Guests bring their own lunch

She has got used to you hosting, she sees hosting as your job. So she doesn't see the need to be thoughtful to you.

Even if I was under the impression the OP didn’t want anything I’d have called whilst on my way to the shop and said we’re just off to m&s, in case you’ve changed your mind.

Even if they misunderstood your message I am sure I would've shared the food four ways. There is no way in any hell that I would think is alright to eat in front of anyone my goodies and someone else just having toast. Specially someone who had surgery and is unable to cook. Your message was quite clear, even if they misinterpreted it, we adapt, improvise.

We have had countless meals together over the years and I’ve cooked for them on many occasions so she knows my tastes and likes and dislikes quite well

Does she cook for you though?

Poor OP, but best thread of the week! I completely get the gob-smacked and saying nothing. If people are odd enough to do that then they are not going to suddenly see the light if you point out their failings.

Reminds me of bil and sil… Dh went to scatter fil’s ashes and sil (who will not be separated from bil) said they would bring a picnic. Yep, same as OP, out came a picnic for two which they ate in front of dh. Dh being dh said to me he must have misunderstood about the picnic and he was to blame. But as pps have said, that’s not the point. The picnic people should share when they see the other person has nothing to eat.

That is what I consider the most baffling aspect.
It's one thing to bring a few bowls of stuff and plate it up.

But she made such a point of wrapping it up in individual portions for three and also took home all the individual portions of fruit and yogurts that they didn't eat.

And sat there handed it out to the three lucky ones leaving the OP sitting there like a complete numpty, then instructed her to bring her own lunch. Even the thickest person watching the poor op struggling out to make some toast would have twigged or softened at that point. But she didn't. It's almost beyond insensitive, so it has to be deliberate.. but why? its baffling. As previously OP catered for them.

OP said this person is very oversensitive. I can only think that having said she'd drive to visit OP, she took offense when OP said she couldn't cater as usual and didn't have the brain capacity to put herself in the OP's shoes and realise what catering after surgery would entail, but couldn't see past that and felt a bit snubbed as if she'd been tricked into agreeing to a visit only to find out she was denied lunch, and thought. Right then. If I have to bring my own lunch, that is what I will do.. and that's why she made such a point of it?

It's such a very odd way to treat the OP. The worst part telling her to go and get her own lunch... I thought that was very clearly was implying that she thought if OP could make her own lunch, she could have made theirs. If that's the thinking, it was really passive aggressive. She just couldn't see past her own needs. And completely lacks empathy.

I wouldn't want to ever cook for them again.

I don't blame you OP for feeling that its not worth dealing with the drama at present. It's so tiring recovering from surgery without coping with someone crying at you and you just don't need it. You can always say it if the moment presents itself in the future. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

OP the mad mumsnetters trying to defend your inconsiderate, rude friends on here have probably rocked up to their own friend's home bringing their own lunch with nothing for their friend and now realise the views of people with some social graces mean their own behaviour is wrong on all levels so have to defend themselves on here!!!!! You don't have to defend yourself against such batshittery!!!

However, just for the record I didn’t ask them “to bring their own lunch” I said I wasn’t up to making lunch for them and she said “no problem I will bring something.”

If a good friend said this to me, I'd assume they were bringing lunch for us all. You're perfectly reasonable, @thevoiceofreasoning to assume this.

I remember having surgery under GA and I was wiped out for a fortnight. I had guests, but they saw how exhausted & poorly I was, and did everything for me.

Your friend is not your friend. Or perhaps she's one of these "sensitive" people whose "sensitivity" is actually self-centredness.

The guests are totally thoughtless.
Although I don't think they intentionally set out to upset you they really should have thought it through more carefully.

If I was in that situation visiting a friend who had just had surgery I would have asked about dietary requirements first/ what sandwiches you like etc or even if you want them to bring lunch for you too.
I'm sure you would have welcomed that after just having surgery.
Some people just don't think things through unfortunately.
I wonder if they realised after?

Or there’s more socially inept people about than imagined!

Some people see disagreeing with OP as a sport.

Agree. some people are twisting themselves into knots trying to justify the behaviour of these inconsiderate guests.

I'm always nonplussed by the small percentage of people who, in clear cut cases such as this, vote YABU. What! did you do that by accident? "The Guests" acted in not only the most selfish way possible, clearly lacking in empathy. Who would not visit a friend who had recently had a surgical procedure, hobbling around on crutches and want to do something for them to make their life a bit easier. To top it all, having gorged on their lunch in front of OP, they then leave their dirty dishes by the sink. FGS! you couldn't make it up.

Wishing you better OP, I'm glad to see you've resolved to drop these people, they don't deserve the time of day.

I don’t know how to partially quote, so I’ve had to include it all. The bit about bringing extra stuff for the freezer, picky bits for the fridge and loads of fruit and snacks though just absolutely wouldn’t occur to some people, or they couldn’t afford it, or they could easily overthink it and think it might cause offence to the receiver. I can definitely imagine a thread on here where someone complains that a visitor filled up their tiny amount of freezer room with things they don’t normally eat, used up space in the fridge with bits they don’t care for and that they already have fruit in so it will go to waste. Unless you’re bringing fully prepared meals that you know they definitely like and you’ve asked them how they are fixed for food, then they probably already have picky food and snacks in the house, especially now online shopping is so easy. If you’re doing all that with no prior discussion, wouldn’t it be better to ask them if they want to send you a list and you’ll do a food shop for them? I’d be mortified if a friend spent all that money on me and would feel obligated to give them however much it had cost, even if I didn’t like any of it. It sounds like bags and bags full.

Astonishing behaviour. Have they messaged or anything since their visit?? Please let us know what they/you say if so! I'm kind of desperate for them to realise what twats they are.

My uncle by marriage was a tightwad. Go to a cafe with them, and he wasn't hungry; unless you said you were paying, then suddenly he was.

Absolutely this.

They clearly like you well enough to make the effort (and pay petrol!) to drive 2 hours to see you and 2 hours home. I wouldn't drive for 4 hours with a 10 year old in tow unless it was someone very close to me.

Honestly OP, I think you are a bit mean to start a gleeful thread on MN about them.

Of course in their situation I'd have brought flowers, and lunch but my DD (who is Autistic) wouldn't have picked up on that expectation unless I'd told her.

That's really rude and unreasonable. I'm shocked and annoyed on your behalf x

They’re not friends.

Oh my god...what on earth! Is there something wrong with them?! Completely weird and ridiculous to not bring anything for you! They sound very odd.

She is totally insensitive to unpack a lunch in your house which didn't include you....