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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

400 replies

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 12/08/2026 15:52

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

OP posts:
Youneedas · Yesterday 15:15

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:10

I mentioned her because I was asked about my middle daughter. I could have lied and said she was in Australia too, but I don’t tell lies. It’s complicated and I’d rather not discuss her for fear of offending people. To clarify, she married a foreign man with totally different values to us. Dies that satisfy you?

If you mention that you are completely estranged from one of your three daughter, naturally you will get responses suggesting you focus your efforts on rebuilding that relationship rather than trying (in vain I have to say) to get your aged farmer husband to move to the other side of the world.

Start a thread… expect answers that you may not be happy about

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:10

Youneedas · Yesterday 06:50

You mentioned her.

I mentioned her because I was asked about my middle daughter. I could have lied and said she was in Australia too, but I don’t tell lies. It’s complicated and I’d rather not discuss her for fear of offending people. To clarify, she married a foreign man with totally different values to us. Dies that satisfy you?

OP posts:
AmIReallyTheGrownup · Yesterday 12:29

Arran2024 · Yesterday 08:28

My incredibly fit husband had a stroke in the week out of nowhere - he is 10 years younger than your husband. He's going to be ok, but anyway, I'm glad we haven't moved to the other side of the world. I do think you have to be realistic about health as you age.

Same experience with my Dad just after he retired. He’s no longer allowed to fly despite otherwise recovering well.

I personally think it’s complete and utter madness to take your chances on a healthcare and social welfare system that you’re minimally entitled to in your mid 70s. Visits are fine, you can insure yourself to be brought home. Relocation brings with it a whole new level of complication.

Arran2024 · Yesterday 08:28

My incredibly fit husband had a stroke in the week out of nowhere - he is 10 years younger than your husband. He's going to be ok, but anyway, I'm glad we haven't moved to the other side of the world. I do think you have to be realistic about health as you age.

HeyThereDelila · Yesterday 08:25

Assuming you could get a visa, if your DH won’t go you need to decide what to do about your DD who remains in the UK; would she feel dropped in favour of her sisters? Then decide do you divorce DH or just live apart?

You’re not unreasonable to want to go, but your DH isn’t unreasonable to want to stay. The farm is his home, and you're both late in life to start again in a foreign country. Don’t make him go, but equally don’t stay if you’ll be miserable.

Youneedas · Yesterday 06:51

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 05:19

i wouldn’t give yourself that much credit. It’s plain to see that it’s the intention of a lot of people here though.

All we are saying is that a 75 year old farmer who has lived on this farm his entire life and has never even fancied a holiday to Australia before is not going to up sticks and move there in his late 70s / 80.

Youneedas · Yesterday 06:50

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 05:15

This thread was asking if I was being unreasonable in wanting to move to Australia. My estranged daughter has nothing to do with the thread.

You mentioned her.

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 05:19

Imdunfer · 25/09/2026 19:26

I think we hit a nerve! Not even "under review", deleted.

i wouldn’t give yourself that much credit. It’s plain to see that it’s the intention of a lot of people here though.

OP posts:
OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 05:15

Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:37

If he is anything like the farmers I know having grown up in this community - you have more chance of successfully swimming to Australia than getting this chap, who has farming running through his blood, to up sticks and move to a country that he has never even fancied visiting. I would give up in your shoes @OneFedUpFarmersWife and instead focus on my estranged daughter in Moldova

This thread was asking if I was being unreasonable in wanting to move to Australia. My estranged daughter has nothing to do with the thread.

OP posts:
Youneedas · 25/09/2026 20:37

If he is anything like the farmers I know having grown up in this community - you have more chance of successfully swimming to Australia than getting this chap, who has farming running through his blood, to up sticks and move to a country that he has never even fancied visiting. I would give up in your shoes @OneFedUpFarmersWife and instead focus on my estranged daughter in Moldova

Imdunfer · 25/09/2026 19:26

I think we hit a nerve! Not even "under review", deleted.

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 25/09/2026 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bellesbest · 25/09/2026 08:27

When I read that he was a born and bred farmer in his seventies I thought “no chance!!”

Imdunfer · 25/09/2026 08:24

Bellesbest · 25/09/2026 08:06

As determined as @OneFedUpFarmersWife , nothing absolutely nothing will make a 75 year old born and bred farmer move to Australia as he approaches 80. The man hasn’t even wanted to visit for a fortnight’s holiday!

I don’t think we have anything to be concerned about this man being some kind of vulnerable old diddy who’s going to be roped in to doing anything he doesn’t want to. He won’t go. And that will dawn on @OneFedUpFarmersWife soon enough.

You're right of course, I know a few, also still in or very close to the house they were born in. He's stopped saying no to stop the nagging. He isn't going to go.

Bellesbest · 25/09/2026 08:06

Imdunfer · 24/09/2026 15:47

Or lived anywhere since birth but the house he is living in now. But "not saying no" is enough for the OP to forge ahead with her determination to make him go with her.

She's one determined woman, I'll say that for her.

As determined as @OneFedUpFarmersWife , nothing absolutely nothing will make a 75 year old born and bred farmer move to Australia as he approaches 80. The man hasn’t even wanted to visit for a fortnight’s holiday!

I don’t think we have anything to be concerned about this man being some kind of vulnerable old diddy who’s going to be roped in to doing anything he doesn’t want to. He won’t go. And that will dawn on @OneFedUpFarmersWife soon enough.

HonestLilacLemur · 24/09/2026 21:46

Would be worth paying attention to the visa changes that have been made here recently. With the prospect of moving to a right wing party - Immigration is a hot topic.

Best of luck to your family going through the visa process. We have been Australian Citizens this year, so I have my fingers crossed for them and yourselves!

Lilypad34 · 24/09/2026 19:46

I know lots of posters think you’re a bit mad but life is short and if you never go for anything it’s a boring life. I hope whatever happens you remain optimistic and happy. Enjoy your degree I’m just about to do the same one!

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 15:55

Imdunfer · 24/09/2026 15:47

Or lived anywhere since birth but the house he is living in now. But "not saying no" is enough for the OP to forge ahead with her determination to make him go with her.

She's one determined woman, I'll say that for her.

He’s a 75 year old farmer… he will be even more determined!

Imdunfer · 24/09/2026 15:47

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 15:14

and happy doing that.

so he’s 75 and your daughter is no where near close to emigrating. So realistically- your husband will be approaching 80 by the time this is a possibility for you two? And he’s never even been to Australia?

Or lived anywhere since birth but the house he is living in now. But "not saying no" is enough for the OP to forge ahead with her determination to make him go with her.

She's one determined woman, I'll say that for her.

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 15:14

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 24/09/2026 13:51

Coming up 74 and as fit as a fiddle He’s still farming beef cattle.

and happy doing that.

so he’s 75 and your daughter is no where near close to emigrating. So realistically- your husband will be approaching 80 by the time this is a possibility for you two? And he’s never even been to Australia?

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 24/09/2026 14:00

I meant 75! Time flies 😂

OP posts:
OneFedUpFarmersWife · 24/09/2026 13:51

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 12:38

How is he spending his days atm?

He is in his mid 70s?

Edited

Coming up 74 and as fit as a fiddle He’s still farming beef cattle.

OP posts:
Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 12:38

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 24/09/2026 10:16

Well my DD and husband are a long way off the possibility of getting a visa, he has his English test on October 1st which shouldn’t be a problem then it’s a waiting game Australia has been making changes to their visas but I haven’t seen any changes to elderly parents visas. I will be watching out! DH isn’t saying no at the moment. If their visa is granted we will be doing some serious talking as I want to go. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile I’m retiring next month and have applied to do a degree in Criminology and Law. That should keep me busy 😂 Thanks for asking!!

How is he spending his days atm?

He is in his mid 70s?

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 24/09/2026 10:16

Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 07:30

How’s thing going @OneFedUpFarmersWife ? Any developments?

Well my DD and husband are a long way off the possibility of getting a visa, he has his English test on October 1st which shouldn’t be a problem then it’s a waiting game Australia has been making changes to their visas but I haven’t seen any changes to elderly parents visas. I will be watching out! DH isn’t saying no at the moment. If their visa is granted we will be doing some serious talking as I want to go. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile I’m retiring next month and have applied to do a degree in Criminology and Law. That should keep me busy 😂 Thanks for asking!!

OP posts:
Rumbleafteryog · 24/09/2026 07:30

How’s thing going @OneFedUpFarmersWife ? Any developments?