To get involved with DSD's weight?

This is your third thread I've seen about this exact same topic.

When DSD is with you for the Summer, you are in charge of her welfare. N o diet. No talk of BMI etc.
Your household can all eat a healthy and varied Mediteranean type diet.
Chop off visible fats, lots of wholegrains and vegetables, eggs and fruit.

Water as the default drink (DSD relatives might have given her unlimited sodas)
Weetabix or Rolled Oats as the default cereal.
Take DSD with you when you walk in parks, swim and ride bikes.
She is a young child who will easily develop a healthy body to match a healthy life style.

My own DD was overweight for a while at a similar age. We were referred to a dietician they very much wanted her to maintain her weight, but grow in height.
With my DD it was caused by multiple care givers on her Dad’s side trying to keep her happy with food when actually she needed stability. Circumstances changed and he lost contact and her weight normalised.
I would give her healthy food, but work in her feeling loved and happy with stability.

A strict diet with 0 treats will make it worse. Overeating is primarily psychological - kids with a healthy attitude self-regulate. Kids who feel guilt and cravings for "forbidden" foods overeat.

Buy the book "How to get kids to eat (but not too much) from Ellyn Satter. The Satter approach worked wonders for my daughter who began to really put on weight at about 4 (she's now long and lanky and slim at 11). Do not mention food or fat or diets to the child. Keep a sense of pleasure around eating with no guilt and don't watch her anxiously or make comments about what/how much she eats - it will make things worse.

That's pretty much all you can do from your end... Get your DH's ex the book too, and hope for the best.

Well this is not an issue for you as the step mother to resolve that’s for sure. And weighing her? That’s a no. What the hell did you say was the reason for needing to weigh her ? it sounds like she’s going through a rough time at home so whatever you do I don’t think it’s going to have a huge impact in any case. What may have a huge negative impact is discussions about her weight and discussing her like she’s a problem that needs to be fixed. Just keep the snacks moderate and give her access to lots of fruit and veg without making a big deal about it. She doesn’t need ” putting on diet. “

You weighed her ???? You did another thread about catering to her dietary needs ( or not)and your husband not helping. She’ll end up not wanting to come to you if you don’t stop. Maybe work on getting the family eating the same. Why didn’t she come and stay with you when her mum was ill ? Have you thought as her mum was ill she might not have had the energy or capacity to cook healthy food and take her out to exercise?

Don't put her on a diet , just eliminate all high calories snacks soft drinks, cakes and biscuits from you house and provide healthy meals 3 times a day and outdoor activities. If there's one near you Junior Park Run can be good fun and with other children. . The children don't have to run the whole route if they prefer to walk it.

I just posted in your other thread and I’m
regretting it. Looking at the other kids in the household, who as you
mentioned are very fussy eaters, and the food you mentioned (nothing unhealthy but definitely nothing amazingly healthy)… I think you just need to relax a bit, let her enjoy the time with her dad, cook whatever she can and will be allowed to eat for religious reasons.

Her mum is unwell, she is being passed around relatives and now she is abroad with a dad who is not helping much and a stepmum who has fussy children herself but has decided she needs to act on the weight of her step child even when she is going home when school starts in a couple of weeks time?

Act on what you can and it is under your remit. You are not going to get an overweight child sorted in 2 weeks, but you can do wonders for your own children over the years if you start working on their fussiness, rather than cooking à la carte for them as you are already doing.

If her mum is unwell surely most likely change is she’s had less opportunity to get outside and be active, something neither of them can help. I wouldn’t be making her diet I’d be giving her loads of chances to stretch herself physically. Long walks, outdoor games, swimming etc.

How tall is she? My 8 yr old is 'obese' but he's 148cm tall, we've been to endocrinology, he's under neurology for something else, we've been to dieticians (all at my request, literally noone flagged anything) and the consensus is he's a healthy big guy. He's still being monitored but his growth seems to have accelerated after seizures and seizure medication . Worries me no end. I try to be so careful of his diet but not on an on a diet way.

He used to be very fussy but has improved so much. I've been keeping a food diary.

Breakfast-plain yoghurt, sugar free granola, berries
Snack- oatcakes and cheese spread
Lunch- chicken sandwich, shredded lettuce and carrot sticks, an apple slices dipped in peanut butter
Snack- banana with pumpkin seeds
Dinner- pesto pasta, Swedish meatballs and peas

He eats at least as healthy as his skimmer peers and similar to his 5 yr old sister who is 25th centile for everything

What I'm saying is she's 7, make sure she's getting daily exercise and eating nutritious food while with you, don't put her on a diet

Exercise wise we have after school Monday where he chases round the playground with his pals, swimming lessons Tuesday, gymnastics Wednesday, park or trampolining Thursday, football Friday, tennis Saturday morning. He needs the physical outlet too for high energy levels.

I see no problem at all ensuring that she eats healthily and does lots of exercise in a fun way. It's all good for her and motivational too

I'm glad you're not going to call it a "diet". That would be wrong imo

Also mentioning her weight to her would also be wrong

Putting children on 'diets' is often considered to be detrimental and can lead to ED.
It needs to be portion control and allowing her the treats she likes in moderation.
Definitely encourage exercise and make sure there's always plenty of healthy snacks like fruit and veg available. But to actively tell her she's on a diet I don't think would be wise.

Did her dad move countries after having her?

Why would you need to put her on a diet? Do you and your partner not eat normal meals? A diet suggests you would be giving her separate calorie controlled food. Can’t you just all eat the same food, everything in moderation, nothing banned.

I wouldn’t agree a diet in the way an adult might but yes give her a healthy diet, minimal treats and model healthy eating and being active

If she’s with you for a few weeks it should be fairly obvious where this has come from should it not? If she’s eating lots of chocolate, crisps etc she’ll be craving them. Same if she won’t eat home cooked meals and is asking for pizzas (making up examples as I go along). If portions are too big she’ll complain about being hungry if she’s given a normal child sized portion.

Bloody hell she’s been dealing with a poorly mum and passed around family all year then she’s come to her dads to get judged about her weight? C’mon get your priorities right. Just enjoy her company.

There's nothing wrong with weighing a child now and then as part of a health check.

They should be taught it's as normal as having their height, vision and hearing tested.

Ignoring obesity will never make it go away.

I wouldnt say anything or visibly do anything

But

I would reduce the food, remove the sugar and get her out and about every day, playing and running around

As a woman with a weight problem: do not make any kind of deal about it!

Do you know what she eats usually? I ask as my six year old has suddenly shot to 98th percentile BMI and he eats a healthy diet, albeit I think his portion sizes are too big. I’m trying to really focus on him upping exercise instead as I really don’t want to give him a complex with food when actually he eats really well.

I'm slightly concerned that you know her BMI as it suggests one of the first things you did when you saw her was put her on the scales.

No diets, no weighing. Just eat normal mostly home cooked food and keep reasonably active. Model a healthy lifestyle without excesses in any direction (i.e. excess junk food /inactivity OR excess focus on being thin/overactive)

Step mother putting 7 year old on a diet is something from a future therapy session.

if she’s being poorly fed at home the weight will come off anyway after a whole summer in your wholesome home. Why would you need extra effort?