Friend and Daughter Issues

You're not taking this seriously enough OP, you ARE allowing your daughter to be bullied and it seems that you now plan on making it her responsibility to manage it whilst the parents of both children sit back and watch it happen.

I'd be telling the other child's mother in no uncertain terms that their child's behaviour is unacceptable and that there won't be any more meet ups if she can't or won't put a stop to it. From your daughter's perspective, I'd imagine that probably isn't good enough at this point. Does she want to be forced to spend time with this child after being hit and spat at repeatedly? I very much doubt it, even if the other child's behaviour was to improve.

Spitting! Fuck that. I’d have to call out a child for spitting in front of the parent.. that’s disgusting

Put your daughter first! Stop the meet ups and tell your friend exactly why. She needs to put a stop to her child's behaviour. It's not kids being kids, it's disgustingly bad behaviour and needs to be stopped. Not good for your DD to see you both being a pair of wet lettuces around this girl.

I think you need to arrange to meet your friend separately.

It is not ok for her child to be hitting or spitting at your DD and that is shocking that she does it to an adult as well.
I can't believe her mum doesn't do anything, or has perhaps even confided in you if she is struggling and doesn't know how to handle the situation. The DD clearly needs boundaries and her mum doesn't want to/doesn't feel able to.

Don't tolerate this child's behaviour. Your friend's MH issues are no excuse. She needs to manage her child better.

You need to do better by your own child which means staying away from this one until she can behave properly.

Yep. No more meet ups. When your friend asks why, give a reply along the lines of 'the girls aren't getting along. DD doesn't enjoy it anymore'

Stop seeing your useless friend.

Prioritise your daughter's mental health instead. You're not a great parent yourself @MondeoFan.

Do you have other friends OP?

To add - my friend's son was really awful to my son one visit so I just don't take him any more. We see each other in term time for a coffee (and much less than we used to).

She’s not a good friend btw, she’s enabling a nasty violent bully.

Oh and I can already see what will happen here. Your daughter will finally snap and hit this girl back and the crap mother will go mental and blame you.

What would I do? Tell my so called friend to sort her fucking daughter out. You're prioritising your social life over your daughter. Stop allowing her to be bullied.

know people will say it’s kids being kids

No they won’t!

her DD hits my daughter and spits at her to get her own way

And what was your response to that?! I’d have told her to stop then got up and left and not seen her DD again.

You are letting your daughter be bullied. Why are anyone else’s feelings, wishes or issues more important than your child’s safety? They shouldn’t be. I can’t believe what I’m reading.

The Mother of that child would be an ex-friend, if it was my child in that situation. What are you doing to protect your child OP?

You are being selfish. Your friend's mental health is not more important than your daughter's. Nobody wants to spend every single weekend with a younger child who is allowed to hit and spit at them with no consequences.

I can't believe you're putting it on her to stop the behaviour. What the hell is "No thank you" supposed to do? Don't raise a mug/doormat.

You need to step up and intervene, your dd shouldn't have to put up with that. If your friend won't tell her off for hitting and spitting, I would! I would also be extremely clear to your friend that you will leave if she can't stop for dd doing that to yours.

She's not much of a friend if she's happy for your dd to be hit and spat on.

Good Lord. Stand up for your daughter. Stop going to the meet ups and tell your friend why.

It’s not kids being kids. It’s one kid bullying another kid.

Well, you are allowing her to be bullied. Why?