Guests bring their own lunch

Wow I am gobsmacked!

Absolutely this.

Would someone really say "yes, come and visit but bring lunch for me" though? That would be rude in itself.

One of my DC has autism but they still know not to go to a friend's house (especially one who is incapacitated) with swinging hands (empty handed).

It is basic manners. Nothing to do with autism

I am going to go against the grain and say if you asked me to bring my own lunch I'd have 'bought my own lunch' If you'd have said bring lunch I'd have catered for you. I am autistic, but then I'd not have invited myself in the circumstances. She just took what you said literally.

Lunch aside, the fact that they turned up empty handed when you are convalescing is outrageous! Add the lunch debacle and I’d be in shock too. Have they followed up with a thank you or lovely to see you text?

Off topic but YABU for not saying no to them visiting In the first place!

As long as you're polite then that's fine 👍🏻

I don't think being taken back/too stunned to speak up in the moment though is being "wet". I think it's perfectly understandable. I probably would've felt the same as OP..... plus I hate confrontation. I think many of us reflect after the event and think, "I should've said such and such" but you're too stunned to speak up in the moment....that's perfectly normal/understandable. It's not being a wet lettuce - it often takes time for you'd brain to process a situation like that. However I would definitely say something to my inconsiderate guests after I'd had time to process the event

I think this is one of the strangest manners/etiquette things I have read on MN. I’m unsure if I ever read anything like it, very bizarre behaviour. Then some of the other stories too.

I agree with majority to ditch the friendship.

The only story I have that doesn’t come close though is when my MIL and her partner would wait for DH and I to pay for their meals and never pay. We forked out a small fortune to feed both with nothing ever in return, unless DH visited on his own. Then he would tell me his mum treated him.

One day we were running 10 minutes late to the cafe and told them. They ordered their own coffees didn’t have any waiting for us. Then they ordered a second round on our coin as soon as we got there and of course, a full breakfast for both.

You definitely aren’t being unreasonable! I can’t understand people saying it’s a miscommunication either and picking up on little semantic details like saying you told them you couldn’t cook ‘them’ a meal. Regardless of what exact words you used I can’t see how a considerate friend would think that’s okay.

If that were me or absolutely any of my friends or family and we were visiting it after you’d had surgery you’d be getting a full spread for lunch so you didn’t need to worry about what to have for tea and a few meals for the freezer, picky bits for the fridge and plenty of fruit and snacks for whilst you recover and we’d probably have offered to walk any dogs, do any ironing or do anything else you weren’t feeling up to if you wanted it. It would never cross my mind in a million years not to include you. If we got there and you’d eaten or didn’t fancy it - no problem it would get plated up and popped in the fridge for you to have later.

I hope they were mortified on their drive home when they realised!

It's so funny because when I read the start of the post I could totally imagine me picking up some meal deals en route for my family (being disorganised if travelling a long way!) but when you said about her getting plates and putting everything together I though oh of course she's making something proper for all of you! Why didn't I think of that! Equally though if I had done my original idea of picking up meal deals en route, I would have asked if you had wanted one too and what you wanted.

Oh dear OP - I am so sorry you have been exposed to such rude and weird behaviour.

Anyone normal would, in that situation, have checked what you felt like eating and then brought a lovely feast to share, with some extras for you to have later.

But yes, over the years I have been exposed to lots of quite odd social situations. It’s amazing how seemingly normal people can behave in quite odd ways.

the fact they didn’t even think ah it would be nice for you to get served a lunch by them as ur unwell, they clearly don’t care about you. Did they come to ur house empty handed? Nothing at all for you?

That's really bad OP.

Yes I suppose in the whole weirdness and cheeky fuckery of the situation the cool bag isn’t that much of a big deal 😂

So so glad you're in the minority

I find it weird that they brought food for themselves. Surely they could have just had a big breakfast and an early dinner after they left . So regimented.

@thevoiceofreasoning please tell me they didn't pack up their leftovers to take back home?! That would really take the piss!

Ps...YANBU

Sorry i hope she is an ex friend now.

They might read the thread but they won't feel ashamed because they don't have the self awareness necessary for such an emotion.

Instead they'll puzzle over why the OP is being so ungrateful and feel hard done by when they went to all the effort of saving her having to make their lunch for them.

My mother and stepfather did this to me too. I'd had knee surgery and was in a full cast from thigh to ankle.
I said I wasn't up to visitors, but this was ignored. They turned up anyway, having been to Waitrose on the way over. They unpacked sandwiches, a bottle of wine and a corkscrew 😂. They took 2 plates and 2 wine glasses from my cupboard and made themselves comfortable on my patio furniture.
I was in too much pain to express my surprise as they tucked in. The icing on the cake was when after a glass of wine each, they put the cork in the bottle and took it away with them.
No offer of food or a drink for me.

I laugh about it now because my mother's selfishness knew no bounds.