joke she get her brains from dh.

My eldest would have done well even if I shit and disinterested parent. My 18 year old I did play a massive part in getting him into right SEN school to get a A and B at A level but the hard work was 100% on him. I just kept him alive.

If it's good his her stepson if it's bad his not anymore 😂