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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make my niece work extra shifts before helping with rent?

48 replies

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 07/08/2026 14:29

Niece has just started uni. She’s staying over the summer this year. I live close by, hence why it’s me dealing with this and not her dad.

Basically she texted me a few weeks ago saying she’s short on rent. I replied I’m not bloody surprised mate you’ve been out a lot, I’ve seen you instagram story. She acknowledges she was silly and asked me for money. I said I’m not giving you money, you can pick up extra shifts at work and I’ll drive you to and from them.

Basically she works for a pub chain, you can pick up extra shifts at surrounding pubs - but they’re normally ones out of the city so they’re a pain to get to if you don’t drive. She picked up around 25 hours and made almost the rent, I paid her the remaining money and said since it’s a first offence I won’t make her pay me back - but next time I will and there will be interest so there better not be a bloody next time. I also ensured she has food in the fridge and that the rest of her stuff is sorted. I did also make her tell her mum and dad, but she pretty much decided that herself. We’ve had a chat (bit of a lecture) about budgeting and I’ve made her a spreadsheet. Put her through the wringer a bit about how she’s lucky I can afford to help her out right now and have I’ve got my own kids to worry about blah blah blah. Me and her a good now, she definitely thinks I’m less cool but at the end of the day that’s fine. I’m not your mate I’m your aunt and all that.

Told a mate about it and she said I was harsh and reminded me about my uni days. When I’d spend all my money on drink and then have to eat noodles for a week or go and get the free food from Christian Soc (you’d get a free toasty while they preached at you, they were yummy and well worth the lecture from the god squad). I was definitely silly with my money but I didn’t have to be bailed out by my parents at any point. Once my dad did send me a Tesco shop of vegetables because he “didn’t want me to get scurvy” but that was about it.

I don’t know, I think I’m over thinking but was I harsh? I was trying to teach her a bit of a lesson and I think I was pretty reasonable? I know on mumsnet a lot of parents pay their kids rent and fees and stuff, but my brother is not in the position to do that and tbh I do think it’s good to work.

Also I did have a chat with her about boozing it up too often and a check in about how she’s feeling about alcohol. I am not concerned she has a problem, I think she’s just silly and over excited for her first time at the Fringe. As was I.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
OliviaBonas · Yesterday 22:10

QuadrupleH · 07/08/2026 15:59

Think you've handled it fantastically tbf. Encouraged a work ethic, helped her with the transport, guided her on budgeting and still gave her financial help albeit with the knowledge that it wouldn't always be the same in the future. Hopefully she's learnt from it. Some of life's lessons have to be done the hard way.

I agree! She’s lucky to have your support and guidance. Everyone mismanages their money at uni when the temptation of nights out and socialising is just too strong. It’s great that she told you and didn’t just get into even more debt. Hopefully she will learn to budget more effectively from now on.

bettyrubble99 · Yesterday 21:41

My DH parents bailed him out each and every time he over spent when he was younger & now he's an adult he is still clueless with money. He thinks they'll be a hand out given to him from somewhere after spending his wages like they're winnings.

My mum & dad gave me naff all. I had to work for my money & i am very good with it.

You taught her a life lesson & also helped her out. Not unreasonable at all.

DraigCymraeg · Yesterday 21:35

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 07/08/2026 14:29

Niece has just started uni. She’s staying over the summer this year. I live close by, hence why it’s me dealing with this and not her dad.

Basically she texted me a few weeks ago saying she’s short on rent. I replied I’m not bloody surprised mate you’ve been out a lot, I’ve seen you instagram story. She acknowledges she was silly and asked me for money. I said I’m not giving you money, you can pick up extra shifts at work and I’ll drive you to and from them.

Basically she works for a pub chain, you can pick up extra shifts at surrounding pubs - but they’re normally ones out of the city so they’re a pain to get to if you don’t drive. She picked up around 25 hours and made almost the rent, I paid her the remaining money and said since it’s a first offence I won’t make her pay me back - but next time I will and there will be interest so there better not be a bloody next time. I also ensured she has food in the fridge and that the rest of her stuff is sorted. I did also make her tell her mum and dad, but she pretty much decided that herself. We’ve had a chat (bit of a lecture) about budgeting and I’ve made her a spreadsheet. Put her through the wringer a bit about how she’s lucky I can afford to help her out right now and have I’ve got my own kids to worry about blah blah blah. Me and her a good now, she definitely thinks I’m less cool but at the end of the day that’s fine. I’m not your mate I’m your aunt and all that.

Told a mate about it and she said I was harsh and reminded me about my uni days. When I’d spend all my money on drink and then have to eat noodles for a week or go and get the free food from Christian Soc (you’d get a free toasty while they preached at you, they were yummy and well worth the lecture from the god squad). I was definitely silly with my money but I didn’t have to be bailed out by my parents at any point. Once my dad did send me a Tesco shop of vegetables because he “didn’t want me to get scurvy” but that was about it.

I don’t know, I think I’m over thinking but was I harsh? I was trying to teach her a bit of a lesson and I think I was pretty reasonable? I know on mumsnet a lot of parents pay their kids rent and fees and stuff, but my brother is not in the position to do that and tbh I do think it’s good to work.

Also I did have a chat with her about boozing it up too often and a check in about how she’s feeling about alcohol. I am not concerned she has a problem, I think she’s just silly and over excited for her first time at the Fringe. As was I.

You sound like a bl**dy perfect Aunt.
Yes, you may have been daft at Uni - all the better to speak to your niece about her choices.
Good luck to you both.
xxx

Original poster
GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 07/08/2026 22:23

Nearly50omg · 07/08/2026 19:23

I wouldn’t have covered the rest of the rent though! 25 hours working at a pub is nothing!!! She should have worked ALL rent!!! Also she needs to be told this won’t be happening again and she needs to work EVERY month and prioritise her rent and bills FIRST before she goes out!!

To be fair 25 hours was all the shifts on offer. Also there was one that’s in a pub I used to work in and I didn’t really want her there on a Saturday night waiting outside for me to pick her up (it was a short shift as well like 4 hours)

OP posts:
Pistachiocake · 07/08/2026 19:39

She's quite lucky she's in a job she can get extra hours. I'd been going to say it's not as easy for them to get jobs/more hours, but you've explained that and the fact you're helping. It is much harder for young people now as you (depending on your age) probably didn't pay as much for uni and were pretty much guaranteed a decent job at the end, but it's not your fault; the world is harsh and it'll be worse for kids who are used to being mollycoddled.

20centurySteph · 07/08/2026 19:29

ExtraOnions · 07/08/2026 16:21

It wouldn’t cross my mind to charge my Niece rent if she was living with me for the summer. i would just be glad she was enjoying herself.

OP sounds like a pious bore with her heavy handed lecturing.

She’s not living with her aunt though… she’s living in her own apartment near her aunt. That’s a bit different.
I think that that was the perfect solution! You helped her after she’d done her best to help herself, and made it clear. It was a one time thing. And you’re giving her the tools she will need to launch as an adult. Maybe I’m cynical, but if you just given her the money, then it would happen again. This way I doubt it will. And I will guarantee that in time she will appreciate the lesson.

Nearly50omg · 07/08/2026 19:23

I wouldn’t have covered the rest of the rent though! 25 hours working at a pub is nothing!!! She should have worked ALL rent!!! Also she needs to be told this won’t be happening again and she needs to work EVERY month and prioritise her rent and bills FIRST before she goes out!!

chocoluv · 07/08/2026 19:21

likelysuspect · 07/08/2026 18:46

Well OP said she had 25 hours of extra shifts and was still short

Thats over 250 quid she needed to make up and then was still short.

Show quote history

I thought that was what she’d already done and then OP covered the rest.

Nearly50omg · 07/08/2026 19:21

She’s an adult at the end of the day and shouldn’t have asked you to help her cover her rent when she’s been using her rent money to go out!! Yes you did the right thing x

Original poster
GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 07/08/2026 19:21

BlueMum16 · 07/08/2026 17:45

I think you've dealt with it perfectly. What did her parents say? Interesting how she didn't ask them to pay the rent.

Her mum has PND atm and SIL was really good to me when I was pregnant (hence why I’ve kind of stepped in for DN, her oldest going away to uni in Scotland isn’t ideal). My brother was a bit annoyed but agreed we will keep it quiet from her mum but I think her and my brother had words over the phone.

I didn’t tell my DN this but my brother was a reckless spender back in his youth so the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My brother and SIL are very good parents but it’s a bit of a bad situation rn. Also my DN is only ten years younger than me hence why I think sometimes she’s thinks I’m her mate not her aunt.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 07/08/2026 19:17

Desmodici · 07/08/2026 17:27

To help her budget, have her open another bank account. One account is for all bills and rent to come out of, the rest she transfers to another account, which is for spending. She cuts up the card for the bills account, so can only use the card for the spending account. When spending money is gone, it means she can't accidentally spend money meant for priority bills.

That’s a shout actually can’t believe that I didn’t think of that. That would have made my uni life way easier lol.

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 07/08/2026 18:46

chocoluv · 07/08/2026 18:43

It depends how much she’s short by surely.

If it’s only £100 and OP pays her £50 for a night of babysitting then that’s only a couple of nights work.

Show quote history

Well OP said she had 25 hours of extra shifts and was still short

Thats over 250 quid she needed to make up and then was still short.

chocoluv · 07/08/2026 18:43

likelysuspect · 07/08/2026 17:47

How much is baby sitting these days? Not going to be the same amount as outstanding rent is it?

Show quote history

It depends how much she’s short by surely.

If it’s only £100 and OP pays her £50 for a night of babysitting then that’s only a couple of nights work.

JHound · 07/08/2026 18:37

You were right, your friend is an idiot.

AnotherForumUser · 07/08/2026 18:04

ExtraOnions · 07/08/2026 16:21

It wouldn’t cross my mind to charge my Niece rent if she was living with me for the summer. i would just be glad she was enjoying herself.

OP sounds like a pious bore with her heavy handed lecturing.

If the OP is such a 'pious bore' then it's a good thing that the niece isn't living with her isn't it? But why don't you tell the niece's landlord that he should just be glad that his tenant is enjoying herself? Or maybe you are offering to pay the rent that niece spaffs on enjoying herself?

@GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf you did perfectly. Like it or not the lesson in budgeting is one we all need to learn and you pointed your niece towards a practical and (to most of us) adult way of solving the problem she created.

magicbeany · 07/08/2026 17:57

I think you’ve been fantastic. I wish I’d had an aunt like you and fully intend to be similar for my nephews when they reach that age. You have to keep the rent money back! I remember a week eating plain rice with salt and pepper that age because I’d overspent. Didn’t happen again.

Superscientist · 07/08/2026 17:56

You have given her the encouragement and guidance to mostly sort the problem out for her self and then topped her up when she wasn't quite there. I can't see much you did wrong!

You didn't leave her short on rent/food etc, its the holidays so doing extra shifts isn't going to impact her studies.

A bit of support for next term to ensure that this is a one off from either you or other adults taking in a parenting role and hopefully she will be set up to finish uni having learnt some valuable life and budgeting lessons as well as the degree!

Motheranddaughter · 07/08/2026 17:52

I think you did the correct thing but I couldn’t have done that to my niece

FatMrsHoot · 07/08/2026 17:50

I was also silly at uni with money, but never to the point of not being able to pay my bills.

I think you did the right thing.

likelysuspect · 07/08/2026 17:47

chocoluv · 07/08/2026 16:17

Also she often babysits for us so I kind of think perhaps she thought she’d get a good deal and I’d say I’ll give you the money if you watch our kids for the night or something like that.

I’d be a bit annoyed she asked me and not her parents but if she regularly babysits for you then it does make sense for her to ask and you book in a couple baby sitting days for free.

It’s just an advance on her babysitting money.

How much is baby sitting these days? Not going to be the same amount as outstanding rent is it?

BlueMum16 · 07/08/2026 17:45

I think you've dealt with it perfectly. What did her parents say? Interesting how she didn't ask them to pay the rent.

likelysuspect · 07/08/2026 17:44

Its excellent parenting. I know you're not her actual parent but you know what I mean

Most parents do not know how to be firm, teach resilience and not give in and make them learn.

Help her do these things themselves rather than doing for her, excellent approach.

Thatsillymama · 07/08/2026 17:41

Honestly she's better off learning to budget now. I had friends in college who were always getting bailed out because they spent all their money and the same people are useless with money now. I was told I wouldn't be getting a penny as a working adult and it meant I was always really careful to put aside rent and food money. I'm very greatful my mam was as strict ive never needed financial help from anyone.

Desmodici · 07/08/2026 17:27

To help her budget, have her open another bank account. One account is for all bills and rent to come out of, the rest she transfers to another account, which is for spending. She cuts up the card for the bills account, so can only use the card for the spending account. When spending money is gone, it means she can't accidentally spend money meant for priority bills.

MayaPyjama · 07/08/2026 17:19

ExtraOnions · 07/08/2026 16:21

It wouldn’t cross my mind to charge my Niece rent if she was living with me for the summer. i would just be glad she was enjoying herself.

OP sounds like a pious bore with her heavy handed lecturing.

Given the landlord isn’t related to the niece, I suspect they’ll care more about the rent than their tenant having a nice summer!

If you’re that invested, maybe you could PM OP and offer to pay the niece’s rent!