Page 6 | Husband blames Mumsnet

Pistachiocake · 06/08/2026 13:23

Tell him some men do this with Reddit.
And then ask friends/family if he's being unreasonable. He does have a point that some internet randoms seem to like to stir up strife. I'm not one of them, but if you ask people who know and care about you both, and they still say he's being unreasonable...

SapphireSeptember · 06/08/2026 13:21

DaysIllRememberAllMyLife · 06/08/2026 12:29

Well I am single but I'm single because I had the sense to end a terrible relationship and I can see similar behaviours in other posters husbands.

If the fact I haven't wanted to get into another relationship means I should be ignored then so be it.

I personally didn't think women were only relevant if they were married but it seems you disagree so oh well.

Show quote history

I've been in lots of relationships and they've all been rubbish in one way or another. I'm glad I'm single now.

Grammarnut · 06/08/2026 13:15

Crikeyalmighty · 06/08/2026 12:39

Similar situation here - seemed the right thing to do at the time but at 64 I regret it now.

Show quote history

Yes, I didn't think it through at the time.

thestudio · 06/08/2026 13:09

I hope you get out OP, while you still have some life to live.

My own mother should have left my dad and if she'd managed to do so even after I'd been kicked out of home I would have been thrilled, not angry.

BunnyLake · 06/08/2026 13:03

NCForOneNightOnly · 06/08/2026 09:05

He does have a point. They always act like the only authority anyone should ever listen to for relationship advice but half of them aren’t even with anyone. You usually know the ‘I would finish with him’ ones don’t actually have anyone to finish with anyway 😂

Maybe that’s because they put their money where their mouth was and finished with them!

GentleSheep · 06/08/2026 13:02

Do you talk about Mumsnet a lot OP? Because that may be 'triggering' him a bit!

getsomehelp · 06/08/2026 13:00

You need to bite the bullet. Get out & live finally a life free of this bully.
My H (similar) had a stroke, I’m now his carer… It couldn't be worse.
Please save yourself

ManyATrueWord · 06/08/2026 12:58

If anyone asks, my hobby is hanging out on Mumsnet and giving support to women dealing with nasty men.

Please leave this man. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

Tsham · 06/08/2026 12:56

I’m not sure I’d do anything other than tell him he was a patronising prick.

indigox · 06/08/2026 12:54

My abusive ex did this because he hated the fact I had people supporting my decisions or pointing out his behaviour wasn't abusive - it made it harder for him to gaslight me, something was stopping me being suspectible to his emotional abuse whilst losing his ability to alienate and control me and he couldn't stand it.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 06/08/2026 12:53

Howtorespond · 05/08/2026 23:30

if I challenge my husband’s bullying, or disagree, I’m told “here we go, it’s Mumsnet again”, or “f*ing Mumsnet”, or “what does Mumsnet say”. I’m really worn down.

My DH hates it when I tell him about threads I've read on MN. He says "not bloody Mumsnet again!" and switches off! 😳

It's a man/DH thing. Ignore lol. Tell him Mumsnet said so..! 😂😂😂

WallaceinAnderland · 06/08/2026 12:50

A fear of starting a train that may end in a crash

You're already in a crash.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/08/2026 12:48

You do know from being on MN that you don't need to give a reason for divorcing these days - there are ' no fault ' divorces

and do you know that you can start your divorce online - it only takes a few minutes.

This website lays the whole process out for you

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce

your ' children ' are now adults so need need for maintenance / CMS, no 50/50 etc

Get a divorce

Check you can get a divorce, agree or disagree with a divorce application, what to do if your husband or wife lacks mental capacity.

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce

EarthSight · 06/08/2026 12:43

BePoisedPlumUser · 06/08/2026 12:41

If my partner pisses me off I tell him I’m going to start a thread on Mumsnet and they’ll tell me to leave him 🤣

😂 Tell him we're all waiting. We enjoy judging.

EarthSight · 06/08/2026 12:43

I get that you are distressed and probably still hope to magically turn him into a decent human being, but at this point, you shouldn't bring Mumsnet up with him. He's obviously not going to take it seriously and will only use it to further convince you that you're the problem. Avoid arguing with him if you can put your energy into thinking of ways of leaving.

BePoisedPlumUser · 06/08/2026 12:41

If my partner pisses me off I tell him I’m going to start a thread on Mumsnet and they’ll tell me to leave him 🤣

StandingDeskDisco · 06/08/2026 12:40

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 12:31

I think you are right, I’m so ridiculously nostalgic but I know it’s not for anything we had together- it’s for something I wish had been. Sounds nonsensical I know. I’m worried he will turn the (adult) kids against me somehow as he lies about things I’ve said and done.

Show quote history

They know the truth. They will see right through his lies.

You will not lose your children. Quite the opposite, you will likely gain more quality time with them if abusive DH is not around.

Crikeyalmighty · 06/08/2026 12:39

Grammarnut · 06/08/2026 12:33

My ex used to do this. I did not know that it was coercive control until very recently, after my second DH died and I think the shock (he died very suddenly) opened my eyes to why I had always found it difficult to shake off my anger at my ex - which late DH always said I should do and tried to help me and it took over a decade to do.

Lots lost although I left because I left my DC with ex and whatever he told them about me stuck. They go on holiday with ex but only ever visit me and my DD has no pictures of me in her house. I am afraid to mention this because I fear they will withdraw from me even now if I suggest their DF was not the person they think he is (even though they know he is 'difficult').
Do leave this relationship, OP. You will be much happier (I was, even though my ex cast a long shadow).

Similar situation here - seemed the right thing to do at the time but at 64 I regret it now.

TheBrunswick · 06/08/2026 12:36

If it helps start planning.
You don't have to leave immediately but you can begin to explore what your options are.

My dh is not a bully but he has an opinion on everything and now we're retired anything I go to do he's there mansplaining. However, when I was very ill he was amazing and looked after me to the point he cancelled his own gp appointment as he would have been late visiting me in hospital.

Think seriously about retirement with a bully like your dh, it will make your life unbearable.

Grammarnut · 06/08/2026 12:33

My ex used to do this. I did not know that it was coercive control until very recently, after my second DH died and I think the shock (he died very suddenly) opened my eyes to why I had always found it difficult to shake off my anger at my ex - which late DH always said I should do and tried to help me and it took over a decade to do.

Lots lost although I left because I left my DC with ex and whatever he told them about me stuck. They go on holiday with ex but only ever visit me and my DD has no pictures of me in her house. I am afraid to mention this because I fear they will withdraw from me even now if I suggest their DF was not the person they think he is (even though they know he is 'difficult').
Do leave this relationship, OP. You will be much happier (I was, even though my ex cast a long shadow).

Original poster

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 12:33

StandingDeskDisco · 06/08/2026 12:22

Almost feels selfish to go now, now they’re adult. If that makes sense.

No it doesn't make sense.
And what makes you think you have no right to be selfish?
There are worse things than being selfish - which is just self-preservation and looking after yourself, nothing wrong with that, in fact it is a healthy response.

Show quote history

Yes, and I do see that. I seem to have some cognitive dissonance if that’s what it is. I can see the truth and logic but something stops me. A fear of starting a train that may end in a crash

OP posts:

LettingItAllHangOut · 06/08/2026 12:32

NCForOneNightOnly · 06/08/2026 09:05

He does have a point. They always act like the only authority anyone should ever listen to for relationship advice but half of them aren’t even with anyone. You usually know the ‘I would finish with him’ ones don’t actually have anyone to finish with anyway 😂

Most likely they’re single because they’ve rid themselves of useless bastard partners who bullied them, AKA lived experience.

Original poster

Howtorespond · 06/08/2026 12:31

StandingDeskDisco · 06/08/2026 12:18

I suppose I’m falling for the sunk costs fallacy,
Just what I was going to say. Don't count the years past: count the future years. How many years until you retire? How many years will your retirement last ?(estimate based on how long women in your family live).
Do you want to spend those future years the way you are living now?

and a probably imagined end to our family life
The family life you had is already ended - the DC are grown and gone into their own adult lives.
The only residue of "family life" that you have to spend with him being around is things like weddings and funerals. The rest you can spend with your adult offspring and grandchildren without having to put up with an abuser.
Imagine future holidays and days out with your family, just you and them, and how lovely it will be not to have him around spoiling it.

Show quote history

I think you are right, I’m so ridiculously nostalgic but I know it’s not for anything we had together- it’s for something I wish had been. Sounds nonsensical I know. I’m worried he will turn the (adult) kids against me somehow as he lies about things I’ve said and done.

OP posts:

CountryMouse22 · 06/08/2026 12:29

What a horrible man.

pointythings · 06/08/2026 12:29

Imagine your life without him. Imagine the peace being permanent. If you got together young, you still have so many happy years of peace ahead if you get rid. Just do it.