Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

409 replies

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 12/08/2026 15:52

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

OP posts:
MargoLeadbetterisQueen · Today 08:12

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:24

I’m definitely not your usual farmers wife but it works for us! Thank you for your nice post, even though you may think I’m unreasonable. Life is for the living! I’m currently enjoying a lovely weekend away at the F1 in Azerbaijan and to the horror of many, no, my husband is not with me. I’m enjoying my own company!

What do you mean "usual farmer's wife"? In my experience, women who farm are hard working, adaptable and resilient.
If you've decided it's not really for you, talk to your DH about it. You may not get an Australian visa anyway, so plan for holidays.
Either way, things may have to change.

MargoLeadbetterisQueen · Today 08:14

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 05:20

Exactly. It’s about time he retired and lived a bit. There’s got to be more to life than farming. Even if we can’t go I would like him to slow down and enjoy what we have left. Who doesn’t want an adventure!

Maybe he doesn't think there's more to life? Do you think he's not content?

GoldenNuggets08 · Today 08:39

I read all your posts OP sp forgive me if I have missed an answer to this but what happens if your youngest daughter gets there, doesn't like it and wants to move home?

I dont think YABU to consider moving if your 2 daughters and grandchildren are out there. But your DH is also NBU to not want to move. It sounds like this is quite a few years away and by the time it comes around there is a chance your DH will be less mobile and even less interested in moving.

I guess all ye can do is keep the conversation open until you actually have to decide. Best of Luck!

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 08:50

Youneedas · Today 07:35

Op you can present a very logical case as to why he should do this and all the benefits but the fact remains - he doesn’t WANT to!

and those of us that know born and bred farmers, let alone 75 year old farmers who are still toiling the land that they were born in to - know that you are on a hiding to nothing so just leave the poor chap alone. The man has never even wanted to go to Australia for a holiday!

He is 75 now, say he suddenly undergoes a lobotomy and wants to go - he realistically wouldn’t be landing in Australia until he was… 78 at the earliest.

If this was anyone other than a born and bred farmer - he might be persuaded. He won’t.

This is becoming boring now. It’s amazing the number of posters who know how every farmers mind works. Not everyone is the same you know, that would be a boring old world. If we ever get the chance to go we will discuss the pluses and minuses, that’s what a marriage is for, give and take. I’ve spent 30 odd years in a cold farmhouse, I think it’s time to look again. Even if we don’t go we will be leaving this farm for pastures new. I know plenty who have moved on and survived to tell the tale! Shock horror! I can see the posts, poor chap! I never refer to men as chaps. It makes them sound ancient

OP posts:
MargoLeadbetterisQueen · Today 08:51

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 08:50

This is becoming boring now. It’s amazing the number of posters who know how every farmers mind works. Not everyone is the same you know, that would be a boring old world. If we ever get the chance to go we will discuss the pluses and minuses, that’s what a marriage is for, give and take. I’ve spent 30 odd years in a cold farmhouse, I think it’s time to look again. Even if we don’t go we will be leaving this farm for pastures new. I know plenty who have moved on and survived to tell the tale! Shock horror! I can see the posts, poor chap! I never refer to men as chaps. It makes them sound ancient

Why did you stay in a "cold farmhouse" for 30 years?.

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 08:55

GoldenNuggets08 · Today 08:39

I read all your posts OP sp forgive me if I have missed an answer to this but what happens if your youngest daughter gets there, doesn't like it and wants to move home?

I dont think YABU to consider moving if your 2 daughters and grandchildren are out there. But your DH is also NBU to not want to move. It sounds like this is quite a few years away and by the time it comes around there is a chance your DH will be less mobile and even less interested in moving.

I guess all ye can do is keep the conversation open until you actually have to decide. Best of Luck!

Thank you. It is a big decision for my youngest DD and her and her DH are very very kean. We have spent a few holidays there. I know it’s not the same as living there , I have moved about quite a bit and she knows from my stories that she has to give it 2 years at least. I’m sure they will love it once they get settled. It’s such a great lifestyle.

OP posts:
Imdunfer · Today 08:57

Todayismyfavouriteday · Today 00:13

Don't listen to all the bitter people here who prefer to stick to their 'better safe than sorry' lifestyle and lack the courage to try something different. It's never too late for a change of life. Your husband might discover a whole new world out there, and love it or hate it. You won't know until you try!

I think hardly anyone on the thread has suggested that the OP shouldn't go. She just needs to go without her husband.

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 08:59

MargoLeadbetterisQueen · Today 08:51

Why did you stay in a "cold farmhouse" for 30 years?.

Cause it’s freezing! It was built in about 1539 or something. No double glazing or central heating gets rid of those drafts coming from the barn attached. How I’d love a new kitchen and warmth at the touch of a button. We have a cold fired Rayburn and a wood burner

OP posts:
MargoLeadbetterisQueen · Today 09:00

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 08:59

Cause it’s freezing! It was built in about 1539 or something. No double glazing or central heating gets rid of those drafts coming from the barn attached. How I’d love a new kitchen and warmth at the touch of a button. We have a cold fired Rayburn and a wood burner

So, there was nothing you could do in 30 years to improve that?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread