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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

367 replies

Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 12:21

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

OP posts:
Fansonmaximum · 13/08/2026 16:23

Oh my!

talk about taking the shine off the lads achievements.

parents job is to support snd encourage and help them reach their goals. We all do it - it’s called parenting.

when my toddler got rid of his nappies and started wearing’ big boy pants’ all the family encouraged and applauded him for being out of nappies and for being a big boy - no one clapped me for dealing with all the accidents and reminders for going on the potty or wiping up the accidents or doing all the soggy washing - as it was HIS MILESTONE not mine! My role was to support him but the praise was all his !

this is HIS MOMENT - not yours. Stop puffing yourself up and start congratulating and celebrating HIM not yourself!

tripleginandtonic · 13/08/2026 16:16

Whosthetabbynow · 13/08/2026 12:48

I couldn’t imagine being this vain let alone posting about it. No parent in the history of my family has ever bigged themself up and basked in the glory of the achievement of a child. We parent in the background.

This.

DorsetMermaid · 13/08/2026 16:02

"Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care."

Russell Group universities offer social care degrees so if OP's DS wants to follow his heart (rather than the OP's plans for him) he could still do so.

Original poster
Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 16:01

ScaramoucheCanYouDoTheFandango · 13/08/2026 15:58

🤣 So no admission she didn't do as well as she could because YOUR parenting to instill a better work ethic earlier in her life, and mentoring to get her to apply herself, wasn't good enough? Its ALL on her alone........

Can't you see that is hypocritical.

Show quote history

She was just fed up of it!

We followed the one parent / one language for years and by that point she had had enough.

OP posts:
ScaramoucheCanYouDoTheFandango · 13/08/2026 15:58

Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 15:28

I just simply had every confidence he would!

my daughter on the other hand yes got a 7 in French but theoretically she’s bilingual and refused to be helped by me or her my mother.

she could have got a 9 if she wanted to, but she refused to do any work, so that’s on her.

Show quote history

🤣 So no admission she didn't do as well as she could because YOUR parenting to instill a better work ethic earlier in her life, and mentoring to get her to apply herself, wasn't good enough? Its ALL on her alone........

Can't you see that is hypocritical.

Poppinpoppinpopcorn · 13/08/2026 15:55

Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 12:42

Yes, of course I won’t!

but I’m the one who sat with him to write and revise his personal statement.

I’m the one who sat with him doing mock interviews.

plus, I also sat with him checking a lot of his course work too. One of his A levels is on what I have my MSc in.

Show quote history

I did all these and more for my son. He also got into a Russel group uni today and got 3A*. However it's all him, it was all his effort. You where just being a parent, the job you signed up for

Desperatelyseekinglazysusan · 13/08/2026 15:51

seawitchandgarden2 · 13/08/2026 15:36

Surely that is just a normal part of good parenting?

His success is his own and you have provided the required support as a parent.

But she isn't his parent. She is his step parent, and has been a good role model, aspirational, helpful etc. His actual parents could have helped him with his personal statement, helped him with his coursework etc but they either didn't or couldn't. There is a reason why kids who live in deprived postcodes or who have issues at home or are the first in their family to go to University get contextual offers. It's because they don't get that help at home often so have more hoops to jump through than kids who's parents have high expectations and aspirations for them. My husband had a breakdown a couple of years ago and has been fuck all help with the kids for the past 2 years. I did all the uni visits, the revision timetables, the parents evenings, the reading through essays, the sending of news articles, the taking to museums etc etc. My DS worked bloody hard but so did I frankly.

Millytante · 13/08/2026 15:51

A very unbecoming attitude on your part.
Be glad that the kid has blossomed of course, but for the love of Mike keep it to yourself if all this crowing is the way you frame his achievements.

InterestedDad37 · 13/08/2026 15:47

Well done OP. I feel similar about certain people/things. But the "silent happy glow" mentioned by @BumblebeesandPaperbags needs to be enough. Somewhere along the line, your input will be recognised and appreciated, and keeping quiet about it reflects better on you, and is ultimately more satisfying 😊

mbosnz · 13/08/2026 15:47

With my girls, regardless of our support, their achievements are, as I see them, very much their own. Yes, our support made it a lot easier for them to get where they want to be, but they were still the ones in the hot seat. We weren't the ones doing the studying, the exams, persevering when all they wanted to do was give up. I'm incredibly proud of THEM, and THEIR achievements.

WildGarlicSoup · 13/08/2026 15:46

'but I’m the one who sat with him to write and revise his personal statement.'

'Im extremely proud of him.'

You must also congratulate the person who taught him how to use capital letters and apostrophes.

DorsetMermaid · 13/08/2026 15:43

Why is it so important to you to think your DSs achievement is a lot down to you?

patooties · 13/08/2026 15:41

You should defo make this more about you.

Original poster
Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 15:39

CooperCopperCapper · 13/08/2026 15:37

That’s irrelevant, would you have blamed the quality of your support if he hadn’t achieved good results? Or are you only responsible when things go well? It’s not a difficult question to answer 😂

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Not really! I mean he’s already done better than his parents, so still a success in my book

OP posts:
CooperCopperCapper · 13/08/2026 15:37

Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 15:28

I just simply had every confidence he would!

my daughter on the other hand yes got a 7 in French but theoretically she’s bilingual and refused to be helped by me or her my mother.

she could have got a 9 if she wanted to, but she refused to do any work, so that’s on her.

Show quote history

That’s irrelevant, would you have blamed the quality of your support if he hadn’t achieved good results? Or are you only responsible when things go well? It’s not a difficult question to answer 😂

hotmumshit · 13/08/2026 15:37

Yabu 😩😩😩

seawitchandgarden2 · 13/08/2026 15:36

Surely that is just a normal part of good parenting?

His success is his own and you have provided the required support as a parent.

DraigCymraeg · 13/08/2026 15:34

Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 12:42

Yes, of course I won’t!

but I’m the one who sat with him to write and revise his personal statement.

I’m the one who sat with him doing mock interviews.

plus, I also sat with him checking a lot of his course work too. One of his A levels is on what I have my MSc in.

Show quote history

I think you should stop right there.
You are starting to sound like a right ***
It is his achievement.

daisyydaisyy · 13/08/2026 15:30

How big is your head

Original poster
Stayinganontoday · 13/08/2026 15:28

CooperCopperCapper · 13/08/2026 15:11

Nice dodging of the actual question there OP 🙄

Show quote history

I just simply had every confidence he would!

my daughter on the other hand yes got a 7 in French but theoretically she’s bilingual and refused to be helped by me or her my mother.

she could have got a 9 if she wanted to, but she refused to do any work, so that’s on her.

OP posts:
SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut · 13/08/2026 15:21

What if he’d done badly? Would you feel responsible for that too?

ThatWasAFunDay · 13/08/2026 15:20

I think you should feel pleased with yourself too. I would if I were you. It’s great when you think you have helped someone reach their potential and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging it. You must be really proud of him too.
Im not sure why you are getting quite so many spiteful and snide comments.

Lemuelschild · 13/08/2026 15:18

OP, you should feel proud of yourself!
It is quite something to have been instrumental in directing the course of someone's life along a good path. We don't have enough people doing this..

chocolatemademefat · 13/08/2026 15:15

Have you always had Main Character syndrome?

heartsinvisiblefury · 13/08/2026 15:15

Get over yourself OP. You sound insufferable.

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