AIBU to be annoyed guests announced vegan diets on arrival?

You have reacted in a perfectly reasonable and fair manner. I cannot believe that people can be this thick and thoughtless. You don’t just turn up at someone’s house (people you like apparently) and announce that you no longer eat 50% of the foods that an average person eats! They should be bending over backwards to be easy and helpful to you; especially in the circumstances.

Given they sound thoughtless, selfish, and insensitive, are you sure you can count on them to support your daughter like you expect?

Because they sound awful.

They put her out of her room so they can have a free holiday in comfort and the heck with her comfort in her own home when her mom is ill. They show up while you're having cancer treatment with all the side effects that has for a free holiday and don't bother to inform you that oh, we're vegetarian now but expect you to accommodate them?

Thoughtful people would be there giving you some support, not freeloading off you. Their actions aren't those of people who will be supportive when the chips are down.

I also think if you tell them you’re sorry but you’ve already bought shopping and meal planned the week etc, that you can’t afford to go shopping again, but that you won’t be offended if they choose not to join you for the meals you will be cooking and, instead, go out for meals instead. Once they realise you’re not going to pander to them, and that they’re going to have to spend their own money on meals out everyday, and how much that will cost them (it sounds as though they’re probably as cheap af, and staying at yours to save money on holiday accommodation costs elsewhere), they’ll soon be back and tucking into the quiche and anything else you make!

Im perfectly happy, and capable, of catering to any diet, with advance notice, and am perfectly happy to do so and to eat (eg vegan), because I also cook and eat plenty of non animal based meals by choice anyway, but that’s entirely different to them turning up and then announcing it. Really poor behaviour, and also shows a lack of respect for you and your family. Basically they’re treating your home as a free hotel, so they can just carry on and go out for meals, like they would if they were stating in a hotel. It’s a shame your daughter has so readily given up her room, but I’d put a stop to that in the future. I don’t think you’ll need to worry about them staying again after this, so at least that’s a positive!

I'm doubly sorry they've done this when you need less mental load and admin, not more. What a shame they are visiting in a way that adds to your load rather than lightening it, which is what you should be getting!

I’d make them veggie or vegan food then not invite them again. If they were super apologetic and offered to shop I’d give them a pass.

Never again!
They never even bothered to let you know in advance? They are not nice people. They are selfish free loaders who are entitled and arrogant. They do not respect you or your family.

Apologies, just read you have told them.
Also that your children will need them soon.
You need to mind yourself.

How incredibly thoughtless of them.
As a vegan of seven years I would have made sure you knew well in advance and would have brought lots of things for myself and also things for you and your dd to maybe try.

I also jave coeliac disease so can’t eat gluten so that really complicates things.

I go to my Dbro for Christmas every year and even though he knows of my dietary needs he’ll still ring to go over tings I have to avoid. It may be something a simple as vinegar because I can’t have barley and most vinegars contain it.

You are definitely not being unreasonable in fact I’d go as far as to say they most probably won’t even be vegan when they come to stay next time, as their attitude doesn’t really reflect the compassion that most vegans have for animals. I’m thinking it’s a healthy eating fad.

You are right to say what you did and get them to buy things that would complement the food for the menu you have already prepared.
Well done.
May teach them to be a little less thoughtless going forward.

You showed great presence of mind, OP. Well done. And I do hope you manage to have a nice visit with them.

I assume some of what you planned is veggie and they will eat. I’d ask they supplement your food with theirs and you cook for you. Some relationships are not worth preserving and this is one of them. You are being too kind!

Tell them you can't accommodate that. They either eat what you cook or fuck off and get their own meals.

And make a resolution never to invite them again.

That's exactly what I did once, when I was a veggie. A friend invited me out for an impromptu lunch and I only realised, half way there, that I hadn't mentioned that I had gone veggie. I didn't say anything and happily ate the roast dinner I was offered.

Yanbu to say i have already shopped but you are welcome to pick up any veggie/vegan alternatives that you need, the shop is that way!

I’d explain that I’m sorry but I’ve already shopped for groceries. But you are welcome to shop and store their groceries in the kitchen. If you do want to eat our meals then let us know so I can make enough for all of us.

This. I can't imagine being close enough to people to have them stay in my house for a week, but not close enough to tell them this.

Fuck me! If I was your friend I would be coming to stay to treat you for the week.

Don’t push yourself- these are grown ups who are perfectly capable of looking after themselves.
Maybe you could cut the visit short if you feel this is too much for you. Not worth exhausting yourself as you have a lot going on. Good friends/people would totally understand.

With people lke your guests, they are faddy because when they realise they are limited from what they used to eat the novelty soon wears off. It's usually 'oh look at us, we're veggie [but I still eat chicken] or vegan I rarely eat a full roast dinner] I've known both and they were complete twats. One silly cow cried and said I was being mean because I said you aren't vegan if you eat fish and chips.🙄Next time I saw her she looked sheepish and ignored me but her friend said they had just been for a Big Mac !😆
I'm a vegan, have been for nearly 30 years, but I don't feel the need to bang the drum wave the banner and expect the rest of the world to plan meals around me.

I personally don't think you've overreacted OP. As to being Godparents, I wouldn't back that horse too keenly.

Good idea to show them the meal plan and get them to adapt it for themselves. Just point them in the direction of the nearest supermarket so that they can get what they need.

Id point out the kitchen and give them directions to the nearest supermarket and tell them they are welcome to sort out their food.

Offer them beans on toast as the alternative to anything you have preplanned which they claim they can't eat and do ensure they are the cheap, own brand supermarket beans.

Anything else they'll need to obtain themselves.

At least they then can't claim that you never offered an alternative. Job done!

I think they were a little surprised.

Ah, what a shame. Good on you OP.

YANBU and they ABU by being surprised at what you said. No way if someone was putting me up and I knew they were shopping for me would I not express my dietary preferences (or I would suck it up for the week). Or if I forget, I would absolutely go out and get my own food.

I'm so sorry, they sound extra selfish doing this to you when you're undergoing cancer treatment. I understand why you'd put up with this to maintain their relationship with your kids. Although I think with them being so selfish and thoughtless, other adults in their lives would probably be a better support to your children than these two.

They are inconsiderate but I am so proud of you (I know I don't know you so possibly not the right word). Asking them to do the thinking and then going to the shops themselves is would think of hours later and wish I had done! So impressed. I think you are being more than accommodating!