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AIBU?

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Guests bring their own lunch

567 replies

thevoiceofreasoning · 09/08/2026 16:50

I have recently had surgery and I am pretty immobile … just about get around on crutches indoors. Friends (m and f married couple with 10 year old daughter) wanted to visit me at my home. I’m not really up to guests to be honest but they more or less invited themselves. I agreed and they said they would arrive around 11am and stay until about 3pm (they live a couple of hours drive away from me). Since this timing clearly spanned over lunchtime I thought it was only fair to warn them I wasn’t really up to making a meal for them, which is something I usually always do when they visit a few times a year. The wife says oh that’s not a problem we will bring something with us. i thought oh that will be nice … a bit of company and something nice to eat brought in!
Well they all arrived carrying big cool bag and busied themselves putting things in my fridge etc. We chatted for a while and then wife stood up and said she would fix lunch… checking with me where I kept my plates etc. whilst I remained sat in the lounge. When everything is plated … individual pots of salad, wrapped up sandwiches etc. kind of picnic style and she announced it was ready, I suddenly realised that she had only put out 3 plates for them and had not included me! She then turned and said ‘Oh are you going to make yourself something and join us?”
I was so shocked I just mumbled oh I will make myself some toast. And then sat there with them eating a couple of slices of toast whilst they had their individually plated picnic goodies! The funny thing is I truly believe they thought they were being considerate bringing their own food so I didn’t have to bother cooking.
I can sort of laugh about it but I am also gobsmacked they could think that was ok! However, now looking back I guess I did make an assumption that they would bring something for me to eat too. AIBU? Love to hear people’s thoughts on this!

OP posts:
Speakeasier · 09/08/2026 17:59

Do you always host them for a yummy two course lunch or have they ever returned the favour?

They really do take the biscuit!

I quite literally couldn’t sit there and eat a yummy meal while someone who is struggling to get around has to manage with a bit of toast. But some people are super selfish. I had people come round to me with a new born and expected to be entertained, catered for etc.

icingonmycupcake · 09/08/2026 17:59

SandwichSuperstar · 09/08/2026 17:54

It's the 'too taken aback'/'too stunned and flabbergasted'/'I don't like confrontation' type wet lettuces that'll be the death of me 😂

So ridiculous and makes me wonder how some people get though everyday life.

To be fair, she's maybe not at the top of her game at the moment. She's still recovering from surgery.

Gardenisablooming · 09/08/2026 17:59

When I had ds (not my first ) ils came over mumbling about having a big Sunday roast.
When i came home ds was a day old.

They expected me to cook it. So shocked I actually did..
A woman womaned the fuck after that.
I'd be texting them an invoice for using your plates.

LostNFoundSV · 09/08/2026 17:57

BlueMum16 · 09/08/2026 16:52

How selfish.

Exactly! I really cannot imagine how grown adults could not work out that you were unable to prepare any food! Especially as you had said just that!! Even then, surely they would have realised their mistake and offered to share?!!

Wadsworthy · 09/08/2026 17:57

WhatFlavourIsIt · 09/08/2026 17:51

@WadsworthyIm constantly shocked at the amount of posters that are happy to be so passive in their own life. So many of these problems could be solved if people just spoke up. I can't think of one single person in my life that would sit back and allow this kind of scenario to play out.

Oh but in this case let’s cut @thevoiceofreasoning some slack! She’s recovering from surgery. And sometimes people’s outrageous behaviour can leave one just speechless. The OP was being polite. It’s her friends who should be ashamed, not the OP for being passive!

bryceQ · 09/08/2026 17:57

That’s bizarre. Especially when they realised you were eating toast not to share!! People never cease to amaze me.

SandwichSuperstar · 09/08/2026 17:55

WhatFlavourIsIt · 09/08/2026 17:51

@WadsworthyIm constantly shocked at the amount of posters that are happy to be so passive in their own life. So many of these problems could be solved if people just spoke up. I can't think of one single person in my life that would sit back and allow this kind of scenario to play out.

Exactly.

And no-one can actually invite themselves anywhere.

At the point the OP agreed to the visit, she invited them.

Loulou4022 · 09/08/2026 17:55

How utterly selfish! Knowing you’d said you’re not up to making anything I would have included you in the goodies and bought enough to leave you with leftovers for a couple of meals!!

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 09/08/2026 17:54

WhatFlavourIsIt · 09/08/2026 17:51

@WadsworthyIm constantly shocked at the amount of posters that are happy to be so passive in their own life. So many of these problems could be solved if people just spoke up. I can't think of one single person in my life that would sit back and allow this kind of scenario to play out.

I possibly would in the moment because I'd been rendered mute by shock at the sheer CFery that was unfolding in my own house by my so called friends.

SandwichSuperstar · 09/08/2026 17:54

icingonmycupcake · 09/08/2026 17:49

I'm convinced some posts on MN will eventually be the death of me given the second hand rage they can induce. 😂

What kind of friends behave like this? It was selfish, thoughtless and thoroughly shameless.

Poor you! Get well soon. 🌸

It's the 'too taken aback'/'too stunned and flabbergasted'/'I don't like confrontation' type wet lettuces that'll be the death of me 😂

So ridiculous and makes me wonder how some people get though everyday life.

TFImBackIn · 09/08/2026 17:52

They shouldn't have been visiting when you weren't well, but to rock up with their own meal and nothing for you - and to actually ask if you were going to get yourself something - is absolutely outrageous. There's no way this is due to a lack of communication on your part. They're beyond thoughtless and selfish.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 09/08/2026 17:51

@WadsworthyIm constantly shocked at the amount of posters that are happy to be so passive in their own life. So many of these problems could be solved if people just spoke up. I can't think of one single person in my life that would sit back and allow this kind of scenario to play out.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 09/08/2026 17:49

hahabahbag · 09/08/2026 17:17

Seems odd but does depend on what you actually said.

No it doesn’t. The only thing that would have been acceptable is if OP had clearly stated ‘don’t bring any food for me.’

icingonmycupcake · 09/08/2026 17:49

I'm convinced some posts on MN will eventually be the death of me given the second hand rage they can induce. 😂

What kind of friends behave like this? It was selfish, thoughtless and thoroughly shameless.

Poor you! Get well soon. 🌸

MyPlumHelper · 09/08/2026 17:48

WhatFlavourIsIt · 09/08/2026 17:38

Why on earth would you sit there and not say anything?. When she asked if you were going to get yourself something the only logical answer is ' yes I'm going to get my self a plate and join you'

Same reason, I said nothing to my friend.When she behaved similarly towards me. I was too taken aback.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 09/08/2026 17:48

So they basically treated your house as a National Trust property (somewhere that none of them live, but they got for a nice day out and take a picnic).

HOW were they not rigid with mortification when they realised what they'd done?!

theneighbourhadaparrot · 09/08/2026 17:48

Are they stupid?

It's not even rudeness at that level, it's just mind-blowingly dumb behaviour.

NegativeFreak · 09/08/2026 17:48

Thats a totally weird thing to do!

Sahara123 · 09/08/2026 17:46

behm · 09/08/2026 16:57

My parents did this when DS was a newborn and DP had just returned to work. So bizarre not to think oh I'll also bring something for Behm to have too.

YANBU!

Good lord. Some people really can’t see beyond the end of their noses can they !
I took no end of meals to my daughter when she had a new baby, they’ve just left my house now laughing as apparently we always press food parcels on to them on the way out !

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/08/2026 17:44

thelegacyofhope · 09/08/2026 17:38

Not at all. They were rude as fuck, but if they had a lot of individual plastic containers like OP said, and OP have problems moving, then you’d at least hope they didn’t just fill up her bin with crap and then leave. Get it?

Yeah, still a weird question

SandwichSuperstar · 09/08/2026 17:44

thelegacyofhope · 09/08/2026 17:38

Not at all. They were rude as fuck, but if they had a lot of individual plastic containers like OP said, and OP have problems moving, then you’d at least hope they didn’t just fill up her bin with crap and then leave. Get it?

Yes, I 'got it' the first time.

And I still think it's a strange question.

thevoiceofreasoning · 09/08/2026 17:44

SandwichSuperstar · 09/08/2026 17:36

To be honest, I can’t remember my exact words on the phone … but I definitely made it clear I wasn’t mobile enough to make a meal for myself or anyone else!

How do you normally eat during the day?

I have simple snacks that I can just grab from the fridge or rice cakes with a bit of cheese etc. … I would normally make then a two course lunch and wanted to warn them I wasn’t up to my usual hospitality and didn’t want it to be awkward with them sat there with their stomachs rumbling if they were expecting my usual lunch,

OP posts:
Wadsworthy · 09/08/2026 17:41

I am constantly shocked at the existence on MN of such selfish and thoughtless people. They truly do not exist in my world - I’m sorry they were so thoughtless @thevoiceofreasoning Any decent friends would have made lunch for you too, and spoilt you a bit. Surgery recovery is no joke.

PetulaGordeno · 09/08/2026 17:40

They are not your friends.
Anyone with half a fecking brain would have brought you the same lunch and also some other treats, nice things to eat, flowers, a couple of magazines? Sunday newspapers?
It is insulting. The thought of all the wrapped stuff is giving me the rage.

ThatWhiteElephant · 09/08/2026 17:40

WTF!

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