Page 10 | Husbands behaviour on holiday WWYD - sick of it

encour · 2026-08-11T12:00:00+00:00

5th day of our holiday today. DH insisted we book onto an activity starting at 730am. We both got about 2 hours sleep last night (combination of heat, jet lag and adjusting to time zone). Dragged myself out of bed this morning, got ready and got to activity. Did it willingly even though it’s not my thing at all. DH was being short with me, which I kind of understand as he’s tired, but he said I was in the way of someone else waiting to do the activity, when I was actually doing the activity - he said ‘your in the way” and it was my turn!!!!). I backed off, and walked away and he said to me oh here we go this again, let’s not do this. Thought I’d just shut up and get on with it because we’re on holiday. Tried just chatting on the way back from the activity but got one word, blunt answers so gave up. Then he wanted food, but said the heat had made the lunch I prepared and packed for him “go bad” (we’d been out 1.5 hours and it was in a cool box) so he wanted to go out. I asked where he wanted to go. He was looking, getting really irritated and saying he was hungry, I told him to pick anywhere and I’d go with him. He said I needed to pick - but I wasn’t hungry? I said honestly anywhere. He got offended when I just wanted a small plate and was huffing and puffing. Then we saw a place of worship (my religion, not his) and I asked if it was ok if I went in. He came with me. I was looking at the altar and he pointed something out, but I couldn’t see it, he was getting really irritated and then physically pushed my head down to see it. I told him not to do that, and turned around and saw a group of people looking at us, could feel the tears coming but held them back. Then he was complaining about everything and I said I’m happy to do what you want to do, which attracted eye rolls. Because of the heat he’s asked to come back to the villa. Now he’s being really nice asking for a cuddle whilst he naps? WWYD? I’ve got another 3 weeks of this. Had doubts before the holiday about the relationship (too long to go into), but the head pushing feels very nasty. He’s got form for this on holiday, telling me I was wearing local dress wrong and pulled an item off me in front of onlookers.

Benjithedog · 14/08/2026 15:43

You need to start standing up for yourself and stop bowing to the manchild’s every whim. A simple fuck off normally does the trick.

29836WW · 14/08/2026 15:50

cordelia16 · 14/08/2026 13:07

i asked him before we left today if he wanted me to make him breakfast and he said no. I asked if he wanted a packed lunch, he said no.

Why are you responsible for making his food? He's a grown man.

Stop pandering to him and treating him like a child.

He wants something, he gets it himself.

Whynottryagain · 14/08/2026 15:56

You already has doubts.
His behavior on day one seems to confirm them.
I'd ditch him, book in to a different hotel and enjoy the rest of your time doing whatever you like.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/08/2026 16:15

Triskellion75 · 14/08/2026 12:22

feel like I can’t win at all with him

You never will, you know that don't you?

Please start making plans to get away from this man. He's toxic and he's done you enough harm, don't let him do any more.

^^ this 100%

You can't win with someone who will only play by their own abusive rules. And who keeps changing those rules to meet their own agenda.

I know you're stuck because you can't afford to pay to get home. But please, please start making plans 'in your head' for how to separate once you are home.

There is a wealth of information out there (and on MN) for women like you. But you can start with this:

womensaid.org.uk

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 14/08/2026 16:55

I'd tell him ... no immediate improvement and I will be leaving. I'd move to another hotel and catch arranged flight home.

Beachtastic · 14/08/2026 18:26

Anyone who sits in silence on holidays is a complete wanker.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/08/2026 19:45

I guess the Op does not have the money to change hotel and she said she doesn't have the money to fly home early.

@encour

Are you a different nationality to your husband, I know you said you are a different religion.

GreenCandleWax · 14/08/2026 20:47

Why are you letting him tell you what you can and cannot do? Just do your own thing. You don't need his permission to go for a coffee or to the beach or whatever.
In your shoes I would take my passport and return air ticket, plus credit card and go somewhere else in the area and enjoy the rest of the holiday. See him again at the airport to go home. Or alter the ticket if you want to go home sooner. Then get on with a divorce.🌸

Horses7 · 14/08/2026 21:05

He doesn’t want you to win with him - because it’s all about him winning.
If he says no to something say ‘it’s what I want to do for a change’ …..and then do it, don’t cave in.
Your holiday must be exhausting, like being away with a truculent toddler - you’ll need a holiday (alone or with friends) to get over your holiday with him!

mashpatooties · 15/08/2026 00:47

encour · 14/08/2026 12:05

I don’t know if I’m just picking up on things with aren’t bad and making them bad after what he did in the church?

Yesterday we were walking around the local area and I went to walk past a group taking photos of each other. The road was packed so I just was going to walk through. He grabbed my arm and told me to wait. I told him that it hurt and he said sorry.

i asked him before we left today if he wanted me to make him breakfast and he said no. I asked if he wanted a packed lunch, he said no. We got to the beach and he was basically silent. I asked him if he was ok and he asked me what the plan was? I said well we’re just at the beach? He then sat in silence and complained about the heat, asked him if he wanted to go indoors for the aircon, he said no. I asked him if he wanted to eat he said it was too hot. About 20 minutes later he said he was starving and we needed to get food. So we went. He said “how could you not know I was hungry when I haven’t eaten at all today?”

feel like I can’t win at all with him.

doing my own thing is impossible, I told him I was heading out for a coffee and he told me to wait until he was ready. I said I wanted to go back to the beach today but it wasn’t his thing so maybe we could do our thing for a few hours? He said no

He said no? Oh well there we go then. No love, you're an adult. He doesn't get to tell you no. He's not your father and you're not 8.
I don't want to sound harsh or unsympathetic but you need to grow a backbone.
If he is genuinely abusive to you rather than this downplayed version you've replied with in various replies then don't do that instead get your passport, documents and go to the airport.
Ask the airline to take you home due to an unsafe domestic violence situation. Contact your travel insurance/friend/family member if they won't transfer your flight without huge charge.
I'm worried that if he is abusive and it's not just a childish bad tempered twat you're on holiday with, that his behaviour will escalate.
Are you from different cultures? I'm sorry if that's rude to ask, I just had a feeling you might be and that was in play too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/08/2026 01:33

encour · 14/08/2026 12:05

I don’t know if I’m just picking up on things with aren’t bad and making them bad after what he did in the church?

Yesterday we were walking around the local area and I went to walk past a group taking photos of each other. The road was packed so I just was going to walk through. He grabbed my arm and told me to wait. I told him that it hurt and he said sorry.

i asked him before we left today if he wanted me to make him breakfast and he said no. I asked if he wanted a packed lunch, he said no. We got to the beach and he was basically silent. I asked him if he was ok and he asked me what the plan was? I said well we’re just at the beach? He then sat in silence and complained about the heat, asked him if he wanted to go indoors for the aircon, he said no. I asked him if he wanted to eat he said it was too hot. About 20 minutes later he said he was starving and we needed to get food. So we went. He said “how could you not know I was hungry when I haven’t eaten at all today?”

feel like I can’t win at all with him.

doing my own thing is impossible, I told him I was heading out for a coffee and he told me to wait until he was ready. I said I wanted to go back to the beach today but it wasn’t his thing so maybe we could do our thing for a few hours? He said no

You can't win because he is setting you up to fail.

"Do you want food?"
"No"

"Do you want to go somewhere else?"
"No"
.
.
.
.
.
"I want to go somewhere else as I am really hungry and I cannot believe that you didnt know that!!!"

Do you see how ridiculous that is?

Also, why the hell are you asking him anything at all? If he is hungry he can make breakfast or lunch, if he is hot he can go to the room, if you want to sit on the beach then you can say so and do it.

There is a lot more to this isnt there? Are you frightened of him? I am sensing that you are.

PinkyFlamingo · 15/08/2026 01:37

Doing your own thing is not impossible. All this constant asking him does he want this, does he want that you just need to stop for a start.

category12 · 15/08/2026 06:38

Of course she's frightened of him. She's running round desperate to placate him, desperate to please him all the time.

Ineffable23 · 15/08/2026 07:14

You need to leave him OP. I understand you may not be able to until you get back. But please do, either now or as soon as you're home.

frozendaisy · 15/08/2026 07:21

Try playing his game

Sulk

Say “I’m having a miserable time” (because you are)

one work answers

sure
ok
yes
no
don’t mind
whatever
nice
oh

agree and passively walk around

do not engage or try to be interesting company

Lmnop22 · 15/08/2026 07:28

encour · 14/08/2026 12:05

I don’t know if I’m just picking up on things with aren’t bad and making them bad after what he did in the church?

Yesterday we were walking around the local area and I went to walk past a group taking photos of each other. The road was packed so I just was going to walk through. He grabbed my arm and told me to wait. I told him that it hurt and he said sorry.

i asked him before we left today if he wanted me to make him breakfast and he said no. I asked if he wanted a packed lunch, he said no. We got to the beach and he was basically silent. I asked him if he was ok and he asked me what the plan was? I said well we’re just at the beach? He then sat in silence and complained about the heat, asked him if he wanted to go indoors for the aircon, he said no. I asked him if he wanted to eat he said it was too hot. About 20 minutes later he said he was starving and we needed to get food. So we went. He said “how could you not know I was hungry when I haven’t eaten at all today?”

feel like I can’t win at all with him.

doing my own thing is impossible, I told him I was heading out for a coffee and he told me to wait until he was ready. I said I wanted to go back to the beach today but it wasn’t his thing so maybe we could do our thing for a few hours? He said no

You’re a grown up OP and should be an equal partner. Stop asking his permission to go for a coffee or go to the beach or do your own thing and TELL him you are going to do X and leave and do it.

Sounds like he’s an arse anyway, so it’s not like you wouldn’t get the silent treatment either way.

Screamingabdabz · 15/08/2026 07:37

…And stop offering to make him meals and coffee. Stop pandering to him. Treat him from now on as if he doesn’t exist.

Make the most of your own headspace until the end of the holiday and then when you get back home, make serious efforts to leave him and get your life back.

QuintadosMalvados · 15/08/2026 08:33

Some terrible advice here.
Where she is right now is not the place to suddenly stand up to him or tell him to fuck off.
That's the sort of thing you do with a non-abusive man who's just being a bit grumpy.
Not an abusive c* you're in an unfamiliar environment with.

QuintadosMalvados · 15/08/2026 08:36

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/08/2026 01:33

You can't win because he is setting you up to fail.

"Do you want food?"
"No"

"Do you want to go somewhere else?"
"No"
.
.
.
.
.
"I want to go somewhere else as I am really hungry and I cannot believe that you didnt know that!!!"

Do you see how ridiculous that is?

Also, why the hell are you asking him anything at all? If he is hungry he can make breakfast or lunch, if he is hot he can go to the room, if you want to sit on the beach then you can say so and do it.

There is a lot more to this isnt there? Are you frightened of him? I am sensing that you are.

Show quote history

She's terrified of the bastard. And stuck in an unfamiliar environment with him.

Of course she's trying to placate him. Is this not obvious?

user293948849167 · 15/08/2026 10:24

I feel like you’re being extremely passive here. It’s all about you asking him what he wants and putting up with his nonsense.
He isn’t a child, he’s a grown man.
Stop babying him, stop trying to “look after” him, you’re a grown woman what do YOU want to do on your holiday?
You obviously need to split up because your DP is awful and will never change.
But seriously try and have a bit of time doing stuff on your own until you can come home and sort out splitting up

fishkettle · 15/08/2026 11:16

Alongside the services tagged above can I recommend you look into the work of Laura Richards of “The Crime Analyst” podcast. She’s really good at helping to uncover the red flags of coercive control & the mechanics of power and control that abusive men use. The reason this is important is because abuse quite often starts “small” and can be minimised away, or the person is gaslit into thinking that they are the problem. I’m not a psychologist or a crime analyst but from what I have learned this situation could become more dangerous because the red flags are there now. Please do your research and then work out how you can safely get away from this man. With the emphasis on safely. From what I understand you don’t tell them you are leaving until you have left because the point of leaving is the most dangerous time of all. https://www.thelaurarichards.com/resources/coercivecontrol

AcrossthePond55 · 15/08/2026 14:46

QuintadosMalvados · 15/08/2026 08:33

Some terrible advice here.
Where she is right now is not the place to suddenly stand up to him or tell him to fuck off.
That's the sort of thing you do with a non-abusive man who's just being a bit grumpy.
Not an abusive c* you're in an unfamiliar environment with.

I agree.

@encour Just grit your teeth and get through this holiday. Once you're home you can make plans

BountifulPantry · 15/08/2026 20:32

encour · 14/08/2026 12:05

I don’t know if I’m just picking up on things with aren’t bad and making them bad after what he did in the church?

Yesterday we were walking around the local area and I went to walk past a group taking photos of each other. The road was packed so I just was going to walk through. He grabbed my arm and told me to wait. I told him that it hurt and he said sorry.

i asked him before we left today if he wanted me to make him breakfast and he said no. I asked if he wanted a packed lunch, he said no. We got to the beach and he was basically silent. I asked him if he was ok and he asked me what the plan was? I said well we’re just at the beach? He then sat in silence and complained about the heat, asked him if he wanted to go indoors for the aircon, he said no. I asked him if he wanted to eat he said it was too hot. About 20 minutes later he said he was starving and we needed to get food. So we went. He said “how could you not know I was hungry when I haven’t eaten at all today?”

feel like I can’t win at all with him.

doing my own thing is impossible, I told him I was heading out for a coffee and he told me to wait until he was ready. I said I wanted to go back to the beach today but it wasn’t his thing so maybe we could do our thing for a few hours? He said no

This just sounds so boring.

SO boring.

WestieRiots · 16/08/2026 11:53

fishkettle · 15/08/2026 11:16

Alongside the services tagged above can I recommend you look into the work of Laura Richards of “The Crime Analyst” podcast. She’s really good at helping to uncover the red flags of coercive control & the mechanics of power and control that abusive men use. The reason this is important is because abuse quite often starts “small” and can be minimised away, or the person is gaslit into thinking that they are the problem. I’m not a psychologist or a crime analyst but from what I have learned this situation could become more dangerous because the red flags are there now. Please do your research and then work out how you can safely get away from this man. With the emphasis on safely. From what I understand you don’t tell them you are leaving until you have left because the point of leaving is the most dangerous time of all. https://www.thelaurarichards.com/resources/coercivecontrol

This is a great resource, thanks for sharing, I hadn't seen it before

BeRoseSloth · 16/08/2026 13:49

encour · 14/08/2026 12:05

I don’t know if I’m just picking up on things with aren’t bad and making them bad after what he did in the church?

Yesterday we were walking around the local area and I went to walk past a group taking photos of each other. The road was packed so I just was going to walk through. He grabbed my arm and told me to wait. I told him that it hurt and he said sorry.

i asked him before we left today if he wanted me to make him breakfast and he said no. I asked if he wanted a packed lunch, he said no. We got to the beach and he was basically silent. I asked him if he was ok and he asked me what the plan was? I said well we’re just at the beach? He then sat in silence and complained about the heat, asked him if he wanted to go indoors for the aircon, he said no. I asked him if he wanted to eat he said it was too hot. About 20 minutes later he said he was starving and we needed to get food. So we went. He said “how could you not know I was hungry when I haven’t eaten at all today?”

feel like I can’t win at all with him.

doing my own thing is impossible, I told him I was heading out for a coffee and he told me to wait until he was ready. I said I wanted to go back to the beach today but it wasn’t his thing so maybe we could do our thing for a few hours? He said no

Why do you do what he says? You could have gone off for coffee and told him to catch you up. He is not in charge. He is not the boss of you.