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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask if heartbreak gets easier after five days?

25 replies

TheOpalFox · Today 09:45

He left me 5 days ago and it’s the worst
most excruciating pain of my life. Like so severe . I have lost a stone and I can’t eat or sleep of
ficntion
he’s now blocked my son. Someone please tell me this gets easier ? It’s horrendous living like this and the pain? So severe 💔💔💔💔😰😰😰😰

OP posts:
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TheOpalFox · Today 12:14

PollyBell · Today 12:03

Pull yourself together you have a child to care for dont you?

Wow so I’m not allowed to hurt ?

OP posts:
PollyBell · Today 12:03

Pull yourself together you have a child to care for dont you?

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · Today 11:52

Why allow a man’s actions to hurt you so much? Get up get out and move stop dwelling.

Uricon2 · Today 11:03

TheOpalFox · Today 10:32

I’m sorry I think I might have depression I can’t even think straight.

I'd also suggest asking MNHQ to perhaps move this to the Relationships board. You've had really helpful comments fortunately but it is in AIBU..

TheOpalFox · Today 10:44

Strikeout44 · Today 10:38

How long were you together OP? Took me 2 and a half years to get over a 25 year relationship.

Telling someone to (wo)man up is not helpful.

Consider going to see your GP and get some anti d's to help you through this difficult time OP. Otherwise you just have to give it time and lots of it and be very kind to yourself. Do you have supportive friends and/or family?

I don’t have any friends oR family 💔💔💔

OP posts:
RoseField1 · Today 10:41

It will get easier but not after only 5 days.

Strikeout44 · Today 10:38

How long were you together OP? Took me 2 and a half years to get over a 25 year relationship.

Telling someone to (wo)man up is not helpful.

Consider going to see your GP and get some anti d's to help you through this difficult time OP. Otherwise you just have to give it time and lots of it and be very kind to yourself. Do you have supportive friends and/or family?

Tryagain26 · Today 10:36

Yes it will get easier and eventually you will realise that you are much better off without him. Take one day at a time.
Meanwhile focus on your son who needs you. Look after yourself because no man is worth making yourself ill. This man has shown you who he is by blocking your son. Honestly you don't need him.
Organise some fun things to do with your son. Keep yourself busy.
Think about all the positives in your life. Do all the things that you could not do when you were with him.
Be strong , think about your needs and your sons and the future which is in your hands

TheOpalFox · Today 10:32

Uricon2 · Today 10:29

OP, I don't mean this unkindly, but you would get more consistent and ongoing support if you didn't keep posting multiple identical threads every day. If you stick to one people will be able to follow it and how you are doing.

I’m sorry I think I might have depression I can’t even think straight.

OP posts:
Iwonderwhenwewander · Today 10:32

Yes, it does get better with time. I am a couple of years out from traumatic separation and then death. Let yourself feel, but also keep putting one foot in front of another. Keeping busy helped me, and daily human contact, even if it was a short phone call with a friend, or a chat with the person serving you in a cafe. Make plans, till you realise you don’t need them.

Barney16 · Today 10:29

You have posted about him a number of times and he doesn't sound very nice. Ultimately you will be better off with out him but it does feel overwhelming right now. Look for distractions, go for a walk, take a bath, read a book.

Uricon2 · Today 10:29

OP, I don't mean this unkindly, but you would get more consistent and ongoing support if you didn't keep posting multiple identical threads every day. If you stick to one people will be able to follow it and how you are doing.

Daffodilsinthespring · Today 10:25

Yes it gets easier but it takes months not days. Take one hour at a time.

Dryrobe45 · Today 10:24

TheOpalFox · Today 10:04

Why does it hurt so much why 💔💔😰😰

It hurts because you are grieving. Grief isn’t just a feeling that comes with death of a loved one, it also comes with the death of a relationship. You’re grieving the loss of him in your life now, and the loss of the future you’d imagined together. It will get better. It’s true that time is the healer. It’s about accepting that right now it will hurt like hell, but each day the hurt will lessen. How you’re feeling now is completely normal after a break up, so just give yourself time, look after yourself, spend time doing things you like doing, and time with family & friends. Future you will honestly look back at this time and be proud of yourself for coming through the other side. 💐

GoodkneeBadKnee · Today 10:21

Yes it does.

MeganM3 · Today 10:19

He isn’t weeping about losing you. He isn’t helplessly dwelling and moping around after leaving. You can grieve the relationship and be sad about it ending without completely caving in to heartbreak. Unless you’re a teenager or this is your first relationship ending, you know it takes a while to get back on track and it will hurt but it will also pass. Time is the only healer. Until time has passed and washed the sadness away you might as well get on with all the normal things you have going on. He’s just a man. Don’t let him interrupt your life in a big way.

MsIceSandwich · Today 10:17

Posting obsessively on Mumsnet about it really isn't going to help, what number thread is this?

muddyford · Today 10:15

The best piece of advice I know, from friends and relations being widowed and now I'm in the same boat, is get out every single day. Walk to the shops, walk round the park, let people speak to you and respond normally as far as you can. Don't sit indoors festering.

I know splitting up was one person's choice but the grief is similar. If people ask why you're sad tell them. There's no shame in it, most people have survived it, and each time you say it you heal an infinitesimal bit.

NeededANameChangeAnyway · Today 10:13

Everything gets better in time. In the immediate aftermath it's hellish and you can't imagine everything feeling better. But you do. One step at a time.

Carandache18 · Today 10:07

Yes it does. The shock of any major grief knocks you flat, but your brain and body can only stay in that state for a limited time. Eat your favourite food and make sure your son does the same. You are already making progress- you've asked for help here, you've bothered to weigh yourself. This time next week you'll feel so much better.

Loulou4022 · Today 10:06

TheOpalFox · Today 10:04

Why does it hurt so much why 💔💔😰😰

Because you’re dwelling on it! Keep yourself busy and allow short pockets of time to wallow. Do not allow it to consume you!

TheOpalFox · Today 10:04

Loulou4022 · Today 09:55

I’m going to give you some advice that my cousin gave me early days after the break up of a 13 year relationship and I’d been moping, “put your big girl pants on and have a can of (wo)man the fuck up!”
You are a strong independent woman and you will get through this! As Churchill once said the only way out is through!
He’s gone, he’s made it very clear by blocking you and your son that the relationship is over so you’ve just got to get on with it.
Keep busy, tidy the house, watch films, read books, see friends and family, eat comfort food, snuggle under cosy blankets.
He's just a man and probably quite a shit one. This isn’t the worst pain you will ever feel that would come from a child dying.

Why does it hurt so much why 💔💔😰😰

OP posts:
Loulou4022 · Today 09:55

I’m going to give you some advice that my cousin gave me early days after the break up of a 13 year relationship and I’d been moping, “put your big girl pants on and have a can of (wo)man the fuck up!”
You are a strong independent woman and you will get through this! As Churchill once said the only way out is through!
He’s gone, he’s made it very clear by blocking you and your son that the relationship is over so you’ve just got to get on with it.
Keep busy, tidy the house, watch films, read books, see friends and family, eat comfort food, snuggle under cosy blankets.
He's just a man and probably quite a shit one. This isn’t the worst pain you will ever feel that would come from a child dying.

MyDarlingRose · Today 09:54

Of course it does. The gaps between thinking about it will widen from seconds to minutes to hours to days to weeks… to years.

Whatalunatic · Today 09:51

Yes, it get easier. Take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Keep up with your usual routines. Eat easy to get down foods - soup, yoghurt, ice cream. It won't help if your body gets nothing at all so try to focus on eating a little.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are better off without him. Hold on to that. You are strong, capable and can achieve anything at all.

Visit your doctor if it gets too much but right now, just be kind to yourself. You are going to come out the other side - might take some time but you'll get there.