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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Guests bring their own lunch

567 replies

thevoiceofreasoning · 09/08/2026 16:50

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

OP posts:
persisted · 09/08/2026 17:25

Batshit.
I used to go and visit an aunt who had cancer and was undergoing various treatments. I would always take a variety of things for lunch, and message to ask if there was anything particular she wanted as it was so variable.

Shedmistress · 09/08/2026 17:24

Crikey. Deranged or what?

thelegacyofhope · 09/08/2026 17:24

Did they take their rubbish back with them or did they leave it in your bin?

Campervanadventures · 09/08/2026 17:24

Arlanymor · 09/08/2026 16:56

Sounds like a lack of proper communication between you all to be honest. You said you couldn't make them lunch for them, they said they could bring lunch (you did say 'for them' in your post). Surgery totally messes up food schedules, so they could have assumed you were eating a specific diet and/or at specific times. They didn't ask - but neither did you clarify when you said you couldn't make lunch 'for them' whether or not the plan was to all eat together or not. They interpreted it in the way they did - doesn't make them mean - if it were me I would have brought more stuff for you, but to be honest I would have had the conversation with my mate. Not least because they might also want me to bring other stuff if they were a bit restricted to their home during recovery. But no one is the big bad wolf here - people just need to talk more effectively!

Edited

Nah! They were just being thoughtless, selfish and rude. There is no way on this Earth I could do that to anyone… bring, prepare and eat a meal in someone else house and not include them. Unbelievable.

Benjithedog · 09/08/2026 17:23

This is one of the most rudest things I have ever read. Do not maintain any sort of contact with these selfish idiots.

7238SM · 09/08/2026 17:19

Is there some sort of cultural difference at play? Are they from somewhere in the world where imposing your entire family on someone post op for 4hrs is the norm, yet are so ignorant they don't bring you any lunch?

SandwichSuperstar · 09/08/2026 17:18

My thoughts are that try as I might, I just can't believe it 🤷‍♂️

Sixtieslamp · 09/08/2026 17:18

That’s inexcusable. There is no misunderstanding/crossed wires that could account for this selfish and thoughtless behaviour. What sort of person would behave like that and think it was acceptable?? I’ve actually got a lump in my throat picturing you sitting there recovering from surgery and those selfish pigs eating in front of you 😡

hahabahbag · 09/08/2026 17:17

Seems odd but does depend on what you actually said.

Travsmam · 09/08/2026 17:16

WTAF!!!!! Just all kinds of cuntfuckery!!!! What absolute bell ends!!!!!!

watchingthishtread · 09/08/2026 17:16

Wow. They are utterly clueless.

GlosGirl82 · 09/08/2026 17:15

They should have bought you lunch and ‘get well soon presents!’

Jeromeinaboat · 09/08/2026 17:13

Ludicrous they wouldn’t bring enough and ask if you were ready to eat something so they could prepare it for you. I’m sorry but you have got weird friends.

SunshineAndFizz · 09/08/2026 17:11

Thats insane.

Also, who invites themselves for FOUR hours when someone is unwell and recovering?!! Bet you were exhausted when they left.

sparrowhawkhere · 09/08/2026 17:11

That happened to me once. I had a newborn and said I’d love a visitor but I didn’t have anything in for lunch and my friend wanted to come at lunchtime. She said no problem I’ll get some food from the bakery near me. Lovely I thought. Yes, she got herself a lovely pie and nothing for me! I sat there and watched her eat it!

FieryA · 09/08/2026 17:09

They are extremely odd people! Who eats food and doesn't even offer the host? Firstly, coming to your house while you are immobile is inconsiderate in itself. And secondly, to not even bring food for you is even worse. It is good etiquette to ask, especially someone who is in your position, whether you would like to eat something that they could bring/make. I would distance myself from such people.

AImportantMermaid · 09/08/2026 17:08

That’s bonkers. Who imposes on a friend who’s just had surgery for four hours and doesn’t bring them lunch? If you absolutely must visit you go for half an hour, do their hoovering, make them a sandwich and a cup of tea, and then you fuck off. That’s The Law!

NattyRedFinch · 09/08/2026 17:08

Arlanymor · 09/08/2026 16:56

Sounds like a lack of proper communication between you all to be honest. You said you couldn't make them lunch for them, they said they could bring lunch (you did say 'for them' in your post). Surgery totally messes up food schedules, so they could have assumed you were eating a specific diet and/or at specific times. They didn't ask - but neither did you clarify when you said you couldn't make lunch 'for them' whether or not the plan was to all eat together or not. They interpreted it in the way they did - doesn't make them mean - if it were me I would have brought more stuff for you, but to be honest I would have had the conversation with my mate. Not least because they might also want me to bring other stuff if they were a bit restricted to their home during recovery. But no one is the big bad wolf here - people just need to talk more effectively!

Edited

Oh come on!

Owly11 · 09/08/2026 17:06

Nutty fruitcakes!! Why did they insist on visiting you, that's what I can't understand? Do they usually use you as a lunch stop off on their way somewhere else?

nomas · 09/08/2026 17:05

Is it usually you that hosts them or do they ever invite you round?

Sounds like she was passive aggressively showing you that she was doing your job in feeding herself and the kids.

Dery · 09/08/2026 17:05

It does seem very odd but they do seem to have got the impression that you would be feeding yourself. I’m a massive overeater and overcaterer (and it shows) so my meal for 3 would probably feed 6 anyway…

BillieWiper · 09/08/2026 17:03

No way?! 😞
Are you sure they didn't just say 'are you going to get a plate and join us' or something? Grabbing at straws here.

Unless they believed you had allergies, arfid, anorexia, were vegan or coeliac and therefore the food wouldn't be able to be eaten by you? But even then why on earth didn't they bring something they knew you could eat?!

I'd be mortified. On their behalf. I mean I'd have just said 'erm, why can't I have some of the vast cornucopia of food you've just presented to the rest of my household?!'
And proceeded to help myself.

But I'd also have somewhat lost my appetite at their rude antics.

H202too · 09/08/2026 17:00

People are actually nuttsy.

I would have been shocked too.

ovals · 09/08/2026 16:59

That’s mental. The actual thoughtlessness!

Egypt500 · 09/08/2026 16:59

What astonishing insensitivity!
To sit there and pig-out why their (hungry) sick friend watches them is either lack of empathy on an epic scale or they are punishing you for not making them lunch as you always do.
Either way they would be ex-friends as far as I’m concerned!