Teen daughter has come out gay

I completely get it OP, my 16 yo DS came out as gay last November - my worry was about ensuring he knew that his sexuality made no difference to how we felt about him- there was worry that I may have said the wrong thing in my surprise (all supportive - but I am an overthinker), worry that he might face discrimination outside the home (never in it). The worries re relationship troubles that exist no matter if it’s a same sex relationship or not - that they will get hurt. As a parent, the worry will always be there. But you know what - since telling us - he seems lighter, happier, and much more open with us than ever before

The way they phrase it is the men have taken that over and no one has any boundaries anymore. DD really wasn't impressed by some of the outfits she just thinks it's people showing off their fetish.

To them pride had lost its way and doesn't represent them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with them saying that just because in the past gay people had less rights.

Hi op
i am also the parent of a gay teenager. She told us very casually. I dgaf, oh was more worried people might be unkind.
Any way a couple of years on she has a lovely gf, everyone’s grand. You’ll all be fine and this wrong even be a thing in a short while
DD is more masc but the only homophobia she’s faced is from young lads age she was still at school. Luckily she can hold her own but in general nobody has cared.

It’s a known issue.
Google the cotton ceiling.

This. ^

I know a woman whose daughter Hannah (when she was 17) told her she was dating a 19 year old transgender man. He was born female, and had been dressing as and presenting as a boy from the age of 13-14. Then he started taking hormones and going for the full transition when he was 18. He was going to have top surgery at 20...

This woman said that she acted fine when Hannah told her that she has been dating Liam (born Lucy) for 4-5 months, and said 'that's nice dear, Liam seems nice.' But when she was on her own later, she cried, and cried, and sobbed and sobbed. She was worried about Hannah's future, and the prejudice and hatred she and Liam would get in the future. She knew that their future would be difficult and full of pitfalls.

Why did she react like this? Because she was a raging transphobe? No, because she was worried and concerned for her daughter - her ONLY child. It was a shock.

The relationship lasted a year. Liam went to University when he was 20 and Hannah was 18. (She didn't go to University, she got an apprenticeship with a big company in town and was going to have a long distance relationship with Liam, seeing him every couple of weeks, for the time he was at University, and spending some weekends with him.) He didn't go til age 20, as he'd taken 2 years out after college (and worked part time) because of his issues, his transition, and his low moods. He decided against the top surgery at this point (had small breasts anyway) as he wasn't in the right headspace for it.

One and a half months into starting University, he phoned Hannah and ended it, saying it wasn't working. He said he's not in the right place for a relationship, and he needed to be single and alone, and that he wasn't seeing her again. Hannah was devastated .... Her mum cried with relief. (She never let Hannah know how she felt at ANY point. And she said (to Hannah) that it's a shame that she and Liam were over...)

6 months later, Hannah started dating a man the same age as her (he was born male.) They dated for 3 years then finished. 2 years later she met someone else a year older, (also born male,) and 4 years later they are getting married (in 2 weeks.)

So @nowhatx what your daughter wants now, may not be what she wants in a year, 3 years, 5 years. You are going to have to let her make her own choices though.... All the best.

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I don't know any younger lesbians who would agree that their life is harder due to some people being trans. Obviously that doesn't mean that nobody would agree with you but I don't think it is an issue for the majority.

My 16 yo son came out to us in November. He’s never been happier, feels like he’s showing us and the world the real him, and I am so proud that he feels safe and confident to do so. Just be there for when she needs you, just like you always have

OP, please ignore shitty, ignorant, goady posts. Best wishes to you and your daughter 🌺

Stop with the fake naivety. Of course she worries, she's her mum. Will she find love? Will she be bullied? Will she be able to have a family if she wants to? Hate crime is also a thing. All the usual mum worries, just a different version of them.

Exactly. The homophobic accusations at someone who is upset their child is gay are repugnant. These particular posters need to wind their neck in.

Why are people having a go, attacking.

it’s shameful.

Ah. My apologies. I didn’t know you were a lesbian.

What are you worried about? Homophobia? I think that less worrying than the male on female violence that she will be less at risk of.

Why mention it then?

Still dealing with standard old school homophobia, Wahay you just need a good dicking.
Who’s the man then?
Love the sinner hate the sin!

Now we also have -

Male “lesbians” inviting us to choke on their “girldicks” and calling us TERFs.
Regularly accused of transphobia for being same sex attracted which excludes males however they identify.
Young lesbians transitioning because we can’t possibly present as tomboys without being men.
General “rainbow” fatigue coming from the wider population. Unsurprising.
The forced teaming of the LGB and TQ which means that whenever the TQ make a display of themselves, we are guilty by association.
The new mindset that the rise of the TQ is because people were too accepting of the LGB in the first place.
The conflation of sexual orientation and gender identity.
“Pride” being a circus of overt fetishism.
Every insane argument that the TQ has is presented as “this is very damaging to the LGBTQ community” (see sex protected spaces and no males in female sports) which makes rational people automatically eye all of us with suspicion.

These days the worst of the homophobia comes from “within” which is why there’s such a push for the LGB and TQ to be separate.
Homosexuality with firm boundaries is now considered to be transphobic.

Id hate to be a young gay person these days.
They need all the support they can get from parents because you have to have security, a robust sense of self, and cracking self esteem to deal with the crap that gets flung on an all too regular basis.

Don’t do that. Don’t have a go. I’m fully aware of what a lesbian looks like.

My dd isn't experiencing that and I certainly don't think her life as a young adult is harder than it was for young women years ago.

can I mention your bit about your daughter and her partner both being feminine. There are feminine lesbians everywhere, we’re right in front of you in every setting. You can’t see us because we look exactly the same as you.

I’ve had my fair share of homophobia, some really toxic stuff, as well as the downright silly. One of the things that does annoy me is when I’m told I don’t look like a lesbian 😊.
Your response was fine OP. She came to you! That is everything. I didn’t have that with my mother.

I don’t see that and neither does my daughter, in fact I was at a friends birthday party recently with lots of young people there and half of them were gay

Op my daughter is gay,when I found out I cried too. My husband was shocked I cried , he said I don’t know how you didn’t know. I simply didn’t, she’s very feminine and had boyfriends, I had no clue. My friends son is gay, I couldn’t work out why she was initially upset, I couldn’t see rhe issue, it’s not till it’s your own, you realise why. It’s fear. Fear for them.

I hid it, and adjusted very quickly and now several years later, I dont give a shit, her partner is wonderful , also very feminine, if it’s relevant, and they treat each other with love and kindness and care. And I love it when they both come to visit, it’s like having two daughters.

They are both very caring and involved with their families. Particularly their mothers. And way more caring and thoughtful than any man would be.

Don’t worry about it, you will need time. I didn’t cry as I was homo phobic. I cried as I was scared people would judge her, hurt her, exclude her. Nothing could be further from the truth. If anything they are more welcoming and to be honest, big companies want to tick that box.

i think it’s generational, of her generation no one cares. Companies welcome as they have quotas, it’s the older generation who are judgemental. And louts obvs,

the only thing that annoys me is people still say does she have a boyfriend, and now I’m completely at ease in saying no a girlfriend acrually. It’s a ridiculous assumption to make in this day and age so I correct it immediately. I don’t judge though I just smile and carry on.

overall it’s no biggie. You just need a minute. Promise.

They’ve got worse.
I’m in my 40s but homophobia is more prevalent now than it has been in my lifetime.

What are the hardships for adult women though?

As said on this post if you've read it all including one from a teacher. There are still hardships today.

How old are you though. If young, in what way has your life been harder to navigate? I can understand parents being worried in the 80s or 90s but things have changed now for young people.

Grandchildren are never guaranteed.
Gay women have children now