Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

410 replies

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 12/08/2026 15:52

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

OP posts:
Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

zurigo · 13/08/2026 16:59

Surely no one is going to agree to move to a country they've never even visited OP? And then there's the fact that your DH doesn't like flying, which is a fairly big hurdle to moving to Australia unless he is prepared to travel by ship instead. You sound mindlessly optimistic, but reading this thread I have no hope that you'll get him to move to the far side of the world. I reckon the best you can hope for is for you to visit annually for as long as you can as a visitor and remain resident in the UK. Presumably your DDs will visit the UK sometimes too?

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 13/08/2026 16:56

Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 14:29

And if he insists that in his mid 70s he’d like to stay in the home he’s lived in since birth… which way will you go?

I don’t know TBH.

OP posts:
OneFedUpFarmersWife · 13/08/2026 16:50

Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 14:28

How many times has he even been abroad? I’m surprised that you’re surprised he’s not enthusiastic given he’s never, not once, accompanied you on any trip to Australia.

He’s been to Cyprus. twice, Canada, The Maldives, Germany/Austria many times and 3 Greek Islands. But never Australia.

OP posts:
OneFedUpFarmersWife · 13/08/2026 16:46

Swiftie1878 · 13/08/2026 14:12

You sound chronically mismatched!

We are and that’s what attracted me to him

OP posts:
GeorgeMichaelsCat · 13/08/2026 16:25

So you want a man who has never been tro Australia, to sell his farm, move half way around the world just because it is what you want?

Arran2024 · 13/08/2026 16:10

I'm from Scotland but live in London with my London-born husband. Much as it pains me, I believe it would be unreasonable for me to suddenly decide I want to go back to Scotland and expect him to comply. This was never the deal.

I can see why you want to go but it's not on his radar at all by the sounds of it so I do think it's unreasonable to expect him to agree to such a move.

Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 15:24

dottydaily · 13/08/2026 15:23

i really feel for you, it must be difficult with all children abroad. i also appreciate when DH is coming from, most land lovers feel this responsibility to there land and would never ever even consider leaving it, Would you consider extended hoildays in Austrailia and come and go.

As it stands, his daughter is not abroad but considering applying for a visa to Australia

Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 15:24

Abricot1983 · 13/08/2026 15:08

Have a look at Kaleb on Clarkeson‘s Farm. He went off to Australia for the experience. Maybe the connection of farming would help increase his interest

Kaleb is… 28

dottydaily · 13/08/2026 15:23

i really feel for you, it must be difficult with all children abroad. i also appreciate when DH is coming from, most land lovers feel this responsibility to there land and would never ever even consider leaving it, Would you consider extended hoildays in Austrailia and come and go.

Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 15:21

Abricot1983 · 13/08/2026 15:08

Have a look at Kaleb on Clarkeson‘s Farm. He went off to Australia for the experience. Maybe the connection of farming would help increase his interest

How old is this Kaleb?

Abricot1983 · 13/08/2026 15:08

Have a look at Kaleb on Clarkeson‘s Farm. He went off to Australia for the experience. Maybe the connection of farming would help increase his interest

Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 15:05

mulberrymilk · 13/08/2026 15:03

Her question was actually "AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

Her husband doesn't want to go to even visit the country. So, she is unreasonable to expect him to want to move there. Even if "life is short".

Edited

Exactly

the Op should have put that in the Op. he has never, not once, accompanied her on any visit to Australia

I wonder how often the man has even been abroad. He sounds like a home body. And nothing wrong with that. Especially in his mid 70s

mulberrymilk · 13/08/2026 15:03

Strokethefurrywall · 13/08/2026 14:58

No shit…my answer was to OPs question of whether she was unreasonable to want to go.

She’s not unreasonable to want to go at all, and if she has the means and the country allows her to enter and stay under sponsorship of her daughters then all power to her.

If Australia says it doesn’t want her then no harm no foul, she can visit 3, 6 or 12 months depending on type of visa she applies for. Assuming housing isn’t an issue if she’s staying/living with her daughter(s).

Her question was actually "AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

Her husband doesn't want to go to even visit the country. So, she is unreasonable to expect him to want to move there. Even if "life is short".

Strokethefurrywall · 13/08/2026 14:58

mulberrymilk · 13/08/2026 14:14

It's not Butlins. People just can't go and stay there. There is a massive housing crisis currently, unlikely to get better any time soon, and there is a huge push from major political parties etc to reduce migrant numbers - and hardly a desire for extra elderly people with an ageing population struggling to find places in age care or home help as they age in place.

No shit…my answer was to OPs question of whether she was unreasonable to want to go.

She’s not unreasonable to want to go at all, and if she has the means and the country allows her to enter and stay under sponsorship of her daughters then all power to her.

If Australia says it doesn’t want her then no harm no foul, she can visit 3, 6 or 12 months depending on type of visa she applies for. Assuming housing isn’t an issue if she’s staying/living with her daughter(s).

Allseeingallknowing · 13/08/2026 14:33

Don’t know if already mentioned, but state pensions will remain at the rate when leaving the U.K., no yearly Increases paid

Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 14:29

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 13/08/2026 14:23

I think you’re right but I shall give it my best shot at both of us going. It’s not over till the fat lady sings, as they say. My cup is always half full.

And if he insists that in his mid 70s he’d like to stay in the home he’s lived in since birth… which way will you go?

Adossieronme · 13/08/2026 14:28

How many times has he even been abroad? I’m surprised that you’re surprised he’s not enthusiastic given he’s never, not once, accompanied you on any trip to Australia.

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 13/08/2026 14:23

Ayarreet · 13/08/2026 14:16

None of this bodes well.

I think you’re right but I shall give it my best shot at both of us going. It’s not over till the fat lady sings, as they say. My cup is always half full.

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 13/08/2026 14:21

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 13/08/2026 14:12

I’m going to try to persuade him As I was told by my mother often, if at first you do t succeed, try try try again !

Good on you. I’d move in your position! Go be with your kids. He can’t work on a farm forever!

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 13/08/2026 14:21

OneMoreBanana · 13/08/2026 11:10

So just to be clear: You have one DD with your current husband, and two DD from a previous marriage. The one that has moved to Australia (you called DD1) is the one with your current husband, and then one that is intending to (you call DD3) is the younger one from your previous marriage?

No DD1 is 49 and been there 9 years. DD 3 is 30 and just got married. Sorry if I’ve confused you!

OP posts:
Ayarreet · 13/08/2026 14:16

None of this bodes well.

mulberrymilk · 13/08/2026 14:14

Strokethefurrywall · 13/08/2026 13:28

I would absolutely go OP, you like Australia and your family is there.
You’re not unreasonable in the slightest, if you can make it work you should. You’ve got means to live on and your daughters are on board so why not? Life is too short!

It's not Butlins. People just can't go and stay there. There is a massive housing crisis currently, unlikely to get better any time soon, and there is a huge push from major political parties etc to reduce migrant numbers - and hardly a desire for extra elderly people with an ageing population struggling to find places in age care or home help as they age in place.

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 13/08/2026 14:14

TFImBackIn · 13/08/2026 09:36

What about your daughter in Moldova? When would you get to see her?

Unfortunately we are estranged. But that’s a whole different thread.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread