AIBU to feel hurt after husband broke our no-porn agreement?

Yes, this is my stance on it too.

I mean, I have an incredibly low opinion of men, and yet even I have more respect for them than you, it seems.
No, my husband doesn't watch porn, like 33% of the UK (25% don't watch it, and 8% have never watched it), and no, he's not lying. I'm sure you won't believe that, but that just makes me sad for you that you haven't encountered a decent man (they might not be the majority, but they do exist!) I suppose they can be few and far between though.

But regardless, a man shouldn't agree to something and then break his word, like OP's husband has.

See ..I find this bizarre...
I am married 30 years ..and I genuinely have no idea if my husband watches porn or not ..
It has never crossed my mind to ask him
It's his personal business..
I suspect he isn't..but if he was ,it's not my business what he does with his body

Exactly what I was going to say. Porn is wholly unnecessary.

It would be over for me. Not just the promise but the fact he thinks potentially trafficked women and girls are a product to be consumed.

But we do that all the time when we tell partners that they can't have sex with other people. It's fine to draw boundaries, and say 'if you do x, then I can't be with you', whether that's picking their nose in public, watching porn, or having sex with someone else.

I've suffered CSA and sex trafficking as a teen, so sadly not naive.

I've seen and experienced some of the worst of what men like to do, sexually, and yes, I do think all porn is dehumanising because it makes people into things. I also know that it's practically impossible to know whether or not someone in a porno is being raped or not, and that if you can get off on porn even knowing that you might be wanking off to a rape, then you have a serious problem.

Regardless a sizeable minority of men don't watch porn, even now, with it being freely available everywhere and thoroughly normalised and excused, so it's silly to act as though it's inevitable that men will watch porn. Plenty don't!

I think this is so true.

It is very common, that’s the problem, it’s addictive.
The more interesting the more money, the more girls trafficked, abuse.

It is the Andrew Tate and Epstein world. Not worth entering for wanking materiel, yes so many people have not learned anything.

The impact on young men is horrendous since it’s full of incest storylines and even rape depending on the sites on the dark web.

I have only had one partner since porn became readily available (my ex husband) so that is entirely irrelevant to my point. Its easy for you to dismiss me by implying that that is the extent of my opinion on this subject is my own personal choice of partners

I don't think that life is anywhere near as black and white as you think. I think a lot of men get turned on by the idea of watching a woman be raped. I don't think you've ever looked at a porn website if you think its all rape and dehumanising. I think you're very naïve to think that there is research out there that has completely covered every walk of life, every age, every possible type of man and 100% of them were 100% honest about it. Because some of them probably don't want to admit it to themselves even

I'm not saying no men watch porn, I'm saying they are in the minority.

Its common knowledge that porn addiction is a real thing. Porn is readily available. The temptation is very real. It can spiral. Its ridiculous to think that it can be allowed into people's homes so easily and that people won't give in to it

No I think that's something women are concerned about but not men - unless a woman has told then to think that way and then they will pretend it's an issue for them too. My exdh told me he grew out of porn even though I wasn't bothered either way, turned out he was lying.

Over 80% of men say they have watched porn in the UK. 13% say they watch it every single day. Considering about 20% of men are thought to have persistent impotence - well good luck finding a man who can get it up and doesn't ever watch porn.

I think to expect that to be a life long agreement was naive OP. It's disappointing to trust someone and have that broken but unfortunately men are a frequent source of disappointment I find.

I think it's very common - I can't remember the stats, but I think it's something like 70% of men watch porn? But that's still 30% of men who don't. Which is a sizeable minority.

Eh naw - it is not a signal to get things going again, that signal would be OP feeling mentally and physically ready for sex. OP can expect him not to have sex and not use porn, as was their agreement, if you had said OP can’t expect him not to have sex and not to masturbate then I would agree but your post is coming across very “oh poor man, he needs this, and it’s your fault for not performing your wifely duties”

Can you imagine spending your married life holding a grudge? Either you’re a team with trust and each others back or you’re living a sham life.

Thats what I find sad.

I'm so sorry op this is a huge betrayal of trust.

My husband and I have agreed we don't engage in any pornography it doesn't align with our values both ethically and for our marriage. It is perfectly do able for any human to make that commitment when they want to.

I think a calm conversation on what's going on for him. Was it empty words or something he actually agrees with but is finding it more difficult than he realised to give up pornography?which would then indicate he needs therapy/support.

Take the time to think what you need to feel safe as well. Time apart perhaps.
You might find omar minwhalla secret sexual basement helpful.

I would feel the same OP. He doesn’t need visual stimulation, man wanked off for years before porn was freely available.
I don’t like it either. It’s fake and abusive.

100000000000000000000000000000000000000000% 👏

I was referring more to the masturbation part and using porn to aid it. Agree with much of what you wrote. But I do think it's more common than people think, most partners wouldn't know. I haven't a clue if most of my exes watched it. I know some did, but the others, I wouldn't even want to know what they do in their personal time when the bathroom door is shut.

I know you wish that, perhaps because your husband or boyfriends have always watched porn, and you want to believe that's the only option, and you can't change it... But a lot of men genuinely don't watch porn. Even the stats show that.

I mean, I'm sure most men have looked at it at points, especially in their teens, but a lot of men really, truly, just don't watch porn as adults, because they get creeped out by the idea that they could be watching a woman being raped, because they don't like the weirdly dehumanising sort of sex that dominates porn, because they can't switch off the part of their brain that is uncomfortable with the gross objectification of women, because they just find it boring and unfulfilling, or a mix of the above.

I understand why you’re upset. It’s sad he’s gone against an agreement you made together, and really disrespectful that he did it when there was the slightest possibility you could walk in.

Lack of sex is a tough one I suppose. The masturbating fine, porn I could get my head around I suppose although I wouldn’t like it. Doing it when I’m in, no way!

I tend to the view that all men use porn and it’s not really my business.

This seems like a pointless thing to worry about, except if it is affecting your sex life, which you make clear it is not.

You can’t expect him to not have sex and not use porn, I don’t think.

Perhaps this is the signal you need to gently get things going again in that department? He sounds like a decent and nice man who isn’t going to make you take things too fast.

Is this something that you previously enjoyed together before you were married?

This is a really good response I think.

That's one hell of a leap 😱 your username is fitting.
Anywho, I was responding to the original comment , where the poster implied that fapping was more popular since the invention of porn.
I know this is going to be misinterpreted 17 ways from Tuesday and my intention tarnished so I'm bowing out of this thread. Peace ✌️.

So if they've only ever masturbated with porn, they might struggle without.

So don't masturbate then? If you're struggling to do it it's not exactly an urgent need is it 😂