Page 8 | Husband blames Mumsnet

Howtorespond · 2026-08-05T22:30:27+00:00

if I challenge my husband’s bullying, or disagree, I’m told “here we go, it’s Mumsnet again”, or “f***ing Mumsnet”, or “what does Mumsnet say”. I’m really worn down.

Morepositivemum · 06/08/2026 11:54

Glad I rtft- I thought this was a jokey thing like I do with dh ‘actually on mn they say’. Sorry that things are this bad between ye

Bonnielassi · 06/08/2026 11:53

what sort of dad was he growing up? Has he a quick temper? Did he ruin days out? What do the kids think of him?

Original poster

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 11:50

5128gap · 06/08/2026 11:42

That's because he's a misogynist who fears that the collective voices of women are a threat to men. He also disrespects you, as he believes you lack the intelligence to think for yourself and are suggestible.

Yes, my rational brain sees all that xx but my hopeful brain finds the little bits of niceness and over-amplifies them. But it never lasts. He won’t discuss any issues.

OP posts:

rainbowstardrops · 06/08/2026 11:50

It sounds as if you’d have plenty of rl support from friends and your sister and your children are adults now. Go and be free and happy!

Bonnielassi · 06/08/2026 11:49

By holiday fun do you mean sex?

Original poster

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 11:48

Bonnielassi · 06/08/2026 11:41

Op is he sometimes nice to you ? Especially if he gets a whiff you might leave?

Yes, sometimes. Especially if we are about to go away and he thinks he might get some ‘holiday fun’. I’ve fallen for that several times as it’s nice when he’s nice. But he can’t keep it up (the niceness!)

OP posts:

WinterBlues26 · 06/08/2026 11:42

GP says leave.
WA (been referred so assumed you spoke with them), would say leave.
Solicitor says leave.
Sister says leave.
Friends say leave.
MN says leave.
You've done the Freedom Programme.

Why are you still there? I left a 42yr marriage last year because I couldn't face another 20 years of him, especially full time once he retired and it's been absolute bliss. Material things are not worth staying for, my food content is more Aldi than Sainsbury’s, I use blankets instead of heating, I have cooler, shorter showers, i haven't had a haircut in over a year, I use an airfryer instead of an oven while he has holidays and upgraded his car and has takeouts but my life is far, far richer as I finally have a life.

Look at your finances, house equity, savings, pensions and see what you can afford. What exactly are you afraid of?

5128gap · 06/08/2026 11:42

That's because he's a misogynist who fears that the collective voices of women are a threat to men. He also disrespects you, as he believes you lack the intelligence to think for yourself and are suggestible.

Bonnielassi · 06/08/2026 11:41

Op is he sometimes nice to you ? Especially if he gets a whiff you might leave?

Original poster

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 11:39

Goatsarebest · 06/08/2026 11:37

What started as quite as a slightly humerous thread has progressed to no so much as you update.
Time to do what you have to do to leave.
Sounds like friends and your sister will support you with the practicalities.
Good luck

Show quote history

I think it is. I’ve always stayed worrying about the kids, who are now adults. So I know that’s an excuse but I’ve just always been so scared to end it. Thank you x

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Goatsarebest · 06/08/2026 11:37

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 11:25

Yes! Thats it. Exactly. Anything or anyone who stands up for me becomes an issue for him. Some of my friends don’t like the way he is with me, they’ve witnessed it- he says terrible things about them to me. Yet to their faces is lovely. My sister has stood up to him and he now loathes her.

Show quote history

What started as quite as a slightly humerous thread has progressed to no so much as you update.
Time to do what you have to do to leave.
Sounds like friends and your sister will support you with the practicalities.
Good luck

spacecowboypeanut · 06/08/2026 11:30

Not as serious in my case but everytime we have a difference of opinion he will say why don’t you ask Mumsnet I’m sure they’ll all take your side 😂

Goodmorningeveryone26 · 06/08/2026 11:27

Oh OP it sounds horrible. I hope you find a way out
:(

Original poster

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 11:25

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 06/08/2026 11:19

If he bullies you, then MN is automatically the bad guy - in the same way as the police are the bad guy to a bank robber. Anything that threatens to stop you getting away with your nasty plans and provides support and sunlight to your victims must be blamed and scoffed at.

Yes! Thats it. Exactly. Anything or anyone who stands up for me becomes an issue for him. Some of my friends don’t like the way he is with me, they’ve witnessed it- he says terrible things about them to me. Yet to their faces is lovely. My sister has stood up to him and he now loathes her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 11:23

Thank you all for your responses so far. I’m not very au fait with quoting people but I appreciate your time. When I have an opinion eg on politics, holidays, anything really- and not only if it is an opinion he doesn’t share, the immediate response is always ‘oh did Mumsnet tell you that’. I used to deny it but arguing is utterly futile. So now I just say ‘hmm, something like that’. He constantly wants a reaction. It’s very trying and lonely. There’s not really any kindness and certainty no compassion or love. Everything I do is wrong. He said I sounded ‘retarded’ (a word I abhor) when talking to an airline operator about a cancelled flight - which was jolly complicated. For example.

OP posts:

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 06/08/2026 11:19

If he bullies you, then MN is automatically the bad guy - in the same way as the police are the bad guy to a bank robber. Anything that threatens to stop you getting away with your nasty plans and provides support and sunlight to your victims must be blamed and scoffed at.

Original poster

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 11:17

Naurrr · 06/08/2026 09:01

Have you ever spoken to women's aid, or a solicitor/WikiVorce website?

A life free of your bully is out there.

I have been referred to WA by my gp, done the Freedom programme and spoken to a solicitor. I know this is sounding ridiculous but I’m so afraid of the manipulation and denial that he’s unkind, bullying, cruel. He just says ‘no I’m not’ if I say ‘you are being…’ or ‘no you’re not’ when I say I’m upset with something he’s done. He’s an ace at letting me down in public. I am scared after 30 years of how to do it alone.

OP posts:

Original poster

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 11:14

TY78910 · 06/08/2026 08:01

Tbh, this. Have you posted about him on MN before and then used the responses to confront him?

Show quote history

Hi, no I’ve not posted about him but I’ve read lots of posts from posters with difficult and controlling husbands, and it’s helped me for sure with realising it’s unacceptable and with ways to rise above it if I can. It’s not an easy marriage, but a very long one. I Am a bit ashamed really to have lost myself so much.

OP posts:

KaleidoscopeSmile · 06/08/2026 11:03

NCForOneNightOnly · 06/08/2026 09:05

He does have a point. They always act like the only authority anyone should ever listen to for relationship advice but half of them aren’t even with anyone. You usually know the ‘I would finish with him’ ones don’t actually have anyone to finish with anyway 😂

Your "authority" on the demographics of MN is truly impressive

Piccly · 06/08/2026 09:06

Hmm. I have noticed in myself that some of my more challenging views do root from MN!

NCForOneNightOnly · 06/08/2026 09:05

He does have a point. They always act like the only authority anyone should ever listen to for relationship advice but half of them aren’t even with anyone. You usually know the ‘I would finish with him’ ones don’t actually have anyone to finish with anyway 😂

Naurrr · 06/08/2026 09:01

Have you ever spoken to women's aid, or a solicitor/WikiVorce website?

A life free of your bully is out there.

Ginmonkeyagain · 06/08/2026 08:52

Oh have the women been talking again and challenging his manly authority. Poor love.

Passaggressfedup · 06/08/2026 08:30

He has a point!

FinallyHere · 06/08/2026 08:29

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 06/08/2026 00:54

I'd start listening to Mumsnet if I were you. Why are you still with someone who bullies you?

This.