Guests bring their own lunch

The world has nuance, social norms, courtesy and reciprocity. But, I see your point. Frustrating and awkward, I imagine 💐
Best practice would be to always err of the side of caution and bring a meal for friend or ask what you can bring them for lunch. 💛

Can't believe some people are inventing excuses for them 🤣

I can’t believe people like this exist!

Please OP do tell if they cleaned and tidied their plates and cutlery etc up or did they leave it all for you to sort out?

There's no such thing as common sense or kindness left in the world OP. These are self absorbed people who were visiting because it was routine and what they wanted to do. They don't really give a shit about you at all.

So next time they want to visit, tell them no.

That is appalling. I would have brought you so much food you would have been immobilised through over eating, never mind your op!

Some people are so fucking thick skinned. Inviting themselves over without thought as to your health or whether you even want them there at all, and then not bringing lunch for you......these are not friends. They're just not. They are fair weather friends.

Just a hunch......do they often visit during school hols when they have a bored kid? How often do you meet up otherwise and where/when?

@thevoiceofreasoning Still, I cannot imagine sitting there and not saying anything. If these are close enough friends to have round when you are recovering from surgery they are close enough to say ' wtf you didn't bring anything for me?. It's just like the posts saying they stayed with the MIl and she served up 1 chicken breast and 2 potatoes between 8. So they sat in the bedroom crying all night because I was starving. I just can't imagine sitting back and letting these things 'happen'

@SandwichSuperstar I think we cross posted with my edit. You’re absolutely right.

People make a lot of claims on MN about what they would say/do - easy when you're hiding behind a keyboard, but I HONESTLY would have to say something. Just a quick text

Was lovely to see you the other day, but I have to tell you that I am still reeling from the absolute disbelief that you brought lunch for everyone except me! I was too shocked to say anything at the time but am mentioning now as I think you should know that it was really poor on your part and I was really upset.

Honestly, when people are rude twats, they need to be called out. They really do.

I’m not sure I’d just bring food for them unless they were good friends and I knew what they’d like! At the time of the conversation (or probably afterwards), I’d be saying I’m thinking about bringing x, y and z. Is that ok? Do you like that? I’d feel uncomfortable turning up with extra food in case they didn’t like it, couldn’t tolerate it due to their surgery etc. so I’d be asking first what they liked!

I wouldn’t just turn up bringing food for us, but for the person visiting. That’s only polite especially if that person is on crutches. I know how awful it is on crutches!

However, I can kind of see why they might have thought that though with your wording of “not up for making a meal for them”. However they should have been really embarrassed when they realised you didn’t have anything yourself! They should have offered you something they’d brought, asked if you had anything in for them to make a sandwich for you, nipped down the shop to get you something or just packed up their stuff again and said “we will have this later, I’ll order a takeout or something”.

But your autism wouldn't prevent you from seeing the OP didn't have any lunch and offering her some, would it?

ETA: I see you've now edited to include that.

Please tell me they at least made you a cup of tea after seeing you hobbling around on crutches.

Even if you hadn't said you weren't able to make meals you would think that they would have offered to bring lunch regardless given you had had surgery.

I’m autistic and would take this instruction literally like the OP’s friends. Why don’t people say what they mean? That said, I would have realised my faux pas and quick got out a plate for the OP and shared the food.

Never cater for them again, anything ever. If they want tea/coffee/squash/fruit juice they can bring it themselves. To make a point make yourself a hot or cold drink and put some biscuits for yourself on a plate and sit down to talk to them! Never offer them even a glass of tap water. They are total users and only see you as their servant and not a friend.

I wish you had, just to see what their reaction would've been.
Surely only a complete knobber is going to say "oi thats my sandwich" to someone recently recovering from surgery.

"Vera, make us up a plateful would you love? Thanks".

This 100%. WTAFucking fuck?

That's shocking @thevoiceofreasoning

Those who believe that they would have spoken up - please can you give examples of times when something similar happened to you, what you said, what the outcome was etc.

I had lots of snippy little suggestions, but it's so bloody tiring dealing with people like OP's friends. 🙄

These friends are rude. Plain and simple.
Do not serve lunch. Tea and biscuits only.

I'm tempted to ask what OP receives when she visits them, but I fear it'll be OP takes a lovely dessert while her her host serves weak tea and stale crisps.

Mumsnet is full of wet lettuces though.

Like a farm full.

It makes me wonder how they advocate for their children sometimes.

It’s odd and inconsiderate but I guess technically they didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ per se. I had something similar once where I said I’d call to see a friend during my lunch break when it was her day off and I was working closeby. (She’d suggested I call in at lunchtime, I didn’t invite myself) and she cooked some delicious looking and smelling pasta. Then proceeded to sit down and eat it herself without offering me any! I realised she hadn’t technically invited me for lunch but assumed that as she was cooking when I arrived that it would be for both of us! I was starving and didn’t have time to get myself anything before I had to be back at work!

Quite! If I was visiting an immobile friend I would have brought lunch for them and a couple of prepped meals for their fridge / freezer plus some fruit, biscuits, fresh bread and milk. That's normal isnt it?!