Teen daughter has come out gay

Oh ffs lots of things. Don't be so facetious or attempting to insinuate the OP is homophobic.

Agree with this

The faux naivety "why would anyone have any concerns about their child being fay?" is disingenuous

This may or may not end up as her final viewpoint. I’m only saying that because my daughter flip flopped a lot and is now in a female / male relationship at 18. Whatever she decides, feel pleased that she trusts you enough to be able to speak to you about it. Sounds like you did just fine by hugging her and reassuring her that you love her. You don’t need to do anything else apart from make sure she knows she can come to you with anything xx

Do people think they are being ‘right on’ and oh so damn open minded when they make these remarks? Is it just liberal posturing? Because surely no one is dense enough not to realise that being a woman is hard enough without an extra layer of potential homophobic discrimination too. It’s not all rainbows out there. Being gay is rightly accepted among intelligent people but there’s a hell of a lot of homophobic idiots out there too. Not to mention the complexity around having kids (if that is what she wants). OP is allowed to have concerns without thinking something is ‘wrong’.

I bet people who comment this are straight but think they are oh-so-progressive and flying their woke credentials.

Meanwhile, in the real world, even in the UK, homophobic bullying and discrimination still exists. There are still stupid jokes and assumptions. She'll have different life experiences than she would if she were heterosexual (for example, if she wants kids, both in terms of the practicalities and attitudes like at least 1 poster on this thread, who will query whether her children will be negatively impacted by not having a father). She'll have to experience 'coming out' constantly, throughout her life, because heterosexuality is still the default. Even if the response isn't negative, it can still be stressful, worrying or just a bit exhausting! There will be places she won't feel comfortable going on holiday, and some where her life would literally be at risk if she did.

It doesn't mean that she can't have a wonderful, happy, successful life. But it will be a different one than if she wasn't gay. It's ridiculous to not get that.

DD is 12 and told us a few weeks ago, told DH first then me a bit later. I just said ‘cool, I don’t care who you fancy as long as whoever they are they’re nice to you.’ And then left it at that. A few occasions since we’ve been idly chatting about the future or what she might be when she grows up and if it felt natural I used the words girlfriend or wife but we haven’t had any deliberate big conversations about it. She’s mentioned she wants to go to Pride in our city later this month and we’ve said fine but only the afternoon parade bits and the funfair type stuff because later on people get drunk, things get more racy and she’s not old enough for that to be appropriate.

In not sure what constitutes the eye roll. @walrushurricane is pointing out that the idea of being floored and then crying about a child not being straight is really quite a dated attitude.

But the dd can still get married and have children if they want to. And you do sound quite homophobic actually.

I agree. I think about 10% of young people identify as LGB and given that it is quite mind boggling to me that OP is shocked and actually cried about it.

For goodness sake to you too.🙄

OP thankfully we live in a society where there is less homophobia.

Continue to support and love your daughter as before and be proud that she trusted you enough to be open with you.

Also think about the positives: as a gay woman your daughter is less likely to have to deal with violent, misogynist partners or feel the pressure that so many men put on women to look/dress/act a certain way.

I cried when my son came out to me. I cried because it upset me to think he had been worrying about this 'secret' and how to tell us. I worried about him being bullied. I worry still about the darker side of apps like Grinder. Don't beat yourself up. You are doing exactly the right thing.

Oh for goodness sake. 🙄

Are we still in the 1980s? It is surprisingly to me that nowadays people make a big deal about their child telling them they are gay and can't help but think you are rather sheltered and/or homophobic OP.

YABU.

You don’t need to do anything. Just be there for her if she needs you. Not sure what else you could do really.

It's a shame you feel 'taken back'. You have nothing to worry about. It's perfectly normal to be gay. And obviously she could still choose to have children. She can have a happy relationship just like a straight person would. Just treat her the same as you always have.

Just keep talking to her interestingly a lot of the teen lesbians hate the rainbow and think pride is a bit shit

If that really is the case they should have a bit more respect for the people who protested so they have the rights they have today.

I get it means the future you imagined has changed a bit, it is a bit of a shock if you weren’t expecting it. I know I was surprised when my brother came out because he had had girlfriends. Give yourself a bit of time to process but it all will be ok, as long as she’s happy. It’s ok to be a bit unsettled though. Lots of love to you both

I wish I was gay 😅 not having to deal with dating men must be amazing. Obviously I'm being lighthearted. We all worey about our kids but this is 2026. She will be fine. And it's great she confided in you. Carry on as normal.

My SD's going the whole way. Wears a chest band and is on the waiting list for Hormone treatment and surgery. She blames all of her unhappiness as a teen on being trapped in the wrong gender...🙄 Her mum was was distraught because she said to me that she'd given birth to a beautiful wee girl. It's a very sad, complex situation.

Not really no.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6113571/

Same levels or higher of violence within a same-sex relationship as in a hetero relationship.

Perhaps you need to update your information. I'd recommend updating your humanity while you're at it.

It will be fine. Just carry on being her mum and keep communicating.

It was weird and hugely unsupportive, yeah. My mom is a great parent in many ways, but she tends to have a hard time with me doing anything she didn’t expect, or that she doesn’t approve of. It’s like she’s got this idea in her head that she knows me better than I know myself, and she’s had a hard time letting go of that.

Hi OP xx
One of my daughters sort of came out because her long distance friend came to stay and it was then obvious they were a couple and not just friends.
At no point did she say “ I’m gay “ it was sort of organic ..?? IYSWIM ?
I never cried ?
I guess I was being matter of fact about it
They married and are a happy couple .
I think you crying is possibly just an emotional outlet ?
You’re likely feeling overwhelmed that she was so open and honest even if she felt awkward coming out to you .