Teen daughter has come out gay

I was surprised your post was deleted @Gooseling I couldn't see anything bad about it.

Deja vu. My 15 year old came out to me years ago. I'm just glad she knew she could come to me. I remember saying to her at the time "do you think I didn't know? " Then I hugged her and told her everything would be ok. While I supported her completely, I suspected she would have fights on her hands at times. She did, but she's out of the other side now . She's 35, everything is ok, she's had her moments of people being twats to her, mostly when she was younger. Just support her, things have moved on a hell of a lot since my gorgeous girl came out. X

Ah MNHQ, yes that’s okay you delete my posts calling out a horrible and arrogant poster, who can clearly dish out crap to an emotional OP who wants advice, but can’t take it back.

👍🏼

My lovely DN"s first full on relationship (15 ish 17) was same sex. She's in a hetero one now...as long as she is healthy and happy...love is love. X

I understand that you are shocked, it’s okay.
It is really common at her age.
She may well be gay or experimenting with her feelings, my DD said she was gay around 13, now she’s A sexual, she’s never had a boyfriend / girlfriend, she’s nearly 18.
I wouldn’t worry about it.

Exactly this. Thanks for this. I couldn't be bothered to respond to that poster as she clearly didn't bother to read my post properly! I said the likelihood of having bio children (as a lesbian) is lower than if you're straight. And it is, for obvious reasons. I should not have to explain them! As I said, they're pretty obvious!

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Just because you’ve never experienced hatred doesn’t mean other people haven’t. What an incredibly naive and arrogant view you have.

You don’t want people to attack you, yet you’re dismissive of the OP’s feelings and saying some pretty ignorant and shitty stuff. Do better.

Some people are hard work aren't they?

Please don’t let her know you’ve been crying or that you’re mourning some life you imagined for her, my mum did that and it made me feel awful.

I understand worrying about homophobia, but I’m a lesbian, I’m happily married and am 37w pregnant with my first child, I haven’t missed out on anything I wanted to do because I’m a lesbian. I actually feel incredibly lucky that I get to have a female spouse and I don’t have to deal with men tbh.

Whilst I agree there is never a guarantee of grandkids either way, it’s obvious there are more challenges faced by gay couples with regards to conceiving a baby than for heterosexual couples.

You don't need to do anything - she trusted you enough to tell you and you've shown support.

What a load of shit.

It’s you who started it throwing accusations at the OP.

Don't be so naive. I'm a lesbian with a wife and child. I wouldn't change my sexuality and I like myself as I am, but it has made my life harder. My dad called me vile and said I'll never have a normal marriage. My mum said she'd never accept me dating a butch woman and cried in front of me about potentially never having grandchildren. My parents have come around in the end, but it was hard. Men harass me. You come out over and over again at work (and eveywhere else), and there's always that fear of how others will respond. I have to think carefully about where I travel and how I act abroad. People assume I'm straight. I'm nervous in places like taxis or with strangers to say I have a wife when asked, because I'm scared of homophobia, and that's something straight people just can't ever understand. I worry to death about my daughter getting picked on for having two mums in the future.

Anyway. You're fine, OP. You've supported her. You are entitled to your own feelings. Life is easier on straight mode and it's not wrong to grieve that for her and worry. Ultimately though, just be her number one supporter. Back her if other people are homophobic. Go to Pride with her. Just keep loving her, as I'm sure you will.

There are some weird replies on here. OP has supported her daughter openly. She's allowed to have her own feelings privately.

Have you not bothered reading the OP?

The more we cry when people 'come out', the more we perpetuate a them vs us world. We normalise the hatred - which to be honest we have never encountered.

I have 2 / 3 queer children. I didnt cry, because they never felt the need to come out. They are just who they are. It is no big deal.

Just a different perspective. No need to attack me.

Why is this an issue for you? One of my kids is gay and it’s no different from the others.

Why would @nowhatx's daughter being a lesbian mean she is any less likely to have children than if she was straight @PrettyLittleRose ?

Do you not know any straight women without children?

It does nothing of the sort. Don’t be an arsehole

I see you. All my kids are some form of not straight, including the fostered one. None of it was unexpected in the way it seems to have been for you, and I imagine the shock of it is the worst of it.

But you have lost nothing. Nothing is worse. Your DD will be fine. She will find a place to live where she can be herself - I have one DD living with me, but the other two live in urban areas which are more diverse, where they can be themselves. My DD doesn't give a shit and has found her people locally.

So what you do is thank her for trusting you with this information. You tell her you will be there for her. You tell her you love her as you always have, and you always will. You tell her that any partners she brings home will be welcomed. You tell her that her happiness is the most important thing.

And then you get on with life. You'll be OK.

Yes, ludicrous. Your comments were ludicrous. I'm embarrassed for you.

You said

Crying suggests fear, disappointment and a need for curated acceptance. Entrenched homophobic behaviour.

Which was a 100% LUDICROUS comment.

Give your head a wobble!

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Touched a nerve? Yeah sure, you caught me, I’m a loving parent that’s not homophobic too, what a shame you’ve pointed it out 🙄

And at least I’m not trying to shame people on the internet for nothing, accusing OP of stupid stuff that just isn’t happening. You are clearly projecting.

Nope. Not ludicrous.

My opinion, to which I am entitled.

If her DD csme home and said, I have a boyfriend, I highly doubt the OP would have cried.

100% this. Nothing wrong with being gay of course! But suggesting no-one cares anymore if people are gay is ridiculous. Attacks on gay people are rife!