Husband blames Mumsnet

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a bullying misogynist who clearly hates you?

It really is that simple at this point.

@Apinkliehe said I spent too much time on it, rather than with him, and I preferred it to him - that was correct, I think! It’s 15 years ago. Don’t know if yo still have to list reasons for divorce these days, do you?

I know it’s difficult when you’ve been with a person for such a long time, but you are worth more than this. Think of your life a year from now, do you really want to be stuck this horrible man still? ❤️

😂

You mentioned the sunk costs fallacy, OP. But this isn’t £500, or £3000. It’s the rest of your life. And it could be a happy rest of your life. It really could. But that first step has to come from you.

He knows there are plenty of intelligent women on here who can see straight through him and exactly what he is. He is threatened by this as he knows he is abusive towards you. Any outside opinion threatens his hold over you. He doesn't want you to have support or encouragement, it weakens his position.

So it makes sense he will try belittle you and everyone here. He is hoping you'll stop visiting or having any sort of opinion.

Have my first ever LTB. He sounds like yet another weak, inadequate man. Don't let him diminish you any further, you know who you are and you're much stronger than you think.

So are you still only 48? That’s so young! You could spend another 30 years (or more) if you stay. Doesn’t that thought frighten you more than leaving him?

Be brave OP. You’ll be so glad you did. Sending courage!

I'm sorry you're in this position @Howtorespond

You haven't said your age and if you work? Do you have any savings? You have qualifications, do you need to retrain?

Personally I would LTB (it's bastard I heard Justine on tv). You don't want to be caring for the arse of a man in old age. That's an earned ,privelage for a loving spouse not someone who doesn't even like you.
Get your half of the marital assets and buy yourself a small but pretty girl pad. Don't make it attractive to CFs.

Mumsnet can be a huge power of good. I've learnt lots over the 25+ years I've been a member. It maybe an online community but it's a female centric one and I'm afraid shitty men don't like it
Get on rightmove, play house and start your divorce.
Old bullies can become violent. Don't give him the chance. X

Sorry, he did what?!! Another person who perpetually blameless?

My friend's Mum left her husband the day before her 80th birthday! He'd been putting her down for the whole of her marriage and she suddenly woke up and thought "I've not got much time left to be happy".

She had 8 happy years living it up with her sister and her similarly aged friends. Less money but oh the freedom!

My ex husband actually named Mumsnet in the divorce process as contributing to the breakdown of our relationship

They never do it to men. Just women. Sadly, I’ve seen DH, BIL, and my dad acting out against me, my sister, my mother. Never with men. Yet they’d all be living alone in a bedsit, without us…

Let's get down to basics. You face:

a: Possibly a shitty year then a peaceful, pleasant rest of your life

b: A shitty rest of your life

Sounds that way. Oh, I'm so sorry you're in this position.

It’s so hard when they turn the tables. My DH has said that I’ve started “acting afraid” whenever I back down & brace for aggro. There’s no need and he hasn’t done anything, and my actions will make DS scared of him. The lack of awareness is astounding! Thankfully MN is a safe space for women in these situations, he’s trying to take that too…

Oh the poor wee snowflake of a man 🙄.

As a starting point do you have a full life independently of him? If not what can you organise to do by yourself that will show you what life could be like without him? A weekend away? A regular club to attend?

Ooh sorry this was for Myrtle Lion!

This is so great to hear - sounds like your mum found her inner strength and made a good decision.

Sorry OP, he sounds horrific.
I am glad though that reading other women's shared experiences on here has helped you. I am even more glad that it's ruffling his feathers - if it wasn't getting to him then he'd not not mention MN. I daresay he's eroded a lot of your confidence and self-worth over the years and that's how he likes you and I daresay he feels unsettled that you may start to be challenging his ways.

If he keeps mentioning MN, just give him a smile then ignore. You don't need to say anything.
I hope you find a way out of this, 30 years is a long time to be with this man. Sending hugs.

Oh OP anyone would be scared about how things would be on their own after years of being ground down. But it is do-able, and your friends / family and Women's Aid will support you, and once you are on your own, you will find reserves of strength you didn't know you had. Will it be difficult, yes, will you be as miserable as you are being made to feel now, no. You can do this. Sending best wishes for a different, and better future for you.

My DM was 50 when she left my dad after 30 years. He died five years later aged 60, from a heart issue. She said, she could have waited five years and inherited more. But she didn't know he was going to die.

She's now 80. She's had 30 years of freedom from his temper and his moods and walking on eggshells. She changed career, she has her own place in a retirement community in the middle of the town I grew up in and most of all, she is happy.

You could have 30 years of happiness ahead. You might find someone who cherishes you, but even if you don't you could be happy.

The first step is really hard, so break it down. Work out the finances. Take a look at Rightmove for somewhere where you want to be. Treat it as a little fantasy now but if you look long enough, you might think you could be there, living your best life without him. We're here for you.