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AIBU?

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AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

402 replies

OneFedUpFarmersWife · 12/08/2026 15:52

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

OP posts:
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MargoLeadbetterisQueen · Today 08:14

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 05:20

Exactly. It’s about time he retired and lived a bit. There’s got to be more to life than farming. Even if we can’t go I would like him to slow down and enjoy what we have left. Who doesn’t want an adventure!

Maybe he doesn't think there's more to life? Do you think he's not content?

MargoLeadbetterisQueen · Today 08:12

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:24

I’m definitely not your usual farmers wife but it works for us! Thank you for your nice post, even though you may think I’m unreasonable. Life is for the living! I’m currently enjoying a lovely weekend away at the F1 in Azerbaijan and to the horror of many, no, my husband is not with me. I’m enjoying my own company!

What do you mean "usual farmer's wife"? In my experience, women who farm are hard working, adaptable and resilient.
If you've decided it's not really for you, talk to your DH about it. You may not get an Australian visa anyway, so plan for holidays.
Either way, things may have to change.

Youneedas · Today 07:35

Who doesn’t want an adventure!

um. Your husband.

Youneedas · Today 07:35

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 05:20

Exactly. It’s about time he retired and lived a bit. There’s got to be more to life than farming. Even if we can’t go I would like him to slow down and enjoy what we have left. Who doesn’t want an adventure!

Op you can present a very logical case as to why he should do this and all the benefits but the fact remains - he doesn’t WANT to!

and those of us that know born and bred farmers, let alone 75 year old farmers who are still toiling the land that they were born in to - know that you are on a hiding to nothing so just leave the poor chap alone. The man has never even wanted to go to Australia for a holiday!

He is 75 now, say he suddenly undergoes a lobotomy and wants to go - he realistically wouldn’t be landing in Australia until he was… 78 at the earliest.

If this was anyone other than a born and bred farmer - he might be persuaded. He won’t.

KatiePricesKnickers · Today 07:25

There is no way you are getting visas at your ages.
Just go for a long holiday.

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 05:20

Todayismyfavouriteday · Today 00:13

Don't listen to all the bitter people here who prefer to stick to their 'better safe than sorry' lifestyle and lack the courage to try something different. It's never too late for a change of life. Your husband might discover a whole new world out there, and love it or hate it. You won't know until you try!

Exactly. It’s about time he retired and lived a bit. There’s got to be more to life than farming. Even if we can’t go I would like him to slow down and enjoy what we have left. Who doesn’t want an adventure!

OP posts:
OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 05:17

Youneedas · Yesterday 17:38

When was the last time you went on holiday with him @OneFedUpFarmersWife ?

Do you work?

We were in Santorini, Ios and Crete in July for 2 weeks for my youngest DDs wedding. He loved it. All the family came from Australia too. Yes I do work, at the moment but am retiring next month. I love my job but I’ve worked 24/7 shifts for the last 12 years and had enough of going to work at 7pm. I have applied to study for a degree at an OU in Criminology and Law to keep my brain going!

OP posts:
OneFedUpFarmersWife · Today 05:11

Youneedas · Yesterday 17:38

I’m currently enjoying a lovely weekend away at the F1 in Azerbaijan

Are you?!

Yes I am. It’s been very relaxing and quite hot. Today I’m moving to a hotel in the old town. The race yesterday was great and very well organised. I’m a big Lando fan.

OP posts:
Todayismyfavouriteday · Today 00:13

Don't listen to all the bitter people here who prefer to stick to their 'better safe than sorry' lifestyle and lack the courage to try something different. It's never too late for a change of life. Your husband might discover a whole new world out there, and love it or hate it. You won't know until you try!

caringcarer · Yesterday 22:11

YANBU wanting to go especially if 2 out of 3 of your dad's will be living there. I think actually being able to get over the practical hurdles would be difficult. Even if you got a visa could you manage with no state pension? Do you have a good sized private pension? If not what you live on as living in Australia is expensive. Would you miss your DD who lives on Moldova and your DH? Wouldn't going for a long holiday for 3 months each year make more sense for you?

Lilypad34 · Yesterday 21:14

Why are people being so rude and judgemental, op isn’t asking any of you to emigrate. She is considering it and why not, I’m sure she won’t be beating her dh into submission and none of us know what the future holds why shouldn’t she dream big.

Youneedas · Yesterday 17:38

When was the last time you went on holiday with him @OneFedUpFarmersWife ?

Do you work?

Imdunfer · Yesterday 17:38

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:24

I’m definitely not your usual farmers wife but it works for us! Thank you for your nice post, even though you may think I’m unreasonable. Life is for the living! I’m currently enjoying a lovely weekend away at the F1 in Azerbaijan and to the horror of many, no, my husband is not with me. I’m enjoying my own company!

Why do you think any of us would be horrified that you holiday on your own? Many of us do from time to time. We're wives not handmaidens or joined at the hip.

It just makes it all the more odd, through that you think a partner who doesn't even want to holiday in Azerbaijan with you would up sticks to live on the other side of the world.

Youneedas · Yesterday 17:38

I’m currently enjoying a lovely weekend away at the F1 in Azerbaijan

Are you?!

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 17:30

Youneedas · Yesterday 15:32

chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion.

what… like your DH?

It’s under discussion.

OP posts:
OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 17:29

HeyThereDelila · Yesterday 08:25

Assuming you could get a visa, if your DH won’t go you need to decide what to do about your DD who remains in the UK; would she feel dropped in favour of her sisters? Then decide do you divorce DH or just live apart?

You’re not unreasonable to want to go, but your DH isn’t unreasonable to want to stay. The farm is his home, and you're both late in life to start again in a foreign country. Don’t make him go, but equally don’t stay if you’ll be miserable.

You seem to have missed a few points. My youngest DD and her husband are applying for a visa to emigrate. Thus question would not have arisen otherwise. I’ll be devastated if they go but I’m not telling her that. I want them to go and have a great life in Australia just as her elder sister does.

OP posts:
Youneedas · Yesterday 15:35

Well my DD and husband are a long way off the possibility of getting a visa,

So realistically won’t be years before you’d be able to emigrate even if dh suddenly said yes. Poor chap will be about to turn 80!

Youneedas · Yesterday 15:32

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:28

There you go again making assumptions! Do you never discuss things with your partner?

chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion.

what… like your DH?

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:31

HonestLilacLemur · 24/09/2026 21:46

Would be worth paying attention to the visa changes that have been made here recently. With the prospect of moving to a right wing party - Immigration is a hot topic.

Best of luck to your family going through the visa process. We have been Australian Citizens this year, so I have my fingers crossed for them and yourselves!

Thank you so much. I am keeping up with the visa changes which don’t look promising for us. I will be devastated if my younger daughter gets a visa and we can’t go.

OP posts:
Youneedas · Yesterday 15:31

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:24

I’m definitely not your usual farmers wife but it works for us! Thank you for your nice post, even though you may think I’m unreasonable. Life is for the living! I’m currently enjoying a lovely weekend away at the F1 in Azerbaijan and to the horror of many, no, my husband is not with me. I’m enjoying my own company!

None of us will be the least bit surprised your husband isn’t with you.

He will be very happy in his farmhouse, looking out over the farm he has lived on for the last 75 years

Swiftie1878 · Yesterday 15:30

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:28

There you go again making assumptions! Do you never discuss things with your partner?

Yes. But if he says no, that’s the end of it.
If I say no to him, that’s the end of it.
We don’t nag each other into submission. That is controlling and bullying.

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:28

Swiftie1878 · Yesterday 15:21

Well, yours is telling you that he is.
You need to listen and not try to bully him
to get your own way.

There you go again making assumptions! Do you never discuss things with your partner?

OP posts:
OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:24

Lilypad34 · 24/09/2026 19:46

I know lots of posters think you’re a bit mad but life is short and if you never go for anything it’s a boring life. I hope whatever happens you remain optimistic and happy. Enjoy your degree I’m just about to do the same one!

I’m definitely not your usual farmers wife but it works for us! Thank you for your nice post, even though you may think I’m unreasonable. Life is for the living! I’m currently enjoying a lovely weekend away at the F1 in Azerbaijan and to the horror of many, no, my husband is not with me. I’m enjoying my own company!

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · Yesterday 15:21

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:16

I know exactly what you are saying. Everyone has their own personalities and traits. I’m sure not all farmers are the same,

Well, yours is telling you that he is.
You need to listen and not try to bully him
to get your own way.

Youneedas · Yesterday 15:18

OneFedUpFarmersWife · Yesterday 15:16

I know exactly what you are saying. Everyone has their own personalities and traits. I’m sure not all farmers are the same,

But what you have said on this very thread….

A born and bred farmer
Never lived anywhere else than the home he was born in
Never wanted to join you on numerous trips to Australia…. Ever
and still enjoying toiling his land

would indicate he very much is a born and bred farmer of 75 who is not going bend