Teen daughter has come out gay

It’s fine to worry, it’s what parents do.
Mine did because they knew that life could be harder to navigate as a gay woman - and it can be.

Not all concern is homophobia, Christ.

Sorry OP that people have chosen to platform their virtue at the expense of you and your daughter.
She will be fine, if there are rocky times and upset with gfs/homophobia/anything like that just carry on having her back. It’s all you can do.

I think it's best to work on the basis that if she's gay now that's how it will always be. Some people's sexuality may be fluid but not everyone's is. If her sexuality changes later, cross that bridge at that time. Right now the possibility is irrelevant.

Of course I don’t think that. Don’t be ridiculous.

“Normal relationship with man” rather than abnormal with a woman?

I thought that too.

Noone has said there is no homophobia though. There obviously is but there is also misogyny, racism, ableism etc etc. Most young people aren't homophobic though and girls in particular don't usually care. One in 10 young people identy as LGB.

“Whatever she is” that’s terrible.

The correct answer is “OK. Thanks for telling me.”

I don't understand why people are acting as if OP crying = she's disappointed and ashamed of her daughter. My mum cried when I moved away for uni, when I graduated, when I got married, when I had my first child...(not to mention random adverts and all sorts of other stuff - tbf she is a bit of an emotional person!) None of which she would have said were bad things or things she wished didn't happen to me! Sometimes crying is just a way of expressing strong emotion.

does being a lesbian magically mean you no longer face any misogyny from men then???

And who on earth are you to dismiss something you personally will never experience as whether it's a big worry or not?!

Except that these days, male bodied people expect to be treated as if they are gay women, and shame actual gay women into sleeping with them. And even if that wasn't the case, IPV is actually quite high between gay women.

I'm afraid people who blithely state that there's no homophobia anymore and nobody cares if people are gay, simply haven't experienced it. And it's happening in school.

I teach in a secondary school and granted, we're in rural East Anglia so perhaps not terribly progressive, but I spend some time each week unpicking difficult statements and behaviour. I have heard various things over the last year from the trite and tired "ramming it down people's throats" (because we had an assembly on inclusivity) to the abhorrent "fucking faggot" scrawled on a student's planner. I've reported a family where the father physically chastised his son for coming out and parents have kept their DC home when we've taught things like Angela Eagle's "Not Going Back in the Closet" speech as an example of powerful language. Those are just a few examples.

Oh how I wish the world had completely accepted sexuality. Homophobic bullying is still happening.

Hey, I cried too when my son came out. Not because I was sad but because I was proud that he felt he could tell me. And because he asked if I still loved him...But I was worried.....because I know how nasty people can be about gay men and I didn't want him to have to experience shit because of his sexuality. Luckily he never has..
You're her Mum......we feel them...we feel for them....we know that the world can be a shifty place...but we raise them up so they can deal with it...
My only piece of advice ( which may seem obvious ).....keep the lines of communication open so she feels able to speak to you about her sexuality, feelings, girlfriends etc just like you would if she was heterosexual xx

This!
also a bit confused about the ‘different version’ of a daughter posts. What different version exactly??

Absolutely this!

Such a great way of putting it!

I agree.

I am straight but one of my adult Dds isn't which is not surprising given that one in 10 younger people identity as being LGB. This means that if you have 2 children there is a one in 5 chance so yes, I think anyone who is "floored" by the idea is naive at best and probably quite homophobic too. And FYI her life isn't that different apart from the fact that she is married to a woman rather than a man. If anything, I quite envy her for that.

Of course you have concerns, we all worry about our kids. But, speaking as the mother of a gay daughter, I’m not sure why you’re crying. When DD2 told me I already knew but tbh it’s such a non issue now. I know people talk about homophobia but good grief I think misogyny from men is such a bigger worry.

I hope it all works out for you op. She’ll be fine, promise.

Absolutely. There are some utterly ridiculous comments on here. It is entirely understandable why OP as a parent will have concerns for her daughter.

Are you serious? Do you really think that life is easy for gay people? Every gay friend and colleague of mine has had some difficult times/situations because of their sexuality, ranging from unpleasant comments to threats of violence, adding to all the usual difficulties that most people face regarding careers, housing etc - and all have/had parents who were worried, albeit supportive.

My daughter who is 19 told me as a child she was 'not a fashion girl'. She came out at a similar age to yours maybe a bit earlier. I was sad as my adopted son (5 years older) had also come out as gay some time earlier. The sadness I felt was around their lives being potentially more difficult being 'not the norm'. That feeling has ebbed away over the past few years. Just glad they are free to be themselves and we are supportive.

My DD came out at 14. I would have been upset if she thought she couldn’t tell me. School was hard for her because unless you conform you get picked on. She kept her head down and got through it. She’s about to start uni and I hope she finds a girlfriend as lovely as she is.

I really do understand this feeling. When my son told us he was gay at fourteen, he was so proud of himself, and it meant the world to see that. I cried—not because I was upset, but because it hurt knowing he’d kept it to himself for so long.

Continue being the best mother you can be!

Where does it say she cried because her child is not straight? People love to create controversy where there is none...(Eyeroll)

Don't you dictate what one person's emotion means. You have absolutely no idea.

I am relieved that my dd is gay. I think it's a positive thing. Boys are trouble.