AIBU to feel hurt after husband broke our no-porn agreement?

I agree, it is incredibly sad her husband chose to be a lying wanker, ruining her trust of him, thereby forever negatively affecting their relationship. It is indeed sad.

Don't be a lying wanker is the main takeaway from this thread.

Is he allowed to wank? Or just not to porn?

OK. He can draw his own then.

Of course hes been watching porn the whole time. The majority of men do, some women are just gullible to believe their husband doesn't.

I wouldn't been impressed to have walked in on him doing it whilst you were home though.

Other people's opinions on here about porn are neither here nor there. The point is, you had an agreement and he broke it. I'm not surprised you are hurt and upset, and I'm sorry you are in this position now.

No, it doesn't. He can just wank without the online prostitution.

Hope this helps.

I think you need to separate the two. It's ok to masturbate. It's not ok to watch porn. Porn is mostly trafficked women so by using it he is supporting the abuse of women for his own sexual gratification. That's not a man any woman should want to be with.

I'm so sorry that you're incapable of pleasuring yourself and achieving a satisfying sexual climax without watching other strangers having sexual intercourse.
That's really very sad, quite genuinely.

He said he wouldn't. He lied. He didn't have to lie. He doesn't need porn.

So, the question is what is OP going to do about the lying wanker?

It’s not really a matter of “I birthed his baby so he shouldn’t wank to porn.” The two things aren’t related. My DH does all kinds of great and selfless tasks but it’s not much help when he’s busy elsewhere and I want to get off. I only use ethical porn btw so don’t come at me, but in your case it seems his mistake was making an agreement he couldn’t realistically stick to. Personally I’d turn a blind eye and not read so much into it. It’s a common functional thing not generally a reflection on you or your sex life.

Here we go....

I really wish that men could realise that the world does not revolve around their penis.

His wife just had a baby so it perfectly normal that sex is not going to be possible while she recovers.

No having sex for a bit is not going to kills him...

There is zero need for him to watch porn. He can masturbate without it.

Being a 'pick-me woman' is not attractive either by the way.

Oh yeah, super hot stuff, those crudely drawn depictions of sex

Men (and women) DO NOT require porn to masturbate, and never have. They might like it, but they don't need it. (Unless they get addicted to it)

Why can't he just masturbate and use his vivid imagination? It's possible to wank off without porn.

I think there were cave drawings of porn.

You may have had an agreement but the situation has changed and therefore your agreement needs reviewing.

Extraordinary that men only discovered masturbation when porn became available……

You are not being unreasonable, OP.

He agreed to not look at objectified women being used sexually (possibly non-consensually), and he should've kept his word. It's no doubt frustrating for him that you're (very understandably) not wanting sex right now due to pain, but that's what his hand and his imagination is for.

Porn is vile. Make time with each other and figure out alternatives. He can restrain but he chooses not to. We've all been taught it's okay to be impulsive, selfish and instant gratification is permissive. So, this is an insidious societal issue but it's not insurmountable. You're not unreasonable to feel hurt but be proactive and remember change can take time.

I think it’s fair to be hurt about your husband using porn. I can’t tell if you’re upset that he was masturbating, but if you are, I don’t think that part is fair.

It's not great seeing as you had an agreement but if you aren't having sex at the moment, I sort of see why he might do this. I am in no way saying you should be having sex at this point btw. This is not a reflection on you or your post birth body and you should not allow it to affect your confidence. It is just a means to an end while your focus is (rightly) on your baby.

Wow! That’s really sad.

She had a traumatic birth and has a 4 month old baby! What do you mean she can't have it both ways? Because she's not up for having sex yet? Jesus.