To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

Yes but are they wanting to shout “it’s because of meeee”! to anyone who will listen.

Of course YANBU, but keep it to yourself 😊

Then he’s your stepson, no technically about it. He literally has a mother, and you’re his stepmother.

Can you explain how he's only technically your stepson if you're married to his dad?

Good for you, and good for him. I appreciate you feeling this way, but I think you’ll need to be very careful who you voice it to irl. Definitely not to him, he deserves to take full credit for his hard work!

No because it 100% comes down to the young person. If they don’t want it or they can’t it doesn’t happen. If they do and they can it does.

Flash cards and snacks wouldn't even register to me.

With DS it was body doubling and organising revison and course material - notes were really not there or lost by school and there were gaps in some subject to to endless supply -and teaching him how to do all that so next lot of exams he'd need less support. Honestly it would have been less demanding to sit the exams myself.

I've no idea if it was ocassional snacks and flash cards - or the level my ND teen needed but it all gets put under the same parental support label and never mentioned.

We could all say this, I could take the credit for my sons success by all the times I took him snacks when he was revising or tested him with flash cards, it’s called being a parent and we all want our children to do better/go further than us, it wouldn’t enter my head that I should get credit.

Still not answering the question OP, you are a funny one 😂 But don’t worry, I’ve got the measure of you from your responses on this thread - you only want to claim the credit when the kids do as well or better than expected, it’s none of your fault when this doesn’t happen.

Crack on with congratulating yourself on what a superior step-parent you are!

This is clearly clickbait.

So you never adjusted from your approach to suit your dd, even when she was struggling with it, to the point that she became fed up, disengaged, and ultimately didn’t reach her full potential.

You don't seem to be able to acknowledge and own your failure in that?

It’s sad that that is how you see it. My husband is stepparent to my 2 older children. He takes a proper interest in them and supports and loves them. He’s a brilliant dad- in everything except biology.

If you didn’t want to support your stepchild in any of this then no, you weren’t obligated to. If I was your stepson and found out you apparently only wanted to help me so you could crow (out loud or inwardly) about how great you are, then I might wish you hadn’t bothered at all.

shall we make you a certificate ?

or do you need a medal ?

or a collective hand clap on our doorstep like we did in Covid for the nhs - but this one just for you as you are the ONLY parent or step parent or foster parent or family member EVER to have helped their kid ?

Some people are so very harsh, especially on MumsNet!

you’ve clearly been a very positive influence and probably changed the trajectory of how life for the better. You can absolutely feel chuffed to bits that you’ve had this impact.

I don’t see anywhere in your post that you’re looking for any kind of thanks or recognition from him or anyone else. Well done 👍🏻

Oh dear

Yes. Be proud of yourself, OP. Parenting is hard. Getting kids through School with no major mishaps and on a path they are successful at is giving them a great start in life and that's something to be proud of. Especially if that's included encouraging them to see possibilities that are outside their family experience.

Yes you are right, and NOT being unreasonable. I believe family support and encouragement is the biggest contributor to a child’s success, after all why do ethnic minority children from working class backgrounds perform better than their white peers?

You should be proud of yourself as well.

www.suttontrust.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Class-differences-report_References-available-online.pdf

That’s great you’re appreciated for the help you gave your stepchild to realise their ambition. That should be enough for you. The fact you’ve started a thread makes me think this isn’t enough for you and you
now want praise heaped on you from strangers on line. That’s a shame as it isn’t your day.

, my parents were like this, everything i have achieved is down to them, they are still claiming it now

The DGP have cliamed that - while dismissing DH and our contributions - that was odd but laughed off by everyone.

I had a housemate during master who got GCSE went into work - then couple years laster did A-level at night school when you used to be able to do that.

She was starting her social work degree - few years older than many undergraduates though not so much for her course.

So yes with less support and longer path many people still get places they want to go - but OP probably helped with ambition and cutting some years off path - maybe steering him in a better direction. Often felt like DC secondary - that went down hill -was dulling the kids ambitions not supporting or encouraging them.

I think most teens do better with support and some belief and push - from home or school - think it's one of those social economic advanatges that many assume just happens or is the norm and for most of MN it is and is part of parenting but for some it's not and here it's come from step parent who could have ignored the need entirely.

But yes it's not the done thing to mention it OP even if it real burden on you.

Ugh, my parents were like this, everything i have achieved is down to them, they are still claiming it now. As a parent or step parent its our job to support them, its still on them to make the best of that support and then for us to step back and let them have the moments. Celebrate your own achievements, you sound needy for praise. Yabu

That's a failure you need to own then OP.