AIBU to stop always moving aside for people in public?

I was just walking along the road and a man coming the other way. My street and I was just contemplating if I should say hello (I didn’t recognise him) but I was also very much on one side of the pavement. Oddly he then switched from the side he was walking on to my side so I had to move across. He didn’t look at me so I didn’t greet him, but I found it strange that he should move to my direct path. Anyhoo I do find young women the worst - they stand in clumps blocking the way and it’s like I’m invisible (I’m in my 60s and overweight, which I do think lends an invisibility cloak as in I’m dismissed). I am not shy about saying ‘excuse me’ to get them to move.

I let the one who's in a rush have the space, be it a path, or a door way. I will step aside or hold open doors. Its a calmer way to live.

Agreed, there’s definitely a performative element to it. It tends to be men I’ve found, they perhaps believe they’re being chivalrous but I just find it a bit irritating to be frank!

God yes this is why I stopped running in my local park. They walk 3-4 abreast taking up the whole path and see me coming but make zero attempt to move aside so I have to loudly say excuse me. Some will then tut and moan! Some people are just crazy.

Hahaha this has reminded me of my beloved grandma. She got fed up of it too and at 5 foot nothing she’d stop dead on a pavement in front of whomever expected her to move and wait for them to go around her, with a nonchalant look on her face 😂
Incredibly embarrassing for her anyone with her! I remember her doing it in central London… Didn’t give a damn!

This happens to me ALL THE TIME when I'm out running. It particularly grinds my gears when the path is straight and they're coming towards me, and so I know they DEFINITELY saw me - just didn't bother to shift a few inches over. Never sure what they expect me to do - stop running and move aside for their ladyships with a bow? At this point I don't make an effort to avoid them. I've never physically barged anyone but if they get my runner's sweat on them, that's their fault.

I actually don't find this is gendered, the rudest examples are straight couples or large family groups (I see this behaviour far more around Xmas time). My male runner friends say they encounter it a lot more with other men than I do, though.

Pavement/path etiquette shouldn't be complicated. I pick a side and run close to it, leaving plenty of space for anyone to pass me if they want. I notice people coming towards me and adjust my path accordingly so we can pass each other with neither of us breaking stride. I don't know what goes through the heads of people who just amble obliviously down the middle.

Oh yes, agree with all that, especially the "performance" ones who make a huge deal of standing aside when there's loads of room, just because they want the glorification of doing a good deed, though completely unnecessary. And an even bigger yes to the prats with dogs on stupidly long leads or no lead at all who don't give a toss that their dog is about to trip you up!

Very similar to the muppets driving the last car in a queue of traffic who flash/wave you in front of them even though you could just have easily had pulled in just behind them because there was no one else there!

Some people don’t move at all and force you into the road which is just next level rude. Other people move when they don’t need to which forces you to thank them for something they really didn’t need to do.

I’m a runner so come across both camps regularly. I stopped running around my closest park because of dog owners who thought it was hilarious to let their dogs run in front of me almost tripping me up and people who would see me coming but make zero effort to go single file to let me pass. What I equally find irritating is people who make a huge effort to stop and stand to one side when there’s loads of room for both of us to keep going.

I stand still when I see people stuck in their phones if they want to be morons and walk not looking they can run into me

@FFSItsTooHot

Unfortunately,being assertive and standing up myself comes across to some people as being aggressive. Which I most definitely am not!

It's scary how many people don't understand the difference and mistake someone being assertive as being aggressive.

Before I was disabled,I would get this all the time. But since developing quite severe mobility problems and having to use crutches when I'm out and about, I've started to stand my ground. I mean,it takes a very selfish and ignorant person to expect someone who is obviously having difficulty walking to jump out of their way! I do still encounter the odd one who expects me to move,but I just stand my ground and stop. They then have no choice but to go round me. I've been expected to walk in the road and on muddy grass verges in the past, and I'd had enough of it. It IS usually men who are the culprits. Unfortunately,being assertive and standing up myself comes across to some people as being aggressive. Which I most definitely am not!

You are right and I believe this has it's origins in the side of the body men more usually carried a sword. I could be wrong but this is what I have always believed!

I learnt if ‘patriarchy chicken’ on mn, and it was a revelation. I monitored my actions and realised I always gave way, so I have now started to alter my actions.

Obviously, if there’s someone who’s frail, has a pushchair etc, then I’ll step aside, but I quite enjoy playing chicken with people (men) now. It’s quite fascinating to see people’s responses, and some (men) look quite shocked when you don’t move.

Yes it was always the etiquette that you walk on the left of the pavement if in the same direction of traffic, so that people coming the other way will pass you on the side closest to the traffic as they have the clear view of the traffic, and can move into the road safely if necessary. The person walking closest to the traffic is always walking against the flow so has the best view.

Likewise, "gentleman" etiquette was always to walk alongside your "lady" at the traffic side, so that any spray etc from passing cars would hit the man who in turn protects the lady. And the man moves behind the lady into single file if you approach someone coming the other way. You rarely see that anymore, except for more elderly couples. It's one of those things you don't notice until you become aware of it.

I noticed it 40 years ago with my (now) DH, who always changed which side he walked on when we walked together and crossed the road, etc., Up to then, I knew nothing about that etiquette and I once asked him why he did it which is when he told me - he'd been "well trained" by his father how to respect a girl and given all kinds of old fashioned etiquette tips - he even always opened my car door for me (although I always suspected that was more to get a flash of my thighs!!).

We do seem to have lost some social courtesies as the years have passed.

Interesting comments. My walk to work involves a section along a very narrow pavement with nearby, one way traffic. I am waking in the same direction as the traffic.

Men always just move into the road to pass me but women do not move off the pavement, which means that I have to stop and let them pass me - or look behind me and go out into the road to pass them.

I usually have a polite exchange or a little joke with the men but very rarely with the women.

Fully you should say that actually as this thread made me think of the reaction I get in my new "boy racer" car (which I only chose for the low mileage).

I notice it every single time I drive - other cars fall out of my way like the red sea!

They assume I'm some pumped up man in his 20s and that I won't let them pass. In fact I'm a very considerate driver. But the behaviour of other drivers is like chalk and cheese compared with my previous (really hope not to be offensive here) "granny" car.

It's made me think a lot about status/threat and the power or impact of perceived hierarchy.

As it relates to pavements, I guess the non-moving wankers think "I want to walk in a straight line, and I will, unless I'm up against someone who might be a danger if I piss him off".

Don’t try this while driving.

No, on my daily walks, it's women, especially those in pairs/groups or walking their dogs, who just plough ahead regardless of who is already on the path coming towards them, can't be arsed to pull their dog in and seemingly quite content to let it's lead trip me up, i.e. they're on one side, dog on the other side. Maybe I'm just unlucky and have a disproportional number of oblivious/selfish women on my walk?? Just this morning a trio of women walking down the canal towpath, 3 abreast, no sign whatsoever of any of them moving into single or double file to get past me - clearly expecting me to teleport out of their way. They looked quite shocked when I stood my ground and stood still when they got within touching distance, and only then did they realise 1 of them had to walk to the side to get past me!!

I absolutely understand what you're talking about OP. I find it fascinating that people no longer accommodate eachother.

For me the worst is the school run. Like you I realised I'm always stepping off the curb into the road to allow people to pass. Sometimes the person will say thank you, but more often than not, it's like I'm completely invisible.

It has become like a game of chicken for me. I might try the stopping thing. Trouble is, if everybody is conducting their own experiment none of us will get very far! 😂

I think the problem is if you want someone to move or let you have a seat or whatever you can't rely on it being people's natural response anymore. But if you ask, most will snap out of their trance and comply with your request.

I’ve become a swimmer at my local pool recently (4 mths). I was crazy polite to everyone but was just getting pushed out of lanes and not getting my swim. Now I take zero shit. I get my lane and I will not move for anyone - no matter what - until I’ve done my swim. The only people that try and push me out - and it’s almost daily- are men. I almost look forward to it now because not matter how much they physically try to push me out I keep swimming in my lane and will not budge. They always leave quite quickly in a huff. It’s been extremely eye opening. I never realised before what bullies men can be. Fuckers

A dropped left shoulder normally sorts out the pavement hoggers/bargers.

My DH does this, will move out of the way for the thickest, most self-obsessed oblivious twat, be on the pavement, in shops, and when driving, he'd go in a ditch to give way to those in larger vehicles who don't want to move over by an inch. Drives me mad. He is very polite and lovely, but the more people like him give way to these twats the more they expect it as their right. I am the opposite, although of course not with the elderly (well, more elderly than me), disabled people etc but can't be doing with those who block pavements, supermarket aisles, stop in doorways for a chat etc as if nobody else existed.

@Clara1984 I know what you mean. I once had a stand off with a woman when I was heavily pregnant.

Since then I have found the solution for me: I have to pretend I am occupied and am not looking forward. I am looking down, or, if am with someone I am looking at them or looking across the road - then - so far - everybody has given way. I think they have not felt challenged?

I’ve got a RBF and walk with purpose and don’t make eye contact so I rarely get a problem, I have sat and watched people walking by and I’ve noticed men expect to be given way to.