AIBU to feel hurt after husband broke our no-porn agreement?

He broke the agreement you had which is not great and you’re entitled to be upset.

However it does sound like he was trying to take care of his needs discreetly without hassling you for sex. It’s not nice, but I do understand people needing a little bit of stimulation rather than their own imagination. My objections to online porn are due to the widespread abuse of women, its impact on young people, not my husband needing a visual aid for masturbation. I would happily use erotic literature for example if sex was off the cards for a while.

Personally I would take this as a chance to open up the discussion about your sex life and agree on boundaries going forward, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell him you don’t want him to view online porn again. Let him know why you are upset and listen to his responses. If he seems remorseful that he’s upset you and seems believable that he was using it as an aid for the period of time where sex with you is off the table, I think you can move past it. If you feel he is avoiding sex with you or preferring porn instead of being intimate with you, that’s something you need to sort out.

I don't need you to mark my work, and I'm not your admin.

I don't use AI. But if you can provide sources or links to studies, why wouldn't I believe you?

Can I suggest instead of debating me you go to something like ChatGPT and type in Is this post accurate, then the content of my post? I’m pretty sure you aren’t going to believe me.

This. Times 100.

Where are your statistics for those claims? Because no, it's not all consensual, and from what I know, of live action porn, extreme content is still as popular as ever.

And yes, orgasming to the sexual objectification and dehumanisation of women does actually make you a terrible feminist. Unsurprisingly.

If you haven't noticed the huge negative impact that internet porn has on our society, and on young women and girls, then you must be wilfully blinding yourself, or actively enjoying it. I suspect the latter, given your posts.

You really don’t know what people watch. The kind of extreme content (which is nonetheless consensual and commercially created) has been declining for years, certainly every year since 2018, and most porn today clusters around a soft centre of more realistic mainstream sex acts. That’s even more the case when the performers take control in platforms like OF. The number 1 porn search term is hentai, where there are no real performers, and the number 2 is lesbian. That said if women want to watch fetish or rough sex that’s also fine and doesn’t create a bad feminist. Biggest growing area of porn is female use: if it continues at the current rate 50% of porn will be watched by women in less than 10 years from now. Yay! There’s good evidence that women watching and making more porn makes all porn better.

Wow. False feminism in this case. How could a women who calls herself a feminist watch when the women on the screen are being abused, left raw, shitting themselves after hours of anal, deep throat to the point of choking.
There is ethical adult movies available but they’re few and far between.
It supports and encourages human trafficking and rape, same way with taking cocaine, the consequences of their pleasures is evil.

I said: "pathetic (in the classic sense)."

"In the classic sense, pathetic means relating to or arousing pathos—deep emotion, tender sorrow, or sympathetic pity."

So basically, I feel sorry for them; they are worthy of pity, being so horribly conditioned that they need to watch other people having sex in order to achieve their own climax.

(I also do think it's incredibly gross and immoral to choose to orgasm to something that could be rape, though, if that makes you feel better!)

I largely don't disagree with the poster about the harmfulness of porn.

I just don't think that women who struggle to have orgasms, but find that porn helps them, are "pathetic", is all.

I particularly had women whose difficulties are not rooted in porn addiction in mind, but I generally dont think of people with addictions (of all sorts) are pathetic, or living pathetic lives, either.

Interesting that that is all you’re taking from a long and thoughtful post. And that the poster didn’t actually say that anyway? The denial and self deception is sooo strong on this subject!!!

He didn’t agree he just told you what you wanted to hear to shut it down

things like this are never a discussion it’s generally my way or no way
in all honesty if he would of said he wanted to use porn I doubt you would of said ok then

Definitely not being unreasonable. It's not necessarily just about the porn, but about him prioritising a course of action that he agreed with you was not acceptable in your relationship. That's the betrayal. It's the same as if you'd both agreed to put money away for a big purchase and then one of you spent it on tat.

Of course. But I was initially responding to someone who implied they couldn't orgasm without porn.

Anyway, I'm not sure what your point is?

He never saw porn in the same way as you, he just agreed to what you wanted for an easy life and to keep you happy.

it is normal that your sex life is reduced as you’ve just had a baby, but it’s also normal for his sex drive to have remained the same. He hasn’t cheated on you or done anything terrible. I wouldn’t make a drama out of it.

You do realize that not all women, by a long shot, for whom becoming stimulated or achieving an orgasm, experience difficulty due to porn addition, right?

No, as a feminist, I don't like something that exploits women, and leads to a deepening sexual objectification and dehumanisation of them in society, increasing dangerous sexual practices and unrealistic expectations.
Who would've thunk it!

I'm not sure what there is to reflect on, as I don't think argumentum ad populum is very persuasive.

As I said up-thread, I'm personally very aware of the harms of sexual exploitation, so I'm not willing or able to indulge in denial, as most people are. I also think it's very sad that some people have become so addicted and conditioned that they actually can't achieve a satisfying orgasm without watching strangers having sex. What a limiting, pathetic (in the classic sense) issue to have.

I can see you don't like porn. But I also think you don't understand it. I'm not here to proselytize for it but you should know your view point is not the majority opinion, even amongst women, and that might give you pause to reflect again. Be happy however you get off!

Actual porn does in fact have actual people in it, leading to increased social objectification of women, exploitation, and real harm.

Feminism is about women's liberation. And no, it's not fun when women cape for patriarchy, but there we go. Some do seem to insist on doing so; that's socialisation for you, I suppose.

Neither does actual porn.

AFAIC, feminism is the fight for equality, not a set of strict ideologies. The war of women vs women is not a fun place to be.

They never stop, they just hide it better.

Really just like that 😂

Non-visual porn doesn't involve reducing actual people to things for others' sexual pleasure. And plenty of women have self-destructive or patriarchal beliefs that don't align with feminism - just look at all the women who are against abortion.

Really? It's prudish to be able to achieve deeply satisfying, quality orgasms without needing to watch other people (who are being paid to) have sex? And to be sad that someone can't enjoy masturbation, or achieve a climax, without watching strangers have sex?

Could you explain the reasoning behind that?