Is this how undertakers behave these days?

They are allowed to but some are very reluctant, looking at you Nationwide.
It’s only because I am a stroppy cow even whilst grieving that it got paid. This apparently is a common occurrence the funeral directors warned us about.

This is so sad whilst dealing with grief and your mum in care. I’ve heard awful things about the co-op plans. So I’ve taken out insurance so my loved ones can choose my preferred funeral provider.

My sister passed suddenly at 45 last year. She didn’t have anything, but the funeral company were excellent when we had to apply for support from the government.

The rest we all had to chip in to make up the shortfall. But they were very patient. You’d think a bigger company like the Co-Op would be more compassionate.

We are having the same problem with the Coop Funeral “Care”. They are holding our Mother at a crematorium until invoice paid. She left funeral funds in her estate and thought there would be no problem. It’s disgusting what they have done with her body and they’ve upset and stressed the family . The Solicitor has passed the invoice to her bank, Nat West Bereavement Dept for payment but this apparently takes 5 days to go through. The stress and misery the Coop Funeral Care have caused us is unforgivable. No empathy or care or customer service. If you want a stress free cremation go somewhere else, preferably small family funeral company.

Firstly sorry for your loss and the position your in. I work for a family run Funeral director...so second... welcome to the co op. I also worked for their banking business.

The co op are a shit show of penny pinching and poor service across their business. Their shops are appalling, often having stock that's well out of date on the shelves and specialize in being the only supermarket in town so they can rip people off.

Their funeral business locally will keep your loved one in a central mortuary, often on an industrial estate miles from the branch. Locally they have bought new hearses... panel vans converted to have windows!

My advice op is that funeral plans only cover what is listed. The chrem will be the ones charging for the music. That isn't the co ops doing. But I would advise the co op either they wait for the money, given they were paid years in advance for the bulk or you will contact the press, go on all the local FB groups and the surrounding areas ages and tell everyone how uncaring they are.

As one last aside, they have built the business by buying out local undertakes...our local buy out died recently....they are not doing the funeral 🕵️

That is dreadful and I personally would approach my mp about that, given the press that FD have had recently.

I know for a fact that my employer, and I am part time on a zero hours contract so have no skin in the game apart from living in the community we serve, would never do that. They would have a conversation with you and sort something out.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and the stress you're under.

The Co-Op are absolutely appalling. I had a dreadful experience with them a few years ago but, fortunately, had the freedom to choose a local independent undertaker instead (who was everything the Co-Op wasn't - knowledgeable, efficient, kind and thoughtful).

Raise a formal complaint with the Co-op first, and ask for an itemised invoice. Include the fact that you're in a distressed and vulnerable state following your father's death, your mother's serious illness and the financial stress her care and the probate process is placing on you and, therefore, you wish them to note you are a vulnerable customer and treat you as such in all future communications. Highlight that threatening a grieving, stressed, emotionally and financially vulnerable customer with debt collectors shortly after her parent's death and funeral is not appropriate and does not appear to meet their Consumer Duty to adapt their service for vulnerable customers or provide adequate notice and explanation of price changes.

Since funeral plans are now regulated by the FCA, if the Co-op don't respond, or you're unhappy with the response, you can complain to the Financial Ombudsman Service.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/complaining-about-a-funeral/

https://www.funeral-directory.co.uk/guides/funeral-plan-fca-regulation/

https://redcliffetraining.com/blog/how-does-the-fca-define-a-vulnerable-customer

If you are paying care home fees for your Mum, does that mean she is wealthy hence it not being paid by Social Work? Can you just take your Mum's bank card and take £190 out of the cash machine?

I know you shouldn't have to but ultimately this does need paid and it will get rid of the stress of it.

Usually funeral fees can be paid ahead of probate, if you as executor present the invoice to the bank it should be paid from his account but you need the actual invoice!

We used our local Coop branch for my nans funeral and they were terrible. Mistake after mistake. They ended up only charging us half of the fee as compensation for their awful service. Would never deal with them again

I used to work at a funeral directors. When you sat down to discuss your late father's funeral, they should have been very clear what was included and had been paid for, and what wasn't. If your DF had additional requests that the plan didn't fund, they should have told you and provided additional itemised costs BEFORE the funeral went ahead for you to sign off. Likewise, if your DH asked the crem to turn on the keyboard, they should have made clear they could do this but there would be a cost involved.

Im sorry for your loss OP.

Can you just take your Mum's bank card and take £190 out of the cash machine?
I know you shouldn't have to but ultimately this does need paid and it will get rid of the stress of it. Does need paid?? Anyway, you can't just take money out if someone's account who doesn't have the capacity to consent.

No advice, but I’m very sorry for your loss and for the additional stress of this situation. This is fast coming down the track for me, too (elderly parents without capacity and in poor health) and it’s no picnic.

Co-op bank and Co-op funerals aren’t the same company, the bank was sold off years ago.

I'm afraid to say that I think funeral plans are a waste of money. By all means ask what they want in terms of music etc., but extra costs can still be hard to avoid. If you have solicitors then they can organise payment via their probate process with funds from the estate.

If you didn’t sign a contract which accepted these costs personally, then let them. It’s not your debt. Are they planning to take you to court personally, or you in the capacity as executor of his estate? The two are very different. Make sure you are clear in writing that the estate will settle the charges once access to the bank account is permitted and if sufficient funds are available. Also take the pre court action letter to the bank as this may trigger them to make the payment. Ask the bank to state in writing why they won’t, if they don’t, escalate a complaint all the way up to the ombudsman if you have to. Keep a paper trail and timeline of all that’s occurred. And if they do file court action, be sure to respond on time so they don’t get a default win.
You’ll be offered mediation before actual court and you can stand your ground. Then in court you can explain to the judge that the bank won’t release the funds because xyz (with proof). State your position and that your late father’s debts are not your own. I’m not a lawyer but I can’t see how a judge can compel you to pay a deceased persons debts. Ultimately they need to get in line.

To Londonmummy66, I’m am as stressed as you, they seem to be money grabbers and it’s like they have monthly sales targets and don’t care about those grieving. I hope you sort it out. Our Solicitor is chasing the bank transfer to the Coop up again today. They won’t even take the Solicitor’s word for it. I’ve never experienced this before. My Father’s cremation was done by a family funeral company and there were no such problems. I haven’t had chance to grieve the loss of my Mother because of the misery they have caused. They’re disgusting!

This is absolutely shocking and I just wanted to send love to everyone affected by this awful company. I’m so sorry reading about what they’ve put other posters through and hope there’s some comeuppance. As someone else suggested let’s hope their behaviour will be outed as a light is shone on the industry following that tragic case in Hull

I lost both my parents last year and it took a while to get probate through and access to their bank accounts. I was so embarrassed about the outstanding debt as my parents were fully paid up members of the “poor but proud” working class and always either paid cash or went without.

The FD (a local family company) had been randomly chosen as they were next on the coroners list we were given when dad dropped dead at home. They couldn’t have been kinder about it all and waited months on both occasions. I wish everyone could have had our experience.

really sorry about your loss. they should have gone through costs with you before anything happened, the funeral home we used for my mum did this and explained everything. we had paperwork and they went through all of the items and options with us in person and we signed for each thing we'd chosen so it was very clear.

maybe complain to one of the consumer rights columns in the newspaper? the guardian has a good one.

My dad had a funeral plan, with a local provider not a national chain. When we met with them they were very clear about what would be extra, like announcements in the paper and an extra car.

It’s not your debt though. ? It’s the estates. I’d say ok , let them.

So you haven't got power of attorney for either of your parents?