Friend and Daughter Issues

This can’t be real. No one would allow someone’s kid to hit and spit on their kid more than once surely?

If it is real, OP you are letting your DD be physically assaulted every week. Thats setting her up to expect and tolerate abuse in future relationships as it’s her normal. It’s pathetic really.

FGS put her first, no more meet-ups.

You're prioritising this friend because you perceive her as vulnerable and you feel like you're responsible for her in some way. The most vulnerable people involved are the children and neither you nor your friend are doing right by your daughters. The person you should be protecting is telling you that she is being bullied and you're sitting back and watching and telling her same time next week.

Listen to your daughter, you're teaching her to be a doormat and that other people are more important than her and are entitled to abuse her. Is that really what you want her to think?

Would you be happy if it was a child at school bullying your child?
either stop the meet ups or meet without the kids
your child will resent you for not protecting her

Stop seeing the friend. She isn’t your friend at all if she’s allowing her dd to bully your dd in this way. Every weekend like this is far too much, spend time on your own with your dd.

You need to tell your friend very clearly that spitting is totally unacceptable.

You're putting your friend above your own daughter.
Why on earth would you force her to meet up weekly with someone who is spitting at her and bullying her? Your poor child, do you not realise what damage YOU are causing her?

Please stop allowing your daughter to be bullied by this feral child. She should be your priority, not your friend.

Stop prioritising your friend over your daughter, if I saw another child spitting in my child’s face I would go absolutely mental and if your “friend” brushed it off I’d tell her what I thought about her parenting skills.

You can't let that continue so you are going to have to stop meeting up with your friend. There is nothing you can do to fix her mental health issues because you aren't qualified to do that. You might be able to do her daughter a favour though by telling your friend that she is letting her daughter down by not addressing her appalling behaviour. Spitting is absolutely disgusting and no one is ever going to tolerate that, many people will react a lot more harshly than you have and when they do that will be down to your friend's lack of parenting.

How old are the girls? Do you know that spitting as well as being disgusting is counted as assault?

why do you keep putting your daughter in these avoidable situations?
what would happened if your daughter turned round and hit her back?

When the child spits at your daughter, you want her to say “no thank you”?! This can’t be real.

Sounds like you’re a single mum and don’t want to give up a busy weekend.

Stop meeting the friend and tell her why. You’re enabling the child to bully your daughter.

You are allowing your dd to be bullied and making her spend time with her bully.
Why would you do that?

You can stop it by putting your dd first.

Your daughter has been very clear - why aren't you listening to her? She does not want to meet up with them so she shouldn't have to. Every flipping weekend the three of you are subjecting your daughter to this! You could learn a thing or two from her about having boundaries. There's nothing to stop you and your friend meeting up without DC. If that isn't an option then you don't see her at all - simple really.

@MondeoFan seriously what are you thinking.
You are choosing to allow your daughter to be repeatedly physically assaulted by this woman's brat so you can spend time with your so called friend, thats disgraceful. You need to protect your daughter and stop all meetings with this woman and her brat before you destroy your relationship with your daughter.
Why do you think that your wants and your friends "needs" are more important than your daughters physical and mental health?
You need to make it 100% clear to both your dd and friend that you will never meet up with her and both girls again due to her daughter's disgusting abuse behaviour and the mums inability to parent her child

Spitting? I would be furious at my friend if they let their child spit on mine.

Do not make your daughter see these people again. Either suggest something alone with friend (adults only) or be honest and tell her "unfortunately my daughter is not keen due to the hitting and spitting" you need to put your daughter first. I am shocked you are even asking this.

YABU to subject your daughter to this.

In future, child-free meets only, even if that means you can't see each other often, or you go around in the evening for a chat after your respective children are in bed.

Why are you allowing your daughter to be bullied? Stand up for her. Stop meeting your friend with the dc and tell your friend why!

I would not be seeing my friend with my DD any more and telling her why. I understand you’re supporting a friend, but that cannot come ahead of your daughter.

You wouldn’t choose to meet every weekend with someone who assaulted and spat at you, why should your child be made to?

I’d be looking at ways to stay connected with my friend that didn’t involve the DC.

I’m not surprised your daughter’s getting bullied. You’re teaching her that it’s ok, by not standing up for her or teaching her how to stand up for herself. (‘No thank you’ needs to be followed with ‘mum I want to go now please because X spat on me’) You’re also modelling pushing through your own discomfort for the perceived comfort of others.

How old are the DC?

Meet the friend without your daughter present (or don’t meet her if that’s not possible). Tell her why - your daughter and she don’t get along. Your daughter should not be forced to endure unpleasant company.
You should have stood up for your daughter when she was being treated badly and intervened with your friend’s daughter if your friend did not. Make sure you do if it happens again with another child.
Alongside this, teach your daughter some skills to stand up for herself. Role play what she might say / do (tbh you might want to do some research into this one yourself as you don’t seem to be able to advocate for your child atm - learn some skills you can pass on to her)

You dont say how old they are. 4 years actually is quite a big age gap for children to play. Spitting is an absolute no no and she sounds like a little horror. If your friend wont say something then you should tell her off. You need to educate your daughter to stand up to her. Failing that then dont take your daughter when you meet up or take a friend as well?

Is it that you’re worried how doing anything about the situation will affect your friendship and / or your friend’s mental health?

In my opinion it’s wrong to continue putting your daughter through this. Can you say to your friend that her DD doesn’t seem to like your DD at the minute so you think it would be best if they don’t meet for a whille?

Please end the friendship.

I was in this situation many years ago whereby o should have ended it sooner because of the way her kids treated my ds.

You’ll find people who value you.

It’s hard because you want to support your friend. But you aren’t helping anyone allowing this to carry on - least of all your friend who has no motivation to change things under the current situation.

Of you want to be friends with her make it cease it’s adult only meet ups from now on.