AIBU to ask if heartbreak gets easier after five days?

Hey there, OpalFox. Just thought of you, and wanted to send you a ‘Hello’.
I hope things are going manageably with you, and you are feeling stronger every day.
Look after yourself, eat well, and get yourself outdoors every day even if you only walk round the block. Sniff the approach of Autumn!

I'm 9 weeks into my husband of 28 years telling me he's been prolifically unfaithful among various other things. It will get better OP. First few days were a super struggle but I got up, put my face on went to work and held it together till night time where I allowed myself 60 mins to dwell and have a cry then I'd have a bath or shower, and stop it. Repeat for a few days then I realised I didn't need 60 mins some days I just feel sad but don't cry etc. Its ok to grieve the end of the relationship but you will get over it. Make some plans, get out and do something with your little one, join a library or go to an outdoor market etc. Just do stuff. I'm still sad inside but its getting better already.

I hope you are OK.

No, it really is not!
I only comment now because I think that your keeping on telling yourself over and over that this pain after separation is the most unbearable agony anyone can suffer is actually making you feel ten times worse, and preventing you from moving on from the day of the split.
Try to stop quantifying, or measuring this awfulness, day to day, and just acknowledge its presence; then sort of avert your eyes from it, as it were.
Sure, it’s still there, but you really do not have to be assessing it every five minutes!
That gives it power over you, and makes it appear much stronger.

Let it be, and just get on with the necessities of family life (you've your dad and your son with you, so there must be demands on your time) and be like a woman with broken ribs or a fractured arm: part of you really hurts a lot but you can’t just sign out of life because of it. You KNOW time knits our fractures back together. So let it.

Im convinced that the best way to get through the pain you have right now is to go through it; let it do its thing but with no help from you (ie, no constant checking, describing, querying etc) and just grit your teeth and fight your way forward, as though it were a dark tunnel-type shape between you and where you want to be.
Accept its sudden flashes and other hurts, that’s just its way, and par for the course, but every day is draining away a bit of its original power.

If you leave it alone, and you determine to keep on keeping on, right through it, you will be out the other side of it sooner.

It will in time. For now you need to focus on other things.

This isn’t love.

Don’t think I’m helping here at all. Hope you feel better soon.

Trauma bond can feel like an addiction. And the only way to heal from it is to go complete cold turkey.
No addict wants to cold turkey - they just want a quick fix to take the pain away for a bit.
I know you’ve had a lot of criticism on here, but ruminating as to why is not helping.
You have been in a shitty relationship which has brought you nothing but hassle.
Being out of it is what is best for you and your loved ones.
Shifting your focus helps - what am I grateful for? What can I do to make one little change today?
Replacing the ruminating with something else really helps. It doesn’t matter what it is - music, a film, coffee with a friend, putting hair mask on and reading a magazine. All these little steps help.
I found that being around people who really cared about me helped. It makes you remember you are a decent person.
The reality is that the longer you ask why you feel so bad, you are going to feel bad.
When your brain has something else to do/think about it will recognise something new which feels better.
It is really tough but the why doesn’t really matter. The what next does.

Yes it does. Just a quick story of how dwelling on it fucks up lives - my dearest friend was dumped in the final year of her PhD by her boyfriend. She was so devastated, she could not function physically. As a result, she slacked off, failed her PhD (years and years preparation for that PhD) at Imperial. Beautiful, tall, sporty, mega intelligent girl was pining after a short-arse right wing American wanker. Ruined her potential career, ruined herself - all by herself, because she was moping. Don't be like her - don't let him ruin your life vicariously, because my friend's boyfriend kept ruining her life, even when he was no longer in it.

I wasn’t accusing you of not being a good mum. Not at all. Just need to direct your attention away from this man and to what you want to have in your life. Find what will eventually give you purpose and even joy.

If you live with your son then of course your mood will affect him, just as all the constant arguing and splitting up and getting back together with your ex in the past will have.

Please don't minimise this.

Instead, try to draw strength from the fact you'll get through this and then you'll both have a better life.

You’re not addicted. He’s conditioned you.
Move away from this. Focus on your son and building your own life. Only then will you start to feel better.

Please know that while it feels like that it does pass in time.
I think spending too much time ruminating doesn’t help - it never helped me.
I did decide to stay on my own for a good long time. Got counselling. Eventually met someone volunteering. Still together after 10 years. A lovely lovely man who has never hurt me or made me lose sleep.
And I really was in bad way at the time my friends and family were so worried.
But having no contact, forcing myself not to get in touch, felt awful but it was the only thing that worked in the long term.
Now realise it was more about when I met him. It was just before I was 40, felt it was my last chance.
It is 2 decades ago now and I’m glad it happened. I can’t imagine going back there it would have been a life of chaos.
Six days isn’t long at all. But days pass, go into months, and then it changes. I promise.

How are you feeling @TheOpalFox ? You have been in my thoughts.
After you posted yesterday I did think back to a time when I was heartbroken and upset and thought it would never end, but it did.
It only got better though when I went non contact, which was hard. But it was the only way.
Never forget your kids love you as well. You are not alone.

Hopefully in time the medication will help as well as the talking therapy.
It doesn’t heal heartbreak but it does help you understand how you got there.
You have been unhappy/at odds with this guy for some time and it’s no way to live.

5 days? Probably not. 25 days, 90 days, maybe.